Comments on: Blended families: Keeping the peace on and before the big day http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:30:27 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1365 Never teh Bride Fri, 17 Mar 2006 22:17:56 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1365 Way to take control, Danielle! Sometimes the only way to prevent a conflagration is to tell everyone in no uncertain terms that they better not start any fires! Way to take control, Danielle! Sometimes the only way to prevent a conflagration is to tell everyone in no uncertain terms that they better not start any fires!

]]> By: Danielle http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1364 Danielle Fri, 17 Mar 2006 21:44:28 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1364 I come from a blended family as well, in which my father has been married three times, my mom twice, and I'm close to my dad's second wife as well (and my half-sister.) To make matters more fun, my mother's family absolutely detests my father's family. I basically sat my parents down, separately, and told them that this was *my* wedding, not a chance for them to get back at each other, not a chance to let one exorcise control over the other in an effort to have the 'upper hand.' I clarified that this was a celebration, not a skirmish worthy of National Guard attendance. If they couldn't be civil to each other, and notify their respective family members to do the same, they would be asked to either not attend, or should a scene arise, they would be publicly asked to leave (I did that one because they both hate any sort of public attention.) The wedding went quite well. We sat the groom's family in the middle of the ballroom to act as a sort of 'buffer' between the two sides of family. I'm divorced now, but getting remarried in a month (or so.) We've decided to skip the formalities and get married at the Botanical Gardens in our area, just the two of us (and a photographer.) Of course, we are still wearing formal attire.... We may be having a tiny ceremony, but we're definitely doing it in style. I come from a blended family as well, in which my father has been married three times, my mom twice, and I’m close to my dad’s second wife as well (and my half-sister.) To make matters more fun, my mother’s family absolutely detests my father’s family.

I basically sat my parents down, separately, and told them that this was *my* wedding, not a chance for them to get back at each other, not a chance to let one exorcise control over the other in an effort to have the ‘upper hand.’ I clarified that this was a celebration, not a skirmish worthy of National Guard attendance. If they couldn’t be civil to each other, and notify their respective family members to do the same, they would be asked to either not attend, or should a scene arise, they would be publicly asked to leave (I did that one because they both hate any sort of public attention.)

The wedding went quite well. We sat the groom’s family in the middle of the ballroom to act as a sort of ‘buffer’ between the two sides of family. I’m divorced now, but getting remarried in a month (or so.)

We’ve decided to skip the formalities and get married at the Botanical Gardens in our area, just the two of us (and a photographer.) Of course, we are still wearing formal attire…. We may be having a tiny ceremony, but we’re definitely doing it in style.

]]> By: Twistie http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1361 Twistie Fri, 17 Mar 2006 20:16:24 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1361 Boy does this make me glad my beloved comes from a VERY small family! There was only his mother and my father and brothers to worry about upsetting, and all of them were pretty mellow. (ducks rocks launched by those with more complicated family situations) This reminds me, though, of when my brother got married. His wife's parents had divorced nastily some years before. Her father kept making demands, and they made several large decisions based around placating him. Of course, the big day came and her father didn't bother to show up...and her mother wore a white lace dress. She also glared in all the formal family portraits. Sheesh! My MIL? Just wanted to be told when and where to show up and where to put the home made sushi when she got there. And unlike my beloved's previous wedding, his mother didn't come dressed in black in protest. That was all I cared about! Once I saw she was wearing blue, I knew everything was okay with her, and that was okay with me. Boy does this make me glad my beloved comes from a VERY small family! There was only his mother and my father and brothers to worry about upsetting, and all of them were pretty mellow. (ducks rocks launched by those with more complicated family situations)

This reminds me, though, of when my brother got married. His wife’s parents had divorced nastily some years before. Her father kept making demands, and they made several large decisions based around placating him. Of course, the big day came and her father didn’t bother to show up…and her mother wore a white lace dress. She also glared in all the formal family portraits. Sheesh!

My MIL? Just wanted to be told when and where to show up and where to put the home made sushi when she got there. And unlike my beloved’s previous wedding, his mother didn’t come dressed in black in protest. That was all I cared about! Once I saw she was wearing blue, I knew everything was okay with her, and that was okay with me.

]]> By: Bria http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1359 Bria Fri, 17 Mar 2006 19:17:49 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/03/17/blended-families-keeping-the-peace-on-and-before-the-big-day/#comment-1359 My chest gets tight just thinking about this aspect of my wedding. Sigh. My chest gets tight just thinking about this aspect of my wedding. Sigh.

]]>