Manolo for the Brides

I’m not a huge fan of the whole chocolate with baby blue fad. It’s…interesting, but I’ve never once been able to pull it off. But my point is moot because this beautiful floor length duchess satin bridesmaid dress from Thread Bridesmaids comes in twenty-one other color combinations – most of which are much more pleasing to my eye. It can be had in a range of sizes, beginning at 0 and ending at 22. Being busty, I’m always a little wary of the low crossover v-necks, but my inhibitions vanish when I know I can order up and alter down. Finding a bra to go underneath would be a challenge, though. Sigh…

Like many men, Ken York is a real guy. Just look at that cigar. And like many guys, he doesn’t want to have to wade through loads of frilly, frou frou stuff about flowers and lace and support undergarments in order to determine what he needs to know to make his daughter’s wedding beautiful. But he also doesn’t want to be told to sit back and hand over his wallet, either.

“I am about to spend more money on my daughter’s wedding than I did buying my first house and first new car combined and 90 percent of the advice I’ve found for fathers of the bride is to be supportive and write checks,” said York.

So he started a blog which he plans to parlay into an e-book.

The concept behind the blog is to chronicle the experiences that Ken York is going through while helping to plan and pay for his daughter’s wedding in October 2006. “As I go through this process people are opening up to me telling about their positive and negative experiences,” said York. “I intend to both post this information along with my research on the blog and in an E-book that I am writing.”

Good for Ken, I say. I like to see dads getting in on the act in a way that isn’t reflective of Mr. Banks from Father of the Bride. If Ken decides to temporarily postpone the penning of his e-book–which, with all the wedding hullabaloo, he might–he should consider consulting The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being the Father of the Bride.

UPDATE: Ken has, in fact, read The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being the Father of the Bride and found that it *didn’t* speak to a man’s sensibilities. His goal is to create a guide that translates the womanly language of weddings into man-speak. I’m no guy (obviously) but I am looking forward to seeing what Ken has to say.

When I think of the love I want in my life, I think of two songs: Morning Song and Painters by Jewel from the album Pieces of You. Two passages come to mind.

From Morning Song: It’s you that I adore, for you I’ll be a poor man’s wife.

From Painters: They painted every, passion every home, created every beautiful child. In the winter they were weavers of warmth, in summer they were carpenters of love. They thought blue prints were too sad so they made them yellow.

Kind of sappy, I know. But I’m a sap for everlasting love. I like hearing about happily married old folks celebrating golden anniversaries. I like hearing about young couples beating the odds. I like it when my friends get married, especially when they get married to each other. So what does this have to do with tungsten? Tungsten carbide–a metal alloy ten times harder than 18K gold–is a relative newcomer on the wedding band scene, but one that apparently will “last as long as your commitment to each other.”

What that means is that your tungsten carbine wedding bands, once polished and sized, will never lose its finish and will furthermore never pick up unsightly scratches, dents, or pits. The thought of never having to have one’s wedding band replaced is an intriguing one.

Tungsten carbide’s sole folly is the same as its most appealing trait. Namely, its everlastingness. In the event of an emergency, hospital and ambulance workers may not know how to remove a tungsten carbide ring stuck on a finger. Tungsten-Jewelry.com provides tungsten wearers with this advice:

Rings made of extremely hard materials, like tungsten carbide or ceramic, can only be removed by cracking them into pieces with standard vice grip–style locking pliers. Standard ring cutters will not work. Place vice grip–style locking pliers over ring and adjust the jaws to clamp lightly. Release and adjust tightener one-third turn and then clamp again. Repeat until a crack is heard, and then continue clamping in different positions until the hard material breaks away.

The ever foot conscious Manolo made a wonderful point in his recent Washington Post column about the attractiveness and comfort of the professional dance shoe. I’ll admit that that I am not as graceful as I’d like to be when wearing high heels. I have wide, rather oddly shaped feet (thanks, dad!) and thus tend to teeter and totter in the most expensive and well made pumps.

Put me in a pair of dance heels, however, and I’ll shimmy circles around you. I do have eleven years of dancing under my belt, but there is more to it than that. Think about it. Dancers need a pair of heels that ensure stability. They need heels that look dainty and graceful yet cushion the feet as they pound and twist on hardwood floors. And they need heels that come in a wide range of colors and dye-friendly materials to match those flashy costumes.

Because the style range is somewhat limited, dance shoes are not for everyone. But if you’re a little unsteady in heels like me but still want to traverse the nuptial aisle in them, consider a white stage or character heel, or a ballroom dance shoe such as the Amanda by Glide. After hours on your feet, you’ll thank me.

I’m thinking about marriage rather than weddings today. Of course, the two are highly intertwined and both are rocked by large and small-scale controversy. Did you hear about the Massachusetts man suing his son’s bride and her family because she is “too ugly?”

Dr. Pandey of Belchertown (hee!) said in his lawsuit that after they had flown to India to meet the bride, his wife, son, and daughter were “shocked” to discover the Indian woman was “ugly with dark complexion and protruded bad teeth and couldn’t speak English to carry on conversation.”

While that isn’t exactly a nice attitude for people to have toward marriage, it does take all kinds. For example, if you’re not keen on a traditional western wedding, you could try Nikah urfi, handfasting, a digital wedding, or a modern-day Fleet wedding (seen below).

When it comes to marriage, there are also some interesting options that go beyond your one-on-one love marriages and your arranged marriages. There is covenant marriage, sororate marriage, levirate marriage, morganatic marriage, common-law marriage, circle marriage, open marriage, and serial marriage. Whew!

