Though many brides are allowing their bridesmaids to choose their own dresses, uniformity still rules in the world of bridal attendants. So I decided to do my part to help brides everywhere choose a dress style that is universally flattering. To that end, I had a look at what dress designers believe is flattering to all.

Aria Bridesmaids says, ” The A-line dresses are more universally flattering for a variety of body types.” I must heartily concur.

Thread Bridesmaid and Simply Chic sing the praises of “the universally flattering Empire waist.” Ooh. Let me disagree here. As a busty gal, I can say without question that empire waists make generously endowed ladies look preggers.

CyberGown calls “the universally flattering halter neck” one of this season’s top trends. Alrighty. But the gown to which this text refers looks like first-stage stripper garb.

Jane Wilson-Marquis states that the bridesmaid dress below has a “universally flattering design” which “features a high waist and almost straight skirt.”

I love that fabric–it’s my favorite!–but am not sure I agree that the cut would flatter everyone. What about those of us who would rather cover our arms? Or those with bums they’d rather camouflage?

Ladies? Would you call this dress (which is available in 90 colors of gorgeous shimmering silk dupioni) universally flattering?

Though many proclaim that wedding photographers aren’t true artists in the vein of photogs who concentrate on carefully composed portraits, I disagree. Capturing a still subject is fairly easy. It’s far more difficult to turn something as chaotic as a wedding into a visually stunning piece of art. Forget the usual pictures of Aunt Edna doing the Chicken Dance and the maid of honor passed out on the dessert table that do little more than tickle the funny bone. Photographer Caroline Yang takes wedding photos that touch the heart.

Have a look at Yang’s black-and-white and color galleries – they are full of gorgeous images of the accoutrements and actors that come together to make happily wedded bliss a reality. Of course, her client list is corporate, so I don’t know which of the weddings she has shot were stage and which were real. But I don’t care. I’m just happy to have spent a lovely few minutes basking in the glow of matrimony Yang captures so wonderfully.

Unless you are committed to using 100% recycled paper or that crazy paper made out of elephant poo, weddings require the sacrifice of many, many trees. There are the invitations and the various bits of paper that cushion the invitations, the save-the-date cards, the reply cards, the little notecards one sees at receptions, table numbers, seating cards, and thank you cards. And some brides and grooms also (ta da) print wedding programs.

What is a wedding program? Simply a play by play of the nuptials. They introduce the participants in the wedding, indicate the form the ceremony will take and the order in which its various elements will occur, and let guests know the title of any songs played during the whole shebang. See a sample here and here.

What does can one include in one’s program? EHow suggests you include : full name of bride, full name of groom, name of officiant, date, time, place, introduction, order of ceremony, words to hymns or songs, titles and composers of musical selections, names of performers (singers, musicians, readers, etc.), and names of the wedding party. Add an expression of gratitude to your ceremony participants, reception hosts and helpers, and family or friends who performed special services.

Some choose to use the program as a vehicle to thank guests, to share favorite quotes about marriage, and to recognize deceased or absent loved ones. If you’re having a religious ceremony that includes elements your non-religious guests may be unfamiliar with, a wedding program is a handy way to indicate that certain rituals will take place. It can also include an explanation of cultural traditions that guests of other cultures may find unusual.

Because, unlike wedding invitations (which stay home), most wedding programs will spend the duration of the ceremony groped by sweaty hands, laying on the floor under chairs or pews, or squished in tiny purses, they make a great DIY project. Companies like Westport Style and Cranes & Co sell beautiful printable program kits.

In the past few days, I have found myself gaping wordlessly at multiple matrimonial begging sites. When did it become acceptable to ask complete strangers to pitch in for your dream wedding? And when did living within your means become gauche?

Peter Dolanjski and Milissa Majic (both students) of Wedding On A Penny want to collect two million pennies from advertisers and other friendly folk to pay for a $20,000 nuptial bash. Perhaps someone should tell them that it is entirely possible to have a fabulous fete for much less?

Wayne and Lynn of The Hopeful Honeymooners hope others will finance the honeymoon of their dreams, which will take them first to South America and then to South Africa. I might have kicked them a couple of bucks (just because I love travel) but those Photoshopped images on their site were just too damn creepy.

