A New York-based couple who recently married in New Zealand found an innovative way to settle the usual surname dilemma. Society regulars Sam Shaffer and Kathryn Neale held a softball match wherein wedding guests stepped up to the plate to help determine which member of the couple would change their last name. According to Stuff New Zealand, it was the groom’s side that struck out, beaten 8-7.

Neale, 29, who grew up in the Wellington suburb of Newlands, said she liked her name and had had mixed feelings about changing it.

A baseball fan, Mr Neale (nee Shaffer), 34, originally suggested they play the American game – but his wife had insisted on softball.

“It was all a bit of a joke, I’ll take your name if you take my name,” said the bride, who met her husband in New York five years ago.

True to his word, Mr Neale will honour the deal “for a period of time”.

“We did think with Sam Neale you’d be able to get into more restaurants – if I could master the accent,” he said.

“(However) the world is not as progressive as we are. It’s an honorary title, but one with much honour.”

Now, I’m not one to push anyone to have their wedding a certain way. Or to wear a certain dress or style their hair in a certain fashion. I’m just here to offer subtle suggestions as to what is probably right and what is probably wrong. A wedding, being the highly personal affair that it is, should always reflect the tastes and traditions of the individuals getting married. However, those individuals should know that their tastes and traditions are going to say a lot about who they are.

That said, the Manolo’s Carnivale of the Couture for this week is “Fashion Don’ts that Make You Crazy.” I’m going to take liberties today and talk about both the wedding fashion and etiquette don’ts that drive me crazy.

• Cash bars. I understand the necessity of frugality. I employ money-saving tactics every day of my life. But if you can’t afford a full bar, wine and soft drinks will suffice. A wedding does not need to be a frat party.
• The dollar dance. Is there anything more tacky? If you didn’t already know, a dollar dance is a period during the reception wherein guests pay to dance with the new bride or groom.
• Brides that go so crazy with shimmery makeup that it’s hard to see them through the glare. Yes, I understand, you feel all dewy and glowy and innocent inside. That’s still no excuse to make yourself look like a female impersonator in a mermaid show on your big day.
• Wedding gowns that look more like cakes than clothing. Unless you’re a real, honest-to-goodness princess or having a Dynasty themed wedding, please exercise some discretion when it comes to pearls, lace, embroidery, and bows bigger than your head.
• Future grooms telling their future brides to “just tell me when and where to show up.” Yuck. Um, sure, it’s likely that her family is paying, but don’t you think she might just want a little bit of help?
• Horrible favors and table treats. Many a time have I asked myself just when the bride thought her guests would use a tiny ceramic basket with tiny ceramic flowers stuck on. Or whether her family thought we’d enjoy breaking our teeth on six-year-old Jordan almonds. If there are going to be favors at the reception tables, please, please, please make them something useful. Or at least not eye-blinkingly bad.
• And, of course, warp speed celebrity weddings!

Let’s see. When The Beard finally gets his head of of his rear and pops the question, I’m going to be faced with a bunch of options, and I’m not talking about place settings. In the US, at least, one can change one’s name to just about anything. A few months back, a National Guardsman changed his name to Optimus Prime – the leader of the Autobots Transformers from the 80s cartoon show. So, were I to get married, I could be:

• Mrs. The Beard
• Mrs. The Beard – Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Never teh Bride – The Beard
• Ms. Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Never teh Bride
• Mrs. Name we made up together

It boggles the mind. As I’m sure you know, women are under no obligation to take the last name of the man they marry. Some women apparently use their husband’s name in an informal way, with friends and family, while keeping their maiden name in a legal sense. And some men even change their last name to that of their bride!

Of course, most women do change their names after marriage. There are some benefits to doing so, according to Nina Callaway of About.com. She notes that taking your husbands name makes everything surrounding children, travling, getting sick, and dealing with parents that much easier. Also, if you never cared much for your last name, getting married is a wonderful excuse to change it.

Callaway also notes some drawbacks:

You’re getting married, not becoming a different person. Changing your last name may feel like a loss of self or a loss of identity.

It may go against your politics – after all, why does the woman have to change her name, and not the man? Furthermore, changing your name may imply that you are more old-fashioned or traditional than you actually are.

If you are the last of your family with your last name, you may not want to give it up.

If your name is interesting, or alliterative, and his name is hard to pronounce or just dissonant, it may be better to stick with the name you were born with.

If you’ve become known in your career field, it may be hard to reestablish your reputation with a different last name.

And that’s really all I have to put forth about this topic. The decision to change one’s name is an intensely personal one, particularly because we as human beings put so much emphasis on those things that define our identity. That said, anyone out there have an interesting name change story they’d like to share?

Stay tuned for a future post about the horrible rigamorole women (and men) must go through in order to change their names!

