A pre-nuptial meet-and-greet
By Never teh Bride
The lovely Ladysun posed an interesting question a few days ago. She wrote,
What’s the deal with this whole engagement par-tay thing? My fiancé and I have to go to one in August and I totally don’t even know what engagement parties are all about, let alone what I should do or bring.
Well, traditionally, the engagement party allowed newly engaged couples to announced their pending nuptials to their family and close friends. It also served as a forum where future in-laws could size each other up meet each other for the first time. It was usually hosted by the bride’s family in their home and guests were not expected to bring gifts.
The good news is that these days, guests are still not expected to bring gifts. However, because social etiquette is a lot looser these days (at least in the U.S.), an invitation to an engagement party can imply almost anything. It may be in the engaged couple’s home, at a parent’s home, in a restaurant, at a skating rink, on the beach, or at an amusement park!
Manners demand that those invited to the engagement party also be invited to the wedding, though if the wedding will be a small, family-only affair, it’s alright to break this rule. While engagement parties are typically small affairs limited to loved ones, some people turn theirs into the party of the century. And more power to them, I say. If you’re throwing one, Wedding Occasions: 101 New Party Themes for Wedding Showers, Rehearsal Dinners, Engagement Parties, and More can help you personalize your party.
While guests are under no obligation to bring a gift, they may still choose to do so. In this case, the happy couple should refrain from opening their presents until after the party is over. A conscientious guest will call the person hosting the engagement party to ask what he or she can bring as engagement parties are frequently pot-luck. Remember, you can’t go wrong with a bottle of something nice and a heartfelt congratulatory toast.
EDIT: julie has correctly pointed out that the etiquette rules surrounding engagement parties can differ from region to region and culture to culture. When in doubt, call your host!
Image by DMM Photography
August 3rd, 2006 at 11:47 am
i don’t think what you wrote about is necessarily (or maybe not universally) true. i’ve been to several engagement parties, and if you did NOT bring a gift, everyone looked at you oddly. moreover, i’ve only been to engagement parties at banquet halls and restaurants. so it really must depend on either the culture, the geographic region or the couple and their families. most of the gifts are generally money b/c the bridal registries are rarely created prior to the engagement party.
August 3rd, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Too true, julie - I summarized your comments above. Personally, I think the gift-giving culture surrounding weddings has become ridiculous. Many people feel they need to give an engagement gift, a shower gift, a bachelorette party gift, AND a wedding gift. And if someone else feels differently, they are bound to get the stink eye from more than a few folks.
August 3rd, 2006 at 1:26 pm
I suppose it would never occur to someone who gives grief to a non-gift-bearing engagement party-goer that it’s totally not their place to do so. Seriously, who goes to a party in someone *else’s* honor and decides they are in a position to pass judgment on whether other guests have lived up to the same gift-giving standards? Rude people.
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:01 pm
I’m right with you there, Bria!
August 7th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
holy crap.
“Manners demand that those invited to the engagement party also be invited to the wedding, though if the wedding will be a small, family-only affair, it’s alright to break this rule. ”
We had a massive engagement party so we didn’t have to invite all our acquaintences(sp?) to the wedding.
And that’s interesting take regarding the gifts, we got heaps of gifts, which I actually found extremely weird because although I have no qualms about taking a gift when I’m a guest, to be recieveing them simply for getting engaged felt very bizarre. They are our friends and family and all we wanted was for them to celebrate our excitement with us. So for them to give us presents just felt so wrong.