Manolo for the Brides

Even when we don’t admit it, most of us hold a special place in our hearts for Fido and Fluffy. While in my case, the little critters are cats (Kilgore and Moya), and thus not much good for anything resembling ring bearing or the like, a lot of folks have dogs that can be trained to be a part of a wedding ceremony. Or, at least, a wedding cermeony held outside or somewhere other than within the walls of most churches. And the trend is growing.

“I find that about 30 percent of my weddings involve pets,” says Los Angeles wedding planner Mindy Weiss, who has coordinated the happy occasion for numerous celebrities, in an article for Palm Springs Life. “I think it would be more, but a lot of venues do not allow animals.” Tori Spelling’s dogs served as flower girl and ring bearer, and Adam Sandler’s dogs Matzoball (pulled down the aisle in a wagon) and Meatball served those same roles, respectively.

Well, celebrities do it, sure. They also have plenty of money to devote to steamcleaning, replacement rings, and drycleaning costs, should Fifi not behaver herself when walking down the aisle. For the rest of us - by which I mean those who would prefer not to have to go through the rigamorole of training a dog, cat, parrot, or ferret to saunter in a straight line without being diverted by oohing and ahhing guests - there are other ways of including precious Foo Foo in a wedding ceremony or reception.

• Your little bundle of four-legged joy can wait patiently in a carrier during the ceremony and then don a bridal-color-coordinated collar to frolic the night away at the reception.
• He or she can be included as a groomsman or bridesmaid, provided one of the bipedal attendants promises to keep a tight grip on the leash.
• If the animal in question is small and quite patient about being carried, he or she can enjoy the cermeony in the comfort of the arms of a very patient attendant.
• Have a parent or friend lead your kitty or pup to the alter to deliver the rings during the correct bit of the ceremony and then lead the animal way before he or she has a chance to do anything naughty.
• Let pets attend the ceremony but keep them safe and secure in a comfy carrier.

Please note that I by no means advocating any of these suggestions and nor am I making light of any bride who chooses to include an animal in her wedding. Some wouldn’t. My grandfather is of the opinion that animals are animals and thus dressing them up degrades their natural dignity. Some would…to the extreme…by marrying dolphins. It’s your wedding, folks, so it’s up to you.

One word of advice, however. If you, like me, have a pet that won’t sit still and seldom shuts up (Hi Kilgore! Hi Moya!), it’s recommended that you leave them at home. Pets are loyal. They’ll be there when you get back.

I’m really liking this super glam satin bridesmaid gown from PacificPlex. I’m a big fan of dresses with a little stretch and dresses that feature ruching. If it has lumps on purpose, no one’s going to notice the lumps that aren’t supposed to be there. The gown, which also comes in a jewel-like fuscia, red, gold, blue, and pink, has a matching chiffon scarf that’s great for covering up the shoulder area.

My only beef is the flat front panel that could reveal a little too much about my exercise habits. Of course, if I wore this dress in a wedding party, you know I’d be sporting my control top tights.

No, not those under five feet tall. Maybe I’ll tackle that some other time. I mean ladies sporting totally modern, super hip short locks. I was inspired to take on this topic a few days ago when I visited the salon in order to have my long ladylike tresses converted into an ultra-short, face-framing do. What can I say? I’m brave like that. And it’s only hair. Right?

Cut to shortly thereafter when The Beard hinted he might be inclined to pop the question one of these days (YAY!) and I realized I’d never even considered how someone with hair as short as mine might go about styling it for their wedding. Updo’s are almost the least complicated thing one can do because one typically leaves the doing of it to an accomplished stylist. And, with a longish updo, there are all manner of things one can pin into or onto it.

That leaves headbands, crowns and wreaths, little clips, and plain. Of course, that accomplished stylist I was thinking about will be able to think of something, but it’s best to have at least some idea of what you want. Here are three looks from WeddingHair.com that I like and that can be purchased in kit form:

If you’re a DIYer, you could check out Beautiful Bride - HAIR, The Perfect Wedding Series Volume 2, which gives a number of hints and tips on styling your own hair for your wedding day.

Of course, none of this has helped me determine whether wearing a veil is even a possibility with two-inch long hair.

According to a Cornell University study released in November of last year, people in relationships are generally happier than other people. But that’s not all. Apparently, the level of commitment in your relationship also has an effect on how happy you are. Spouses have the highest level of well-being, even when their marriages are in the pooper, which is odd. Cohabitating couples like myself and The Beard are next on the happiness scale. Those in steady relationships and then those in casual relationships follow.

“Some commitment appears to be good, but more commitment appears to be even better,” said Claire Kamp Dush, a postdoctoral fellow with the Evolving Family Theme Project of the Institute for the Social Sciences at Cornell and first author of one of the few studies to examine well-being across the relationship continuum.

“Even when controlling for relationship happiness, being married is associated with higher self-esteem, greater life satisfaction, greater happiness and less distress, whereas people who are not in stable romantic relationships tend to report lower self-esteem, less life satisfaction, less happiness and more distress,” she explained.

