When I told him I was going to keep my own name, I girded up my loins in case there was an argument, but he just said ‘I never thought you wouldn’t keep your name. You like it so much.’

If only my father had understood that. Sigh.

The only couple I’ve ever known who wanted to take her name, it was a case where a) the groom’s father had pulled a disappearing act and not been seen since before said groom could talk, and b) they both thought the bride’s name was really cool. Oddly enough, it was her family that balked. By that time, the groom had gotten so excited about ditching his absent father’s name that he decided there was no way he would continue to use it. A compromise was finally reached when the groom had his name legally changed to his mother’s maiden name.

I also have a friend who was divorced with two children when she met Mr. Right. To save a bit on confusion, she continued to use husband #1′s sirname, so it matches the kids. Now that the younger kid is in college, she’s changing to use husband #2′s name so as to match him.

My advice to anyone considering this question is to ignore the relatives. Make your own decision based on the criteria that matter to you. There is no right or wrong in deciding whose name to use. Pick what makes you happy and comfortable. His name, her name, hyphens, underscores, newly made up names, it’s really about what works for you.

I’m keeping my name – I’m Irish and it’s unusual these days for women to change theirs, though that depends a bit on education and socioeconomic status – but because we’re geeks, we’re kinda flirting with the idea of both of us joining our names – but not with a hyphen, with an underscore. Him and Her Hername_Lastname.

However, I still felt more than a little guilty about it. If I hadn’t disliked my last name, I would have fought hard, but I gave in. I hyphenated on most legal documents, but it got rather clumsy, so I’ve moved my maiden name to a second middle name. For our first anniversary, my husband started the process of adding my maiden name as his second middle name as well. What a great “paper” anniversary present!

I just wish I’d have thought about this as an option earlier. When our full names are written out, we both have the same 2 names at the end, but we have the bonus of having his more convenient last name socially (which incidentally sounds better with both our names than mine)

The Annalucia also agrees that people may wear whatever name they wish – but she asks them to be patient with those who are slow to catch on, especially once children become involved. Many years ago, when her eldest child was in the first grade, the Annalucia had to phone all the other parents in the class for something or other. Among the children was a boy named (shall we say) Kevin Gambino. The Annalucia dialed the number and heard the recorded message saying roughly the following: “Hello, you have reached the number of [let us call them] Bridget Sullivan and Mark Steinfels. We cannot take your call right now…”

Steinfels? Sullivan? Gambino? The Annalucia was greatly puzzled as you can imagine, and she left a message saying that she was looking for the parents of Kevin Gambino, and if she had reached the right number, would they please call her back. As it turned out the Bridget (keeping her maiden name) had divorced the Kevin’s father and remarried to the Mr. Steinfels. Three family members with three surnames, it is a bit much to keep track of.

My mother when she remarried also hypenated and came to realize later that 10 letters plus 7 was way too many and has pretty much gone to her married name for most things.