And who can forget The Groom’s Gift guy? Since I first mentioned him in March, his gift has grown from $43 to $73.

The idea is not new, of course. Michael Palmer and Kristi Laurita created the now defunct www.weddingbills.com. Someone named Cynthia created www.payforcynthiaswedding.com in an effort to raise $25,000. And CyberBeg and DonateMoney2Me remain as active as ever.

Sure, it’s fun to imagine your ultimate wedding, honeymoon, or gift. But I think it’s far better to buy a book like Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style and to be fabulous in your own way on your special day. No matter how you slice it or how cutesy you attempt to make it look, panhandling (when you are able-bodied and fairly well-to-do) remains totally tacky.

UPDATE: A number of folks have mentioned that the people who have created the abovementioned sites are not panhandling but using savvy marketing tactics. That may be so, but it still does not change the fact that it is tacky. Creative? Sure. Classy? No.

Let me start off by saying that I love most Allure Couture gowns. They have some real stunners in tulle and crystal and silk. But that doesn’t mean I have to stifle my giggles when looking at this little number. The aptly named Valentine (for I believe the top looks a bit like the peek-a-boo lingerie men mistakenly buy for women around V-Day) features a hand beaded bust with a silk midriff and tulle skirt. And, hey, I like the skirt. I like everything up to and around the diamond shaped hole in between the model’s boobs.

The little mermaid is calling, Allure Couture. She wants her wedding gown back.

How does one procure a $5,000 gown for $500? By being the strongest, the fastest, and the most agile bride on the block. When brides-to-be are training like quarterbacks, it can only mean one thing: Filene’s Basement’s annual “Running of the Brides” sale. On July 14, hopeful future brides in Towson, Maryland are going to push, punch, and kick their way to the gowns of their dreams. The Running of the Brides event will come to Chicago, D.C., and Boston later in the summer.

Frankly, the whole thing scares the hell out of me. According to the Filene’s web site, once the crowd gathered outside the store is let loose, “it takes less than 60 seconds for the racks to be stripped bare. Shoppers grab as many gowns as they can carry, drag them off to a corner, strip down to their underwear, and start trying on dresses.”

Now, I can’t imagine how those gowns stay clean, much less intact, but the Running of the Brides event is quite famous, so Filene’s must be doing something right. A Google search for images reveals hordes of crazed women streaming into Filene’s, ripping gowns of racks, bodily staking their claims on piles of gowns, and being helped into gowns by dazed looking dudes.

To help hopeful brides find that perfect gown, Filene’s has published a guide to the Running of the Brides sale that shares a handful of tips and tricks like:

Pick a team — people whose taste you trust and are willing to get in there and do shopping battle for you. Hold a pre-sale meeting with your team. Come up with a team uniform — matching hats, t-shirts, headbands, carry whistles — anything that would make it easier to find each other in the crowd. Assign jobs to team members — someone to gather, someone to trade, someone to help you in and out of the dresses, someone to guard your inventory from prowlers.

Be nice — with all the excitement, shoppers have been known to get a little territorial and competitive. As our security manager once said to a TV reporter, “you don’t want to be walking down the aisle knowing you had to punch somebody out to get the dress.”

Be decisive — it’s only a one-day sale and gowns are not returnable.

Now, I can understand the desire that compels women to seek out designer duds at rock bottom prices. But aren’t weddings stressful enough without brides-to-be having to resort to berserker tactics to find gowns? Sure, it’s not really as crazy as I’ve made it out to be—but it can still get pretty crazy!

This is the kind of dress I desperately wish I could wear well. I’m fairly certain that only five percent of women throughout the world would look good in it. It’s the kind of wedding dress that can stop traffic. The kind of dress that would make any ex-boyfriends attending the wedding want to drink poison.

Oh, you want details? Sorry, I was too busy slobbering and imagining myself walking down the aisle in that dress to the tune of David Rose’s ‘The Stripper.’ The dress is part of Paula Varsalona’s fall V Collection for 2006. Judging by the price tags on the other Varsalona dresses I’ve seen, it’s probably pretty pricey.

But who cares! I love it! Check out the back:

Can you say, “Rawr”? I know you can!