Of course, I’m always suspicious of such studies. I think it’s entirely possible to be super happy without a boyfriend or girlfriend. My guess is that the researchers use a number of variables to define happiness, which may include support and companionship. That said, there is no reason not to tuck this tidbit of information away into my arsenal of information regarding weddings and such that I use to discomfit The Beard.

If you want to talk commitment with your mate, consider picking up Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. My dad bought a copy for me and The Beard and I loved it. It helps people understand that there are a ton of different ways people express love.

Or you could just watch Dean Martin in How To Save a Marriage And Ruin Your Life.

For the most part, the days in which brides in the western world were unfamiliar with the arts of love until their wedding days are over. Bridal undergarments used to be a complicated affair of clips, stays, inflexible boning, and lace, most likely meant to confuse men. They often still are. But more often, lingerie represents the foundation of one’s fashion…the keystone, if you will. A silky smooth, form fitting gown requires a different sort of underpant than what one would logically put underneath a big princess dress.

Modern underwear is more functional than fancy. However, what we think of as fancy once had function. According to Lifetips,

Historically, garter belts provided a function — to keep your stockings from falling down. (Remember, these were the days before elastic.) Even men wore garters around their calves to keep their socks up!

These days, the sexy garter belt is just about the only one we think of when we hear the phrase. These come in several alluring fabrics and colors, and are usually used to seduction, not function!

It’s up to the future bride to decide whether or not her elborate dress will conceal similarly elaborate undies. The day of a wedding and reception can be a long and busy one. But a bride may want her “unveiling” to be as symbolic and memorable as her veiling. The style of dress should also play a part in her choice of undergarment.

Brides should start shopping as soon as the dress has been chosen. The sales associates at bridal boutiques may be able to offer advice. A photo of the dress can help them determine what style will build the best foundation. Even if a bride is looking for a sexier style, the keyword should always be comfort. As South Shore Weddings points out,

Because the fabric will be so form fitting against your skin, you will want to choose a fabric that does not cause you to itch, perspire excessively, or has very stiff boning in the construction that might become uncomfortable to you throughout the day. If you need boning, it is best to choose one that is flexible.

I wholeheartedly agree that it’s best not to choke oneself on one’s wedding day. While I plan to post a step by step guide to choosing your wedding undies in the future, for now I humbly offer this by-the-dress bra advice:

Strapless or off-the-shoulder: Choose a bustier or corset instead of a strapless bra. The former won’t slip down and end up around your waist while you’re leading the conga line during the reception. It will also push the breasts upward, making you look hot.

Plunging neckline or backless: If you’re small or firm enough, a good tailor should be able to sew supportive cups into the dress. If not…I don’t know what to tell ya! If your dress is backless, a plunging halter bra may do the trick.

Empire waist with sleeves: Any bra that doesn’t bulge will do!

Tank style: Again, any bra that doesn’t show or bulge will do. Don’t forget to safety pin the straps to the dress, lest you look like a teenybopper or Britney Spears.

Low cut back: You may be able to find a bustier with a sunken backstrap. Or, if your dress has a halter style top, try a halter bra that plunges to wrap around the waist.

Finally, regardless of the style of dress, I recommend lingerie in nude rather than white. Not all whites will match up.

A New York-based couple who recently married in New Zealand found an innovative way to settle the usual surname dilemma. Society regulars Sam Shaffer and Kathryn Neale held a softball match wherein wedding guests stepped up to the plate to help determine which member of the couple would change their last name. According to Stuff New Zealand, it was the groom’s side that struck out, beaten 8-7.

Neale, 29, who grew up in the Wellington suburb of Newlands, said she liked her name and had had mixed feelings about changing it.

A baseball fan, Mr Neale (nee Shaffer), 34, originally suggested they play the American game – but his wife had insisted on softball.

“It was all a bit of a joke, I’ll take your name if you take my name,” said the bride, who met her husband in New York five years ago.

True to his word, Mr Neale will honour the deal “for a period of time”.

“We did think with Sam Neale you’d be able to get into more restaurants – if I could master the accent,” he said.

“(However) the world is not as progressive as we are. It’s an honorary title, but one with much honour.”

Now, I’m not one to push anyone to have their wedding a certain way. Or to wear a certain dress or style their hair in a certain fashion. I’m just here to offer subtle suggestions as to what is probably right and what is probably wrong. A wedding, being the highly personal affair that it is, should always reflect the tastes and traditions of the individuals getting married. However, those individuals should know that their tastes and traditions are going to say a lot about who they are.

That said, the Manolo’s Carnivale of the Couture for this week is “Fashion Don’ts that Make You Crazy.” I’m going to take liberties today and talk about both the wedding fashion and etiquette don’ts that drive me crazy.

