Look out Angelina! The World’s Greatest Bride is in town and on the market. Or, at least she was until bidding ended without any of the potential buyers meeting the reserve price. Someone on EBAY recently tried to auction off “a full-size mannequin with a lifelong commitment” wearing a $2,000 wedding gown. More than just a dress auction – the bride was included!
Now I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume the owner of the World’s Greatest Bride is a man. Perhaps a good and honest man, but certainly a weird man. Who needs a full-size mannequin in a $2,000 wedding gown? Why would someone spend that much on a gown for a mannequin? According to the ad:
The dress was purchased for the mannequin and has never been left at the alter. She has performed her duties in our bridal section and is now ready for a new companion.
Is that some sort of euphemism? And, more importantly, what did they need it (her?) for? Let me share a few ideas:
- The mannequin appears to be interred in a florist’s shop. Perhaps her dead-eyed, open-mouthed stare was intended to frighten future brides into buying larger, more elaborate bouquets.
- Someone needed a mannequin in a wedding gown for a photo shoot – perhaps the florist. A truly bizarre photo shoot. Mannequins are no doubt easier to manage than models.
- Someone wanted to use the HOV lane with impunity. And what cop is going to pull over a pair of newlyweds going a couple of miles over the speed limit? No doubt the officer would assume they are just eager to get to their hotel!
You decide: Possible perversion or harmless fun. I’m partial to option three, having watched the cars in the HOV lane whizzing by while stuck in traffic too many times to count. Maybe I’ll put in a bid next go around. Really. I’m just itching to know what the reserve price was.