Puffin’ and buffin’s not just for the ladies

The gas registry

Everyone knows about Bridezilla. She hems and haws and demands that everything be perfect and rags on her husband-to-be and isn’t very nice to individuals working in thye service industry. But we live in the age of metrosexuals and do-it-yourself tooth whiteners. That means the newest witchy wedding whiners are not the brides, but the grooms. Enter Groomzilla.

Groomzilla may not be so concerned about the flowers and favors, but he is obsessed with spreadsheeted budgets and cost cutting solutions. He doesn’t so much want to plan the wedding as to oversee its planning. According to Time Magazine, Groomzilla wants a “$1,800 custom-made worsted-wool suit” and eyebrow wax and a manicure.

The “bridezillas” who pay assiduous attention to nuptial details haven’t disappeared. But increasingly they’re joined at the altar by “groomzillas,” who care just as much about the particulars of the big day. Whereas a decade ago many men limited their input to the choice of DJ for the reception, growing numbers are now getting involved with everything from seating plans and table decorations to wedding-cake design and keepsakes for guests.

According to NPD Research, a New York based marketing firm, 80% of men are now active co-partners in the wedding-planning process. Really, now. Not surprising, considering one can now create a registry for just about anything, just about anywhere.

That may be true in the big city, but I’m pretty sure that’s not true where my family lives in a small town in the south. I don’t know what I’d do if The Beard had a different idea regarding what our (at this point, highly fictional) wedding ceremony should be like. Okay…that’s not quite true. But I’ve been dreaming of my wedding for ages. And I like to keep things simple and authentic. I don’t plan on becoming Bridezilla, but I do want to stick to the plan.

12 Responses to “Puffin’ and buffin’s not just for the ladies”

  1. Lou DiCola January 4, 2006 at 9:41 pm #

    The story about Groomzilla is not news to me and my wife, Sylvia, who owns and operates Danese Creations Tailoring and Bridal, in Phoenix. We’ve noticed this trend for awhile now, and I sometimes try to fight it by taking the groom aside and giving him some manly advice. I tell him, ” Look. You shouldn’t be involved with this wedding in the least bit. All you should do is pick out the tuxes you want, and show up, and that’s all, and here’s why. One of these days you’re going to want to do something that your wife doesn’t want you to do, and when that day comes, you can say that you let her plan her wedding anyway she wanted, and now it’s your turn. ”
    I don’t know if this will help of these grooms now, but it makes me feel good to know that I’ve added at least one more arrow to their quiver when they themselves are called to battle in the war of the sexes.

  2. Mrs. B January 5, 2006 at 6:22 am #

    Wow. That guy, Lou, is one scary dude.

    His poor wife. What a manipulative jerk.

    My husband (of 10 years) helped with the details of the wedding. It was a beautiful day that said “US”, not “me, the bride”. We had many compliments that it was the most beautiful and meaningful wedding the guests had been to, and that they could see both of us as individuals, as well as the couple, in the details.

    And now, 10 years later, we actually talk about our problems, and work them out, rather than “pulling arrows from our quivers”.

    Please, Lou. Grow up, or get counseling, or something.

    And stop giving “manly advice” to young people. If there’s a battle/war between the sexes in your house, it’s probably because there is another problem.

    Sheesh.

  3. La BellaDonna January 5, 2006 at 10:54 am #

    I agree with the lovely Mrs. B. I was under the impression that marriage was a joint venture, and a joint adventure, not a battle between two participants and, I suppose, as many innocent bystanders as possible dragged into the fray.

    Unpleasant “advice,” unpleasant attitude. I shall light a candle for the unfortunate Sylvia.

  4. Never teh Bride January 5, 2006 at 1:44 pm #

    A wedding, IMHO, should be about two people, not just the one with the XX chromosomes. However, I do know a few future brides who have tactfully and not so tactfully encouraged their future husbands to butt out! In that case, I feel bad for the men, who might not like the idea of strung Christmas lights or a cold seafood gelee. Really, if The Beard wanted to add something to my dream wedding, I’d let him. It can only help relations later on.