Because weddings happen but once in a lifetime (if we’re lucky), they are often associated with regret. What a couple would have done differently can sometimes overshadow what they did right. With a large traditional wedding, there are so many things that can go wrong. But if you’re the type of gal or guy who has been dreaming of the perfect wedding since you were small, setting your expectations low will only bum you out.

Confetti Weddings has a fabulous list of recommendations from real brides that can help future brides avoid post-wedding regret. Check out some highlights:

• Make sure you choose a relaxing honeymoon! By the time we started ours, I was so exhausted from the wedding that we ended up cancelling most of our pre-booked trips to various sites and instead spent time just chilling out by the pool. Don’t underestimate how tired you will feel
• “If you’re planning to have a DJ, compile a play list before the wedding. That way, you avoid the horror of having to listen to trendy techno tunes all night or alternatively teeny bands such as ‘Steps.’
• Wear your shoes around the house before the big day to wear them in. I didn’t and discovered that wearing agonising new shoes and trying to look serene and beautiful at the same time is hard work!
• If I had the chance to do it again, I would be more inventive. I’d invite people I liked rather than those out of duty.
• Loosen up, relax and do it how YOU want it – not how your parents or his parents tell you. It’s your day, so indulge your wishes and wants. If you want to bore them rigid as you recite your first love letters – that’s your prerogative.

And here are mine…which I’ve scientifically extrapolated, as I’ve not had a chance to be married myself:

• Don’t let one foul up or foible ruin the entire day.
• Bring safety pins and bobby pins and tissues and extra backs for earrings.
• Remember to keep your sense of humor at the ready at the ceremony and reception.
• Don’t be upset if your attendants don’t know what’s expected of them throughout the wedding planning process.
• If something goes wrong, don’t see it as your having failed.
• And, above all, be nice!

Flowers. Huh. I’m pretty sure I have not tackled the subject of flowers. Not even once. And this makes me laugh because back in the day, when I was a lowly intern at a Manhattan editorial provider, one of my biggest assignments was working on a book about wedding flowers. I even interviewed famous wedding planner Colin Cowie.

Now Mr. Cowie (does anyone else think his name is laugh-out-loud funny?) was of the firm opinion that if he let future brides choose their own flowers, flatware, and favors, they would hate him the morning after. As you can imagine, I feel very differently. The guests may not like it. Grandma may not like it. And wedding planners all over the country may not like it, but brides (and, of course, grooms) can have whatever they damn well please on their wedding days.

The average cost of wedding flowers ranges between $800 and $1,000. All that means is that your flowers may cost a lot more or a lot less, depending on whim and budget. As usual, do-it-yourself is an option, though there are some things to take into consideration. Research is key here, since some flowers hold up better than others, and both bouquets and arrangements are created a day or so before the wedding. Cheap Chic Weddings notes that future brides and grooms can…

Enlist the help of family or friends to help you with the arrangements and bouquets. You will all have lots of fun and it will be very satisfying. They won’t be like every other wedding flowers, no cookie-cutter plan here. When the compliments start flowing it will be that much better. The guest will remember your handy work for a long time.

And there are silk flowers, which look more and more realistic these days. Or the always lovely and sophisticated single calla lily wrapped with a pretty ribbon.

And, of course, there are books like Terry Rye’s Creative Wedding Florals You Can Make. With step by step instructions on bouquets, decorative blooms, and centerpieces (and photos to go along with them) there is little chance of having to walk down the aisle with screwy blooms.

Stay tuned for posts about the various methods of bouquet preservation and just what those bridal blooms mean!

Um. This book scares me. The first sentence of this book’s description reads: “In this hip and utterly indispensable guide, two happily married husbands and regular guys reveal the secrets to getting a man down on bended knee — his most uncomfortable position.”

Now I’m sure authors Richard Kirshenbaum and Daniel Rosenberg are great guys. But I’m not sure I want to explore “the artful use of marketing tactics” to “reel in” The Beard. Or to convince him that “marriage is man’s best friend.”

I’m sure this book is cute. And I’m sure that leaving it laying around the house would scare The Beard, which is a huge bonus. But I think I’d rather sacrifice my relationship than forever wonder if I was married only because I’d duped some poor man into it or used sophisticated psychology to make the fellow believe he wanted to marry me.

In fact, I’ve told The Beard many a time that I certainly don’t want to marry anyone who doesn’t want to marry me just as much. Or someone who looks upon marriage as a lifelong sentence.

Am I wrong here?

I only just caught this, but I wanted to wish singer Pink (aka Alecia Moore) and her motorcross hubby Carey Hart all the best. The couple was married on New Year’s Day in one of my favorite places in the entire world, Costa Rica. Over 100 well-wishers attended the ceremony, which was held on the beach in front of an unspecified Four Seasons resort.

As you may know, it was the bold and brassy Pink that proposed to Mr. Hart by holding up a cardboard sign asking, “Will you marry me?”