I’m jealous of all weddings, equally

It’s always an interesting occassion in my house when I hear that yet two more of my friends has been invited to step out on the road to marital bliss. First, I plaster on my most sincere smile. Then, I bake something The Beard really likes. After I’ve got him wondering just why I’m so dang happy and why I’m suddenly June Cleaver, I spring it on him. “Guess what, honey,” I gush. “So and so are engaged!”

And then I wait. Strategy is nothing without patience and a man whose woman just baked him his favorite pie is in no mind to do battle. Every once in a while I like to remind The Beard what he’s got just to see him squirm a little.

The friends in question are handsome future groom and handsome future groom, which causes me to ponder what is the appropos gift. Many wedding gifts focus on the realms traditionally overseen by the woman: the lacy doily type things and the cupcake pans and silver pizza cutters festooned with ribbons. Lucky for me, the Rainbow Wedding Network and many other absolutely fabulous sites list giftmakers that want to give everyone the choice to get married, to get divorced, and to get married again, ad nauseum!

I think this cake topper is fantastic for the hombre y hombre weddings:

10 Responses to “I’m jealous of all weddings, equally”

  1. Cesar says:

    I hate to say it doll, but he’s just not that into you. Why not find a man who is?

  2. Never teh Bride says:

    Hello Cesar!

    The Beard has expressed his wish to wait until he has graduated from the university before tying the knot (with me, of course) and I can respect that. But that doesn’t mean I can’t bug him about it now and again!

  3. Sharron says:

    I hate to say this, because I barely know Cesar (hello!) but they’re dead wrong. As I think you know, men have issues with marriage for all sorts of reasons, and not being into the woman is not really high on the list.

    I wish more gay guys got married. The Weddings would be so aesthetically pleasing. sigh.

  4. B says:

    I have to say, I’m not jealous of all weddings equally… for example, My (male)cousin and I recently attended a girlfriends wedding at which, during the ceremony, my cousin continuously commented that it would never last. Prior to the ceremony, as well as, since the ceremony, the bride has asked him to ‘hang out’. Dare I say, some marry just to marry. I do hope things work out for her, but I have a feeling there will be much heartache even if they do.
    Cesar, Isn’t that a book? Might I remind you that Women think about marriage much differently than men. Rephrase, Women think about marriage. I think the main problem is that you just don’t know what is going on up there half the time. I just found out that my ex boyfriend got married. That is approximately 7 months after I kicked him to the curb. He tells me that if it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have realized that he wanted to get married. Also, if he had been different(if he hadn’t been so stupid), he probably would have married me. But, things work out for the best, current boyfriend is much nicer.

  5. Never Wanted to Be the Bride says:

    I hate to say this, but I find all weddings pretty silly. I can say this because I am married and because my “wedding” was one of those deals we did so my boyfriend could move to the US with a green card. Very low key: at the mayor’s office in a little town in France, both of us in jeans and tennis shoes, with only his family watching. Drank champagne in the sun at an outdoor cafe, then I went and gave English lessons to my elementary school nephews. . . We’ve been together for 15 years, but only married for 7. And would not be married at all if it were not for our collective governments forcing us into decisions that benefit their own bureaucracies. Which of course pisses me off.

    So, here is my basic gripe: all these women wanting to be princesses for a day! In those ridiculous white gowns! It’s like everyone secretly has this desire to be the heroine of a Harlequin Romance for 24 hours. . and drive themselves nuts (and everyone else around them nuts) for a few months beforehand. I really don’t get it and I am not saying this just to look like a cool, sophisticated, jaded, unconventional individual.

    What I do get is that like all traditions and holidays in the United States, this one is designed to make you spend huge amounts of money. . . trying to fulfill a dream that you’ve been force-fed to think you want since you were a little girl playing with Barbie dolls. It’s insane. Having a party to celebrate making a committment to one particular person is great; throwing a wedding with all the flowers and dresses and presents and limosines and tuxedos and bachelor parties and cakes and pastel colored almonds and centerpieces and organ music and engraved invitations and ring bearers ad naseum is crazy. No wonder men get so scared at the mention of it all. You want to wear a kooky costume, pretend you are something you are not? Halloween exists for that purpose. I think it is a little sad that women need a day like this to feel special, loved, the center of attention.

    OK it occurs to me that I am making a distinction between marriage and weddings. And I am not sure if Never teh Bride is simply longing for the supposed fun/excitement/extravaganza of a wedding or just wants to be sure of the Beard’s feelings for her and the weddings of others remind her of this. Me? I say that there is not really a difference between being married and not being married. It’s just a piece of paper whose meaning can vary from one couple to another. It is not a guarantee. It is not a passport to happiness. I don’t know why so many otherwise intelligent women get so fixated on it.

    Here is the sad truth about marriage for women: unmarried men have shorter, unhappier and unhealthier lives than married men do. Married women have short, unhappier and unhealthier lives than unmarried women do. Why is this? Because despite everything, married women are the world’s slaves. Take care of everyone and everything, put themselves last, etc, etc, etc. Proven scientific fact. And yet, most women want to be married. Feel inadequate without it. A very troubling paradox. I think the X chromosome has some sort of martry thing attached to it.

  6. DelD says:

    Geez Louise, someone sounds embittered. Ahh, but the question is why?

  7. Natalie says:

    I didn’t see Never Wanted To Be The Bride’s post as embittered, DelD, just a different viewpoint on what weddings have become. What made the post sound bitter to you?

  8. Buttercup says:

    Natalie: 5 loooooooong ranting paragraphs about how wrong, wrong, wrong marriage is for women was probably DeID’s first clue.

  9. Never the Divorcee says:

    I’m at the point where I’m jealous of people getting divorced….

  10. Lori says:

    I actually agree with a lot of what Never Wanted says. Marriage isn’t a guarantee of happiness, and since relationships are more of a woman’s forte, the woman has to be in charge of it (and therefore do most of the work).

    Nevertheless, I’ve known people who lived together before marriage, and they’ve all said that the two states were not the same (e.g., you can’t just walk away from a marriage). Also, a serious partnership will require some sacrifices at some point, such as selling your house and moving in with your mate, changing jobs, taking care of a seriously ill mate, taking care of his parents, etc. These are sacrifices that I, for one, would make for a husband, but not for a boyfriend. And a husband worth his salt will support his wife when she needs these same things for herself.

    So for those of us who aren’t getting married anytime soon, let’s take advantage of our unemcumbered state. Don’t wait for Prince Charming–buy the house, take the “honeymoon” with friends, and buy and use everything that we’d put on a registry.