Outfitting the mature bride
By Never teh Bride
A long time back, I received a request to address the needs of the mature bride. Particularly these days, when people are waiting to find a life partner instead of opting for the first person of the opposite sex that comes along, not all brides are bouncy twenty-somethings who can only think in terms of a big, white, cookie-cutter wedding. Heck, I’m on my way to becoming a mature bride myself.
Of course, just because one is not fresh-out-of college or still years away from that first grey hair – remember those days? – does not mean one cannot have the fabulous wedding and the fabulous wedding dress of one’s dreams.
I think the raw skilk Anu Pam Bridal dress above would look dashing on the confident mature bride. It’s fitted so shows some sass, but the simple, unadorned nature of the gown itself can help camoflage flaws and remains dignified. Though it is strapless, one’s arms and shoulders are cleverly hidden by the matching bolero. I’ve found that this style of dress can look good on women of a range of sizes…but pairing it with a nice, old fashioned girdle wouldn’t hurt.
An article on CityLine’s web site recommends that the mature bride avoid heavy beading, ornate lace (which can look matronly, especially on the arms), and thickly embellished dresses. It also suggests choosing a dress that hides the parts of your body that you hate and emphasizes what you love. Great shoulders? Show em. Hate your rear end? Don’t go form fitting.
Above all, in my opinion, mature brides should do all they can to avoid looking like the mother of the bride. Sure, getting a two piece practical number that you can wear again and again can be tempting, but remember that the look you’re most likely going for is something that will stun em, not something that will show off your practicality.
November 9th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
Yikes, how old was the “mature bride” in the Cityline article? Thirty? Thirty-five? I had more in mind “fifty,” which is the age I will be at the rate events in my life are progressing. The Cityline dress was, I suppose, nice enough on the girl wearing it, but it would put creases where I do not actually have any. And in what parallel dimension is silk charmeuse not revealing? The Anu Pam dress is, I suppose, nice enough … Nice enough for a wedding, though? Meh. I’d be more interested in seeing options for the “mature” bride who happens to LIKE heavy beading, ornate lace, and thick embellishments. The Victorians managed to produce attractive ornate dresses for women who were no longer young, without the dresses looking so … sterile. And by “sterile” I don’t mean white, either. Honestly, with a more sincere underlining, the Anu Pam dress isn’t that far from something I’d wear during the course of the week.
Annalucia? Any thoughts?
November 9th, 2005 at 4:12 pm
The Annalucia, she rather likes the dress displayed in this posting because she thinks she would look well in it – the lowcut bodice suits her figure as do the sleeves (she does not do sleeveless, now or ever) and the lack of ornamentation. It would have to be looser around the waist – “skim rather than cling,” to quote the incomparable Trinny and Susannah – because she never had much waist to begin with and after five babies has even less. And she would like it in dark reddish-purple, please, and perhaps another one in silver-gray, for the warmer weather.
So LaBellaDonna is right, that this dress does not scream “Wedding!” – on the other hand it is the attractive look for the mature woman, and were the Annalucia to marry again (though she hopes never to do so since she is very happy with the Tedesco) she would go for this dress in a heartbeat.
The CityLine dresses, on the other hand, she finds uniformly unattractive, and so has nothing more to say about them.
November 9th, 2005 at 4:28 pm
I’ll have to look into the more ornate, but still appropos for the mature bride type gowns! My fear – which naturally colors my dress preferences – is that so many of the lacey, beady gowns have a high frump potential. But dangit, I have to believe that there is an option situated firmly in between, an option that appeals to multiple demographics and tastes…and I will continue to look!
November 9th, 2005 at 5:45 pm
As a onetime “mature” bride myself, I must say that would never have chosen the Anu Pam dress. For one thing, that high, flaring collar on the bolero is more the look of the wicked stepmother (think of Walt Disney’s “Snow White”) than the bride. Indeed, the entire look is awfully matronly (the bolero over the gown makes the whole look thick and heavy on top. And the other commentators are right: it’s too plain to be a proper wedding dress.
I know from experience how hard it is for an older bride to find a dress that looks festively bridal but not frumpy and overdone on the beading. I tried on dress after dress at store after store and hated them all. Finally, working with a dressmaker, I designed my own wedding dress, choosing sumptuous bridal fabrics (ivory Alencon lace and satin) but in a sleek and simple style. It worked wonderfully–but I would have looked like murder had I bought something off the rack.
November 9th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
And I agree with Annalucia about the CityLine dresses. That poor dear looks as though her dress got hiked up in the limousine and she forgot to pull it down. It’s a long dress masquerading as a short dress.
November 9th, 2005 at 6:14 pm
“There’s nothing wrong with being a 50-year-old woman, as long as you’re not trying to be 25.” I don’t see anything wrong with a woman of a certain age looking dignified and ceremonial for what is, well…a dignified ceremony.
Something I’ve wondered since I started reading this site–doesn’t anyone make wedding dresses with sleeves anymore?
November 9th, 2005 at 6:41 pm
Good question, Lori! I love sleeved dresses of a certain style, but I never seem to come across any! Most of the sleeved dresses I see when surfing around are “vintage” (apparently the 80’s are vintage now) and look straight out of a Dynasty episode.
That being the case, I wonder if the majority of the current hot designers are laboring under the assuption that every girl wants a summertime wedding? And, of course, that we’re all 5′10″ and 116 pounds.
