Comments on: The date debate http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:59:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: M http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9669 M Fri, 06 Oct 2006 06:19:08 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9669 I know I am jumping in sooo late, but I have to say something! I completely support the bride's decision not to invite these two people to her wedding. This is NOT just a party and she is NOT just a host. Instead, her wedding day is an intimate, emotional ceremony at which she and her groom will begin their lives together. why on earth would you want total strangers to attend such an intimate event? Guests should ONLY be people whom the bride and groom know personally. End of story. I know I am jumping in sooo late, but I have to say something!

I completely support the bride’s decision not to invite these two people to her wedding. This is NOT just a party and she is NOT just a host. Instead, her wedding day is an intimate, emotional ceremony at which she and her groom will begin their lives together. why on earth would you want total strangers to attend such an intimate event? Guests should ONLY be people whom the bride and groom know personally. End of story.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9437 Never teh Bride Fri, 29 Sep 2006 20:25:57 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9437 The thing is, is it worse to say “oh I didn’t invite Bobby because I didn’t know him,” than to say “I wish we could forget bobby ever existed but he is imortalized in our wedding photos”?

Great point, la petite chou chou!

]]> By: la petite chou chou http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9424 la petite chou chou Fri, 29 Sep 2006 06:36:44 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9424 Julia makes a lot of sense. The bride has to weigh the consequences of both choices and see which causes the least trouble for her. Personally, were I attending my sister's wedding and had only been seeing a guy for a month, I probably wouldn't even think of taking him. Or, if it were my wedding, and knowing my sister, I also wouldn't want her bringing her boyfriend. The thing is, is it worse to say "oh I didn't invite Bobby because I didn't know him," than to say "I wish we could forget bobby ever existed but he is imortalized in our wedding photos"? Julia makes a lot of sense.

The bride has to weigh the consequences of both choices and see which causes the least trouble for her.

Personally, were I attending my sister’s wedding and had only been seeing a guy for a month, I probably wouldn’t even think of taking him. Or, if it were my wedding, and knowing my sister, I also wouldn’t want her bringing her boyfriend. The thing is, is it worse to say “oh I didn’t invite Bobby because I didn’t know him,” than to say “I wish we could forget bobby ever existed but he is imortalized in our wedding photos”?

]]> By: Dataceptionist http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9398 Dataceptionist Thu, 28 Sep 2006 06:55:58 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9398 Well I think one of the worst case scenarios can also end up being "oh she got to bring Billy, why couldn't I bring Ralph?" and "If she gets to bring someone I should get to bring someone too!" and suddenly you made the exception for two people and there are 10 more that expect the same treatment. When you have a situation like that it can end up feeling like you're going to pay for 12 people you don't know, not 2. And I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to meet people at your own wedding. Whilst there should be consideration of those guests being comfortable, I agree with NtB, and sometimes those family members can end up baby-sitting their respective partners because they have no one else to talk to, which impedes the guest. I have invited my sister's Bf even though I don't really know him, but as she is a bridesmaid I was adamant with her that if she wanted him to come she would not spend all evening sitting in his lap or consoling him. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Well I think one of the worst case scenarios can also end up being “oh she got to bring Billy, why couldn’t I bring Ralph?” and “If she gets to bring someone I should get to bring someone too!” and suddenly you made the exception for two people and there are 10 more that expect the same treatment. When you have a situation like that it can end up feeling like you’re going to pay for 12 people you don’t know, not 2. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to meet people at your own wedding.
Whilst there should be consideration of those guests being comfortable, I agree with NtB, and sometimes those family members can end up baby-sitting their respective partners because they have no one else to talk to, which impedes the guest.
I have invited my sister’s Bf even though I don’t really know him, but as she is a bridesmaid I was adamant with her that if she wanted him to come she would not spend all evening sitting in his lap or consoling him. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

]]> By: Julia http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9394 Julia Thu, 28 Sep 2006 03:36:07 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9394 My parents raised me to always consider the "regret function"--i.e., how sorry will you be if the worst case scenario pans out? In this case, if the bride refuses to invite the boyfriends, but both relationships turn out to be lasting ones, she might be facing a lifetime of reproachful "Remember when you refused to invite Bobby to your wedding? God, that was so hurtful!" comments. The worst case scenario if she DOES invite them, however, seems like it would be that she'd end up having to pay for two extra dinners and do some shuffling of her plans. It's not a perfect situation, but it might be the lesser of two evils. My parents raised me to always consider the “regret function”–i.e., how sorry will you be if the worst case scenario pans out? In this case, if the bride refuses to invite the boyfriends, but both relationships turn out to be lasting ones, she might be facing a lifetime of reproachful “Remember when you refused to invite Bobby to your wedding? God, that was so hurtful!” comments. The worst case scenario if she DOES invite them, however, seems like it would be that she’d end up having to pay for two extra dinners and do some shuffling of her plans. It’s not a perfect situation, but it might be the lesser of two evils.

