Manolo for the Brides

It’s a tradition for the bride and groomto exchange gifts on or before their wedding day. The goal of such gifts is typically to present one’s future husband or wife with a memento of their wedding day.

Most grooms opt for something like a diamond heart pendant or a spa gift basket.

But one mystery groom-to-be from Minneapolis, Minnesota is putting the power of determining the scope of his gift in the hands of the Internet populace. He recently launched The Groom’s Gift, a site he hopes will allow him to raise one million dollars through ad revenue and associate shopping links. He has his own GoogleGroom search, as well as links to software and other stuff people might like.

But will it make him one million dollars? I’m skeptical. I mean, I’d love it if The Beard proposed and then thought up some crazy scheme to get me a million bucks. But the Mystery Groom is scheduled to be married in roughly three months and has only made a scant $43. He may need to start eyeing the jewelry department.

For those who don’t know, March 8 is International Women’s Day. Sure, it’s just another one of those manufactured commemorative days. Someone’s probably wearing a ribbon for it somewhere or slapping a magnetic sticker on their car. And today will no doubt pass largely unnoticed by most folks. But I’d like to encourage everyone to at least give it a passing thought or check out the web site.

As I see it, until every woman everywhere has the freedom to marry who she wants or not to marry at all, until no woman is forced to bear a child against her will or to be forcefully married to someone who bought or raped her, until things like honor killings, sexual assault, and harassment are a thing of the past, and until what’s in your pants or under your shirt becomes less important than what is in your head and in your heart, we could all use a nice gentle reminder that these issues are still out there.

If nothing else, give the ladies in your life some props today. Call your grandma. Hug your mom. Tell your daughter that she can be anything she wants to be. They’ll thank you for it.

It’s common for folks to tell brides-to-be that the photos of the big day are the one thing no new couple should skimp on. I love photos - I have entire folders stuffed with pictures of The Beard, my cats, my friends, my family - so I’m inclined to agree. I recognize, of course, that not everyone is as photo crazy as I am. I know folks that have been married for years and have all but lost their wedding albums. But most people fall squarely in the middle where photos are concerned and thus most people scheduled to tie the knot are going to be considering booking a photographer.

When it comes right down to it, there are basically four choices: 1) Hire a pro. 2) Hire an amateur. 3) Coerce a friend into doing it. 4) Leave it up to the guests, either by seeding the wedding with disposable cameras or hinting that you’d love copies of everyone’s pictures.

Options three and four are easy and cheap, but will likely get you the poorest results. Option one is the most expensive, ranging from between $1,000 to $6,000, with an average package costing roughly $2,500. Ouch! As far as option two is concerned, it’s risky, but going with an experienced photography student can save big bucks.

Brides- and grooms-to-be should start thinking about photography about 10 to 12 months before their wedding date. Pro photogs can get booked months in advance and if you can afford someone with a reputation, you don’t want to miss out because you dragged your feet. If you don’t know where to start, ask a your wedding planner, your DJ, or your recently married friends to suggest someone. Consider your budget and how important photos really are to you. Also consider what you want. Some couples would feel empty without an album while others are satisfied with a disk of electronic prints. Finally, ask yourself where you can save some dough and try one of these money-saving suggestions:

Limit the number of hours the photog is actually working. Have him or her photograph the ceremony and take commemorative pics of the wedding party. Then send him or her home. Do you really need pictures of Aunt Edna doing the Macarena?

Examine the relative merits of buying a small package, a large package, or no package at all. If you’re going to want extra copies of everything, you may save by buying a larger package. If you’re only looking for a simple set of photos to frame (and no additional prints), a small package might be right for you. If you’re a do-it-yourself kind of gal or guy, you might want to create your own album or even a storybook like this:

Forget prints altogether and ask for a CD of digital photos rather than prints. Frankly, a photo printer is going to cost you a heck of a lot less than a photo package. Then you print what you want and scrapbook with something like the Memory Makers Wedding Idea Book: Scrapbooking Ideas, Tips and Techniques.

Forget the extras. Remember that any time you put the word ‘wedding’ in front of something, it doubles or even triples the price. Your photographer may offer the option of framed prints and the frame he or she shows you may be beautiful, but the photos are what counts. You can buy your own frames for a whole lot less.

If you are set on having photos from the reception but don’t want to saddle your guests with disposable cameras, consider asking a few trusted friends to document the event using their own cameras. You’ll likely get a better variety of photos than you would with a pro photog, but without lots of down-the-shirt shots and pictures of people’s ankles.

You may not particularly want pictures of the back of your head, which is what you get at most ceremonies. If that’s the case and you also don’t care about documenting the reception, consider having your wedding party gather at the photography studio the evening before to get some pics. On site photography will likely be a lot cheaper.

Finally, if you happen to have a friend with photography skills, ask them whether they might consider taking your wedding photos in lieu of a more traditional gift. The worst they can say is no and, if they say yes, they will let you keep the negatives!