November 9th, 2005 at 7:16 pm
Lori, yes, some people make wedding dresses with sleeves…Mormons!
http://www.eternitygowns.com/assets/bridal/2005spring/8109.htm
http://www.ldsbrides.com/gowns/gown_info.php?id=109&pg=0&style=16
http://www.allurebridals.com/modest.asp?ID=20
Some of the gowns just look like white prom dresses to me, but considering how many Mormon girls get married right out of high school that’s probably understandable.
Me, I’m Catholic and not yet officially engaged, but my boyfriend and I have discussed getting married in Rome, and some of the Roman churches have very strict dress codes, a la St. Peter’s–no sleeveless, no backless, no visible clevage, etc.–so I’ve been checking out Mormon wedding dresses, since they’re the only ones that seem to live up to the standard of modesty of some churches, and still manage to be relatively pretty.
This is a problem you might address in future, Never teh Bride: the bride whose church/religion won’t let her wear whatever she wants, but who still wants to be gorgeous on her big day. Not a big audience, perhaps, but she’s out there.
November 9th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
Great idea, Jane C!
November 10th, 2005 at 11:06 am
I have no problems with being a 50-year-old woman. I’m not trying to look 25; in fact, I have never looked 25. At 17, I looked 37 (gulp!); at 37, I looked 37; at 48, I look 37. Nature seems to have picked an age it likes for me, and there you are.
As a matter of fact, I look almost exactly like the wicked stepmother in Snow White. Doubtless why I find the Anu Pam dress perfectly acceptable – as a dress. I am also in favor of dignified and ceremonial – I’m at my most comfortable that way. I just am not in favor of severe, or columnar, or strapless, or plain – so many of the adjectives that seem to accompany descriptions of dresses for the “mature” bride (and which, IMO, could often be replaced with the word “drab.” Or “dreary.”)
As a matter of fact, both the gowns which I made for the Wonderful Bride and the Bad Bride had sleeves. The Bad Bride had Elizabethan sleeves (white velvet trimmed in gold, with the upper puff slashed with green and gold brocade). The Wonderful Bride … she wanted to dance later, but was self-conscious about her arms. So I wound up designing an overdress of silver-embroidered organza, which incorporated the sleeves she wanted (the top of the sleeve was bishop-style, with a gauntlet that ended in points over the hand, the whole thing mounted on a sheer peach organza undersleeve) into the train, which buttoned down the front, jacket style, over the gown. It had a small standing half-collar, and a two-yard train. I designed it so the train looked like one piece with the gown (it had the same sweetheart neckline), but the gown looked complete when the train came off. The gown had a sleeveless satin bodice, covered with the silver-embroidered organza, and a silver organza tablier front on the satin skirt. Nothing more entertaining than invisibly boning a sheer organza garment, let me tell you. Plus endless yards of silver-embroidered scallops, which I carefully cut off and then sewed back on. Aggghh.
I just would like a happy, celebratory dress that didn’t look as if it could stand in for a government function.
That I didn’t have to make myself.
November 10th, 2005 at 12:13 pm
I’ve also had an impossible time finding a gown with sleeves. I’m somewhere between young and mature (28) and my arms have never been my favorite feature, even when I was 18.
Why don’t the designers make gowns without sleeves? It’s a question that my mother brought up while looking through catalogues, and it’s a question other brides have mentioned too. So seeing it here, I know, there are lots of people out there wondering!
I wish designers could understand that ’sexy’ isn’t the same thing as ’showing as much skin as possible.’
November 10th, 2005 at 2:22 pm
I can’t understand why sleeves are out, either–and I just don’t get strapless wedding gowns. Many of them, displayed on this site, are beautiful and elegant, but they’re evening gowns, not wedding gowns. They don’t seem appropriate for church weddings (although I know they’re worn at religious weddings–the clergymen seem to have given up), and, frankly, a strapless dress looks silly with a veil, as though the bride forgot to put on any clothes between her long full skirt and her big full veil. Furthermore, they’re not particularly flattering to many women, even young women. A dress can be perfectly stylish beautiful and sexy–check out Manolo’s photo of Grace Kelly under “Celebrity Brides”–and also dignified and appropriate for the solemn exchange of vows that a wedding is.
November 14th, 2005 at 10:47 pm
I do not have great arms and I certainly do not have a perfect figure, but strapless dresses were the most flattering on me. Short sleeves, especially cap sleeves, simply accentuate heavy arms. Strapless dresses make one look narrow and lovely through the waist and emphasize the bust.
November 15th, 2005 at 11:45 am
Greetings and felicitations to the 27-year-old bride; the Annalucia hopes she will stay and visit awhile, as this blog is blessed with a gracious hostess and many intelligent and witty commenters.
The Sonetka (this is the eldest daughter of the Annalucia) was married three years ago in the strapless pale-blue gown, and though it was a great shock to see her in something other than the T-shirt and the jeans she nonetheless looked lovely. She also had the pale silk shawl (oblong, unfringed) which she wore during the church ceremony lest anyone be shocked by shoulders and upper arms, and which she put aside during the reception. A very good look as it turned out, though not at all her usual style.
And the Annalucia agrees with the bride about cap sleeves. They are an abomination to any woman who is not built like the underfed eleven-year-old boy.
November 15th, 2005 at 1:54 pm
I actually had my wedding dress made, in part so I could have sleeves! It was a classic style, a low square neck on a fitted bodice, elbow-length sleeves with a frill, and a full skirt and overskirt that split in the front. Much more appropriate for my body and the church I was married in than a strapless dress would have been.
November 16th, 2005 at 10:56 pm
That’s opne fabulous solution, oliviacw! I have found a dressmaker that would make my ultimate dress and have their web page bookmarked. I can only hope that wise, old seamstress is still alive when The Beard finally gets around to proposing!