• Cash bars. I understand the necessity of frugality. I employ money-saving tactics every day of my life. But if you can’t afford a full bar, wine and soft drinks will suffice. A wedding does not need to be a frat party.
• The dollar dance. Is there anything more tacky? If you didn’t already know, a dollar dance is a period during the reception wherein guests pay to dance with the new bride or groom.
• Brides that go so crazy with shimmery makeup that it’s hard to see them through the glare. Yes, I understand, you feel all dewy and glowy and innocent inside. That’s still no excuse to make yourself look like a female impersonator in a mermaid show on your big day.
• Wedding gowns that look more like cakes than clothing. Unless you’re a real, honest-to-goodness princess or having a Dynasty themed wedding, please exercise some discretion when it comes to pearls, lace, embroidery, and bows bigger than your head.
• Future grooms telling their future brides to “just tell me when and where to show up.” Yuck. Um, sure, it’s likely that her family is paying, but don’t you think she might just want a little bit of help?
• Horrible favors and table treats. Many a time have I asked myself just when the bride thought her guests would use a tiny ceramic basket with tiny ceramic flowers stuck on. Or whether her family thought we’d enjoy breaking our teeth on six-year-old Jordan almonds. If there are going to be favors at the reception tables, please, please, please make them something useful. Or at least not eye-blinkingly bad.
• And, of course, warp speed celebrity weddings!

Let’s see. When The Beard finally gets his head of of his rear and pops the question, I’m going to be faced with a bunch of options, and I’m not talking about place settings. In the US, at least, one can change one’s name to just about anything. A few months back, a National Guardsman changed his name to Optimus Prime - the leader of the Autobots Transformers from the 80s cartoon show. So, were I to get married, I could be:

• Mrs. The Beard
• Mrs. The Beard - Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Never teh Bride - The Beard
• Ms. Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Name we made up together

It boggles the mind. As I’m sure you know, women are under no obligation to take the last name of the man they marry. Some women apparently use their husband’s name in an informal way, with friends and family, while keeping their maiden name in a legal sense. And some men even change their last name to that of their bride!

Of course, most women do change their names after marriage. There are some benefits to doing so, according to Nina Callaway of About.com. She notes that taking your husbands name makes everything surrounding children, travling, getting sick, and dealing with parents that much easier. Also, if you never cared much for your last name, getting married is a wonderful excuse to change it.

Callaway also notes some drawbacks:

You’re getting married, not becoming a different person. Changing your last name may feel like a loss of self or a loss of identity.

It may go against your politics – after all, why does the woman have to change her name, and not the man? Furthermore, changing your name may imply that you are more old-fashioned or traditional than you actually are.

If you are the last of your family with your last name, you may not want to give it up.

If your name is interesting, or alliterative, and his name is hard to pronounce or just dissonant, it may be better to stick with the name you were born with.

If you’ve become known in your career field, it may be hard to reestablish your reputation with a different last name.

And that’s really all I have to put forth about this topic. The decision to change one’s name is an intensely personal one, particularly because we as human beings put so much emphasis on those things that define our identity. That said, anyone out there have an interesting name change story they’d like to share?

Stay tuned for a future post about the horrible rigamorole women (and men) must go through in order to change their names!

Because weddings happen but once in a lifetime (if we’re lucky), they are often associated with regret. What a couple would have done differently can sometimes overshadow what they did right. With a large traditional wedding, there are so many things that can go wrong. But if you’re the type of gal or guy who has been dreaming of the perfect wedding since you were small, setting your expectations low will only bum you out.

Confetti Weddings has a fabulous list of recommendations from real brides that can help future brides avoid post-wedding regret. Check out some highlights:

• Make sure you choose a relaxing honeymoon! By the time we started ours, I was so exhausted from the wedding that we ended up cancelling most of our pre-booked trips to various sites and instead spent time just chilling out by the pool. Don’t underestimate how tired you will feel
• “If you’re planning to have a DJ, compile a play list before the wedding. That way, you avoid the horror of having to listen to trendy techno tunes all night or alternatively teeny bands such as ‘Steps.’
• Wear your shoes around the house before the big day to wear them in. I didn’t and discovered that wearing agonising new shoes and trying to look serene and beautiful at the same time is hard work!
• If I had the chance to do it again, I would be more inventive. I’d invite people I liked rather than those out of duty.
• Loosen up, relax and do it how YOU want it - not how your parents or his parents tell you. It’s your day, so indulge your wishes and wants. If you want to bore them rigid as you recite your first love letters - that’s your prerogative.

And here are mine…which I’ve scientifically extrapolated, as I’ve not had a chance to be married myself:

• Don’t let one foul up or foible ruin the entire day.
• Bring safety pins and bobby pins and tissues and extra backs for earrings.
• Remember to keep your sense of humor at the ready at the ceremony and reception.
• Don’t be upset if your attendants don’t know what’s expected of them throughout the wedding planning process.
• If something goes wrong, don’t see it as your having failed.
• And, above all, be nice!