Coming soon: Questions to ask photographers before booking them
Image by photographer Kwanghoon Jhin

Reader A Student suggested I talk a bit about which of the many lovely and brilliant gowns at this year’s Oscars might make good wedding gowns. Looking over various photos of the event, it occurred to me that since shades of white are popular this year, quite a few of the gowns were already wedding ready. Of course, most were either strapless, sausage-casing tight, or low cut, so the aforementioned weddings would have to be of the less religious variety. Anyway, here is a selection of gowns that I think would easily fit right into a nuptial setting:

Jennifer Garner in Michael Kors

Reese Witherspoon in vintage Christian Dior

Nicole Kidman in strapless Balenciaga

Diane Krueger in an Elie Saab strapless gown

Now there was one more actress who brides-to-be might want to look toward for advice when choosing their gowns…except, in this instance, as a shining example of what not to do. Yes, it’s Givenchy. But I don’t care who designed it. Naomi Watts looks like she’s wearing what I’d end up with if I tried to sew my own gown. Ladies, let this be a warning to you:

As proof that life is often stranger than fiction, Twistie (aka Gileswench of I’d Like To Test That Theory, which may or may not be safe for work) shared a story about future in-laws that would make most brides-to-be run like hell. Here’s hoping the groom didn’t take after his crazy family!

A friend of mine married a terrific guy, but he came from a scary family. “Jean” and “Joel” were getting married in a redwood grove and his parents were worried about the dirt. Thus it was the poor groom that was dragged off the night before the wedding to - I kid you not - scrub the woods clean with Spik ‘n’ Span.

The father of the groom repeatedly told my friend that she didn’t need to wear anything special to the ceremony. Apparently wanting a wedding gown was somehow snooty. Luckily, my friend listened to her own conscience, her friends, and her mother, and ignored the advice of her soon-to-be father in law.

The kicker was how these people behaved at the reception. The instant the ceremony was over, “Joel’s” entire family changed out of their formal footwear and into running shoes. His father undid his shirt almost to navel level.

Then one of the groom’s brothers told a fifteen minute rendition of the moose turd pie joke as a toast to the happy couple. As the final insult, the mother of the groom presented a special gift at the reception: a whistle so her son could summon his bride at any time, day or night, to do his bidding. Ick!

Being that I was fairly young in the 1980s, I love to make fun of the decade as a whole. Come on, high waisted, tapered leg pants? Giant hair? The off-the-shoulder flashdance look? When it came to wedding wear, many brides wanted that Princess Di, Victorian look. The ivory satin and antique lace gown above is, as stated, actually from the 1890s, but could, with slight modifications have fit right into the 1980s.

Of course, such a gown can come with complications, as Phyllis points out in her wacky wedding story:

The scene: Mid 1980s…..it was a sweltering July day in Connecticut, and I was dragged to this wedding by a co-worker who needed a date. There was ZERO air-conditioning in the church and it was easily over 100 degrees - plus it was a gigantic Catholic wedding with a full Mass - a 60 minute ceremony, easy….

In those days the height of bridal fashion was the pseudo-Victorian gown with a very high neck, leg o’ mutton sleeves and so much beaded Alencon lace that brides resembled piers coated with barnacles. The headpiece fashion of the time was a sort of Flashdance headband-halo thing that resembled those cages that spinal injury patients wear. Plus Big Hair. This bride was all of that.

So she comes down the aisle amidst 300 people fanning themselves with the wedding programs. Then she strides up to the alter, takes her grooms hand - and faints dead away.

She (naturally) spent most of the reception pissed off.

The best part of reading someone else’s crazy story is thinking, Wow, I’m glad that wasn’t a wedding I was invited to. However, I’ve been to plenty of parties where the host and hostess did not adequately plan, leaving guests to order takeout or hit the local drive through. So I can almost, but not quite, sympathize with reader Karen’s former in laws. She wrote:

Having decided that there wouldn’t be enough food at our reception, my future in-laws produced a large bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken at the table. Yes, it was still in the bucket! Needless to say, the relationship did not last.

Trust family to be the ones to embarrass you most. Carol, of Go Knit Your Hat, shared a rather mean rehearsal dinner prank no doubt meant to amuse the guests and mortify the bride:

When a friend from high school got married in 1991, she had a very large rehearsal dinner at a pretty upscale catering hall. She invited close to a hundred people: in addition to family and the bridal party, she invited pretty much everyone who came to the wedding from out of town. After dinner, a round of toasts to the happy couple began. Guests were invited, nay, encouraged to step up and raise a glass of champagne and offer their own reminiscences or good wishes.

A guest — married to one of the bride’s best friends — rose, raised his glass, and after a quick preliminary word, said in all earnestness, “Now that John is making an honest woman of Mary, I will too. I think I should return this” — and he takes out a key –”the key to Mary’s apartment.” A chuckle, slightly more uneasy from the bride’s family than from the drunken college crowd, passes across the room. The guest walks up to the bride’s table and drops the key in front of her. It makes a loud plunking sound.

The guest turns to face the crowd again and says, “Now I know I’m not the only one here with something to confess. Let’s go, gentlemen; let’s make a truly honest woman out of Mary.” A moment of silence, and then nearly every man in the room stands up, walks over to the bride’s table, and drops his own key. Plunk, plunk, plunk. Thirty or forty keys, plunking one at a time. Half the guests are now laughing and half are squirming.

The move that brought the house down was when the father of the groom — a very gruff and distinguished grey-haired gentleman — slowly got up, walked around to the bride’s seat, and dropped the last key in front of her.

Plunk!