  5. jj January 5, 2006 at 3:37 pm #

    I think whether Lou’s advice is good or not depends on how ‘zilla the bride and groom are. If both of them are going crazy and it’s a struggle, then yeah… it’s better for one person to just drop it and reduce the stress level.

    But in my case, I was happy to have my husband’s insight on the parts that were important to him, and I NEEDED his help with the seating plan, since I barely knew many of his relatvies. Then again, he was hardly a groomzilla about any of it, he’s a pretty laid back guy.

  6. Darcy January 5, 2006 at 6:35 pm #

    My husband and I worked 50-50 on our wedding plans, but I’m the opposite of Bridezilla and I enjoyed and appreciated his input and help. In our case, two heads were almost always better than one, and our wedding planning experience was our first taste of what a great team we make when we work together on a project!

    Yeah, he made a few spreadsheets, but he’s a dork, and that’s one of the things I find very endearing about him. Plus, we paid for the whole shebang ourselves so it was good to see where our money was going. I guess I’m a dork, too.

  7. Lou DiCola January 6, 2006 at 8:34 pm #

    Mrs. B and LaBellaDonna seem humorously challenged, whereas Darcy, JJ and Never theBride seem like women who have happy men for husbands. But don’t fret too much, Mrs B and JJ, all is not hopeless. Just get a copy of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor in The Taming of the Shrew, watch it with your husbands with a bottle of wine and the younguns asleep in bed, and enjoy. My wife and I have been together for almost 16 years now, and we both like the movie.

  8. La BellaDonna January 10, 2006 at 11:45 am #

    Why, yes, Mr. DiCola, I would absolutely be the first to admit to being “humorously challenged;” certainly in terms of suggesting the fine art of manipulation in terms of marital relations. I’m glad that you and your wife have been together for almost 16 years, and that you both have a fondness for one movie in common. But be advised: even the slowest learner may discover that she’s been manipulated, and she may not like it – either the discovery, or the manipulation. I left after 23 years of marriage, and my ex is still telling people that we had a great marriage, and that “suddenly” I left it for no reason.

  9. Lou DiCola January 28, 2006 at 4:30 pm #

    Dear LaBellaDonna, Ending a marriage after 23 years must have been very painful—I am sorry for your loss. Neither my wife nor I engage in any forms of manipulation, but we love and celebrate the differences between men and women, and we especially love the humor that comes from those differences. And one of the differences between men and women is that women love to plan weddings, and men not so much. We feel that men should be men, and that women should be glad of it. (Actually, that’s my own little twist there, but my wife would just read that and appreciate the humor behind it.) I guess we’re lucky to have found each other.

  10. Dale Osborne May 4, 2006 at 12:20 pm #

    I stumbled across this thread when searching for info on Danese Creations… I can attest to the fact that Lou is not a jerk. And his wife is one of the lovliest and kindest people I have ever met.

    I can also testify that Lou’s policy works. Marriages are about two people, that is for sure. WEDDINGS are about the bride. 99.999 percent of men recognize that they are legally married if they whiz through a drive-up Elvis window and pay 50 bucks. Wimmen, on the other hand, need and want all the glitz… and that is okay… but they should not expect the groom to share in their enthusiasm for the pomp and circumstance. After all, there is no beer during this time and no remote control, no sports…

  11. FutureMrs.C July 11, 2006 at 12:19 am #

    I have to say – planning a wedding with my beloved, who has opinions on everything (down to the colors!) has been an excellent exercise in negotiation. He isn’t Groomzilla, not in the least, however, everything has been up for discussion–as long as I do the research. I am not a typical bride, I haven’t spent the last 34 years planning my wedding..and while I appreciate his input…making choices together takes more time than I imagined; sometimes I DO just want to say “you don’t have a say!!”. I believe however, that if we can’t get through this negotiation, we have trouble ahead anyway…and besides, at the end of the day, I hope our guests will say “that day completely reflected the COUPLE.” (not just the bride). PS – Lou: your wife does beautiful work…I’ll be stopping by to see her in the near future!

  12. Lou DiCola February 16, 2007 at 10:34 pm #

    Wow, I had completely forgotten about these postings, and this website. Surprised to see all these postings still here–figured they’d have been replace with something else by now.
    Thank you, Dale, and FutureMrs.C, for the kind words.