]]> By: MNT http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9384 MNT Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:48:16 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9384 To put in my 2 cents -- I think the bride here needs to take a step back and think about whether having 2 extra people at the wedding will really be such a problem for her. Is it really worth upsetting close family members? It will undoubtedly cost a bit more money, but allowing family turmoil to fester unnecessarily is emotionally expensive. As for her given reason for wanting a pre-wedding meeting -- that a reception is not a good time to meet and greet -- I have to say it seems a bit weird to me. Is she going to judge whether they are good enough to get an invite? And who cares if she doesn't get to know the dates at the reception? Just make sure the basic hellos are said, and that's all that matters! Plus, this idea that the day is OURS and we should only have the exact people we want at the wedding flies in the face of something that marriage will undoubtably teach her -- family harmony requires COMPROMISE! To put in my 2 cents — I think the bride here needs to take a step back and think about whether having 2 extra people at the wedding will really be such a problem for her. Is it really worth upsetting close family members? It will undoubtedly cost a bit more money, but allowing family turmoil to fester unnecessarily is emotionally expensive.

As for her given reason for wanting a pre-wedding meeting — that a reception is not a good time to meet and greet — I have to say it seems a bit weird to me. Is she going to judge whether they are good enough to get an invite? And who cares if she doesn’t get to know the dates at the reception? Just make sure the basic hellos are said, and that’s all that matters! Plus, this idea that the day is OURS and we should only have the exact people we want at the wedding flies in the face of something that marriage will undoubtably teach her — family harmony requires COMPROMISE!

]]> By: Rsue http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9383 Rsue Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:39:00 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9383 Never teh Bride, I partially agree with you, yes, allowing people to bring dates can be costly but at the same time they are family and she should make 2 exceptions, but of course its her day and ultimately her decision. Never teh Bride, I partially agree with you, yes, allowing people to bring dates can be costly but at the same time they are family and she should make 2 exceptions, but of course its her day and ultimately her decision.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9382 Never teh Bride Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:13:27 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9382 Rsue, don't forget that allowing people to bring dates can up the cost of weddings - a concern for those footing the bill themselves. And a sister and close aunt won't exactly be without people to socialize with at the event (unlike single people who might not know anyone else). Rsue, don’t forget that allowing people to bring dates can up the cost of weddings – a concern for those footing the bill themselves. And a sister and close aunt won’t exactly be without people to socialize with at the event (unlike single people who might not know anyone else).

]]> By: Rsue http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9381 Rsue Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:50:50 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9381 I fully agree with k, what is the big deal about letting her sister and aunt bring a date. Why wouldn't she want her aunt and sister to feel comfortable and have a good time, after all weddings are suppose to be one big party to celebrate something very special. It sounds like a case of bridezilla to me. I fully agree with k, what is the big deal about letting her sister and aunt bring a date. Why wouldn’t she want her aunt and sister to feel comfortable and have a good time, after all weddings are suppose to be one big party to celebrate something very special. It sounds like a case of bridezilla to me.

]]> By: Mcmiller http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/comment-page-1/#comment-9367 Mcmiller Wed, 27 Sep 2006 12:18:56 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2006/09/26/the-date-debate/#comment-9367 In the month before a wedding, its hard to find time to spend with your own fiancee, much less other people you haven't met yet. As previously stated, this family really does quiz new boyfriends and it really would be a problem for him and the bride. The point of making it into a rule is that the family is too rude to take a simple no for an answer. Yes, they were nice enough to ask but they really weren't expecting a no and that is pretty rude. She could have made the rule that anyone who starts dating after they receive the invitation can't decide retroactively to bring a guest - seriously, if you just started dating a few months before the wedding that is completely different than long term non-married partnerships. In the month before a wedding, its hard to find time to spend with your own fiancee, much less other people you haven’t met yet. As previously stated, this family really does quiz new boyfriends and it really would be a problem for him and the bride. The point of making it into a rule is that the family is too rude to take a simple no for an answer. Yes, they were nice enough to ask but they really weren’t expecting a no and that is pretty rude.

She could have made the rule that anyone who starts dating after they receive the invitation can’t decide retroactively to bring a guest – seriously, if you just started dating a few months before the wedding that is completely different than long term non-married partnerships.

]]>