Personally, I’m still partial to the ever-popular monogamous marriage, but I’m not about to deny two or more consenting adults (humans, that is–dolphin and snake lovers can step aside) their chances at happiness. According to Truth-Or-Fiction.com, the odds they’ll stick together are better than I thought.

Though many brides are allowing their bridesmaids to choose their own dresses, uniformity still rules in the world of bridal attendants. So I decided to do my part to help brides everywhere choose a dress style that is universally flattering. To that end, I had a look at what dress designers believe is flattering to all.

Aria Bridesmaids says, ” The A-line dresses are more universally flattering for a variety of body types.” I must heartily concur.

Thread Bridesmaid and Simply Chic sing the praises of “the universally flattering Empire waist.” Ooh. Let me disagree here. As a busty gal, I can say without question that empire waists make generously endowed ladies look preggers.

CyberGown calls “the universally flattering halter neck” one of this season’s top trends. Alrighty. But the gown to which this text refers looks like first-stage stripper garb.

Jane Wilson-Marquis states that the bridesmaid dress below has a “universally flattering design” which “features a high waist and almost straight skirt.”

I love that fabric–it’s my favorite!–but am not sure I agree that the cut would flatter everyone. What about those of us who would rather cover our arms? Or those with bums they’d rather camouflage?

Ladies? Would you call this dress (which is available in 90 colors of gorgeous shimmering silk dupioni) universally flattering?

Though many proclaim that wedding photographers aren’t true artists in the vein of photogs who concentrate on carefully composed portraits, I disagree. Capturing a still subject is fairly easy. It’s far more difficult to turn something as chaotic as a wedding into a visually stunning piece of art. Forget the usual pictures of Aunt Edna doing the Chicken Dance and the maid of honor passed out on the dessert table that do little more than tickle the funny bone. Photographer Caroline Yang takes wedding photos that touch the heart.

Have a look at Yang’s black-and-white and color galleries - they are full of gorgeous images of the accoutrements and actors that come together to make happily wedded bliss a reality. Of course, her client list is corporate, so I don’t know which of the weddings she has shot were stage and which were real. But I don’t care. I’m just happy to have spent a lovely few minutes basking in the glow of matrimony Yang captures so wonderfully.

Unless you are committed to using 100% recycled paper or that crazy paper made out of elephant poo, weddings require the sacrifice of many, many trees. There are the invitations and the various bits of paper that cushion the invitations, the save-the-date cards, the reply cards, the little notecards one sees at receptions, table numbers, seating cards, and thank you cards. And some brides and grooms also (ta da) print wedding programs.

What is a wedding program? Simply a play by play of the nuptials. They introduce the participants in the wedding, indicate the form the ceremony will take and the order in which its various elements will occur, and let guests know the title of any songs played during the whole shebang. See a sample here and here.

What does can one include in one’s program? EHow suggests you include : full name of bride, full name of groom, name of officiant, date, time, place, introduction, order of ceremony, words to hymns or songs, titles and composers of musical selections, names of performers (singers, musicians, readers, etc.), and names of the wedding party. Add an expression of gratitude to your ceremony participants, reception hosts and helpers, and family or friends who performed special services.

Some choose to use the program as a vehicle to thank guests, to share favorite quotes about marriage, and to recognize deceased or absent loved ones. If you’re having a religious ceremony that includes elements your non-religious guests may be unfamiliar with, a wedding program is a handy way to indicate that certain rituals will take place. It can also include an explanation of cultural traditions that guests of other cultures may find unusual.

Because, unlike wedding invitations (which stay home), most wedding programs will spend the duration of the ceremony groped by sweaty hands, laying on the floor under chairs or pews, or squished in tiny purses, they make a great DIY project. Companies like Westport Style and Cranes & Co sell beautiful printable program kits.

In the past few days, I have found myself gaping wordlessly at multiple matrimonial begging sites. When did it become acceptable to ask complete strangers to pitch in for your dream wedding? And when did living within your means become gauche?

Peter Dolanjski and Milissa Majic (both students) of Wedding On A Penny want to collect two million pennies from advertisers and other friendly folk to pay for a $20,000 nuptial bash. Perhaps someone should tell them that it is entirely possible to have a fabulous fete for much less?

Wayne and Lynn of The Hopeful Honeymooners hope others will finance the honeymoon of their dreams, which will take them first to South America and then to South Africa. I might have kicked them a couple of bucks (just because I love travel) but those Photoshopped images on their site were just too damn creepy.

And who can forget The Groom’s Gift guy? Since I first mentioned him in March, his gift has grown from $43 to $73.

The idea is not new, of course. Michael Palmer and Kristi Laurita created the now defunct www.weddingbills.com. Someone named Cynthia created www.payforcynthiaswedding.com in an effort to raise $25,000. And CyberBeg and DonateMoney2Me remain as active as ever.

Sure, it’s fun to imagine your ultimate wedding, honeymoon, or gift. But I think it’s far better to buy a book like Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and to be fabulous in your own way on your special day. No matter how you slice it or how cutesy you attempt to make it look, panhandling (when you are able-bodied and fairly well-to-do) remains totally tacky.

UPDATE: A number of folks have mentioned that the people who have created the abovementioned sites are not panhandling but using savvy marketing tactics. That may be so, but it still does not change the fact that it is tacky. Creative? Sure. Classy? No.