Manolo for the Brides

I’m a big fan of favors that are food. While many guests will leave mini picture frames, potpourri sachets, and engraved key rings lingering on the table, few will pass up a chance to snap up cookies or individual packets of gourmet tea. Even those people who don’t like the favors themselves may have kids or grandkids who will appreciate an edible memento.

Of course, there is no rule saying that edible nuptial table treats have to be shaped like little brides and grooms or wedding bells. Crazy and colorful Meiji Chorus Bubble Gum can add a touch of Japanese whimsy to your matrimonial fete. So can Pocky - and since Pocky boxes come in a variety of colors, you can easily choose a variety that matches your wedding theme. Personally, I like the caramel variety. Not sure what your guests will be brave enough to eat? Impress them with your knowledge and weird Japanese candies AND give them a choice by outfitting each of your reception tables with a sample of items of from the Taste of Japan party pack from Pier Mall. Guests who don’t like gummies can swap with guests who don’t like gum.

Your guests may forget the name of the groom or the cut of his coat, but I can guarantee they won’t forget your favors.

When my father was married for the third time, I was lucky enough to be chosen as a bridesmaid. That was back in nineteen-eighty-something and I must have been about nine years old. If the same wedding were happening today, I would have been dubbed a ‘junior bridesmaid.’ Usually I think such age-related designations are silly, but for young ladies too old to be flower girls and too young to plan bachelorette parties, it makes sense.

How involved young bridesmaids are in the wedding planning process is up to them, their parents, and the bride- and groom-to-be. Exceptionally mature junior bridesmaids may feel comfortable taking on many of the roles undertaken by adult bridesmaids. Others may enjoy having some task to perform on the day of the wedding. In my father’s wedding, for example, I lit the alter candles just before the ceremony began.

Now, in my stint as an itty-bitty bridesmaid, I wore a scratchy electric blue dress my grandma made. No offense to grandma, but I would have rather worn this lovely kiwi junior bridesmaid gown by Jim Hjelm. What can I say? Even as a little girl, I loved the finer things in life.

You hear a lot about post-wedding gown care, but what about pre-wedding gown care? Let’s say you order the fabulous Saison Blanche Couture gown above. The expected shipping date is four months from now but it arrives four weeks after the date of purchase. How do you keep it clean and stunning without going nuts?

FabricLink suggests that all brides “obtain information, if possible in writing, concerning the proper care of the fabric, as well as all of the trims and embellishments attached to the dress…Be sure to look for the care label in all wedding gowns purchased in the United States. Apparel manufacturers are required by the US Federal Trade Commission to attach a care label in all garments, which provides a viable care method for cleaning all component parts of the garment, including trims.”

When you receive your dress, keep the garment bag it came with if it’s a good fit and allows your dress to breathe. There is no guarantee that you’ll find another bag that is large enough to accommodate your gown. Unfold the gown on a flat, clean space if it was shipped to you. Take a moment to inspect your gown, inside and out, before putting it away. Are there loose beads or threads? You’ll want to make a note of everything you suspect is amiss to take to your seamstress.

Don’t worry about the wrinkles - they’ll be pressed out later. If you decide to hang your gown up, be sure you use those little ribbony things (loops, I believe they are called) so you don’t stretch your straps. However you choose to store your dress, however, be sure that it’s kept away from direct light sources, which can cause fading in the fabric and the embellishments, and anything at all that might get it dirty.

And finally, under no circumstances should you ever use garbage bags or similar bags to store something as precious as a wedding gown. A good friend of mine learned that the hard way, unfortunately. Put your gown in something like this, this, or this.

Put off by the expense of a sixteen-piece orchestra? Hate the way those goofy DJs push the Chicken Dance like it’s crack? Don’t feel like listening to live covers of lame 70s love songs? In other words, are you stymied as to how to handle the reception music question?

Doug Gordon, author of The Engaged Groom: You’re Getting Married. Read this Book., suggests busting out the iPod. And I agree with him. Many people, in considering their nuptial tunage, forget that they have 10,000 songs on their hard drives - none of which are the Electric Slide or Saturday Night Fever.

Why not create your own perfect playlist and hook your handheld digital listening devices to some tricked out speakers? Likewise, a laptop equipped with iTunes or what-have-you can get the rump shakin’ started. Even a boombox like the Sony ZSSN10PS (which plays MP3s and other audio formats) can inspire your guests to bust a move.

FACT: When you take charge of your own music - or have a good friend oversee the aural stimulation - you never ever ever have to worry about inappropriate songs (I Will Survive, anyone?), sexed-out mustachioed crooners, or the dreaded conga line.

Now, if it were only this easy to decide on a song list…

Dear wedding gown designers and manufacturers,

We are not all perfect size two’s. Nor is every woman a Marilyn Monroe-esque size twelve (and pushing the top of your size spectrum). No, it’s time for you needle pushers and thread pullers to realize that brides come in ALL dimensions.

I understand that you ardently believe that the best way to showcase your clothing is by selling it only to skinny-minnies. But are you equally aware that there are scores of ladies who don’t fit your paradigm who want to wear something shapely and sexy during their nuptial celebrations?

Love,
N.t.B.

That sealed and stamped, who else here hates the fact that a lot of bridal lines only go up to a size sixteen? Not to mention that a size sixteen in wedding wear is more like a size twelve in street clothes. What’s up with that? Where did these people get the idea that plus sized brides don’t care about looking fabulous? Because that’s seriously not true. Duh.

So, what’s a big beautiful bride to do? Wear whatever makes her feel gorgeous, of course. But if you are looking for some advice, consider rocking an A-line gown in a medium-weight fabric like silk shantung or satin, which will create a smooth silhouette. A basque waist can lengthen the body and low neckline can accentuate a full bust. Checkout PlusSizeBridal for ideas. They’re selection of gowns (like the matte satin number with metallic embroidery, intricate beading, and cathedral length train above) will knock your socks off.

A good rule of thumb is: Never piss off the people who have the power to make or break your wedding. And that rule of thumb should always be paired with this powerful piece of wisdom: Get it in writing. The reason these bromides go hand in hand is that vendors deal with a lot of clients, and it’s easy to confuse smoked turkey with smoked salmon, or daisies with dahlias.

If you’ve covered your butt with a well-drawn vendor contract, you don’t have to risk the ire of caterers, photographers, bakers, or florists who assume you’re just prone to changing your mind when you politely remind them that yours is a 200-person wedding on May 19, not a 60-person wedding on June 19.

Many brides- and grooms-to-be have never seen a contract up close in their lives, however. I remember reading through my first-ever work contract and being stymied by the legalese. Later, I learned that a lot of the jive talk is incidental in contracts. What is more important is that certain elements are mentioned in the contract. These include:

• The company name, address, and phone number of the vendor
• The name of the person (or people) who will actually be performing the service
• The full names of the bride and groom
• The date, time, and location of both the wedding and reception, as well as the set-up time and break-down time
• The price, including taxes and gratuities, with both packages, individual items, and additional fees listed
• The amount of the total price that can be refunded in case of cancellation
• The payment schedule and payment policies
• And the precise services or products being provided should be specified, in as much detail as possible, including those items that are deliverable after the wedding (e.g. photos)

No doubt everyone knows by know that reading the fine print is obligatory. Many brides- and grooms-to-be don’t, however, know to pay all deposits with a credit card in case of a breech of contract. It’s way easier to alert your credit card of a fraudulent claim than to track down a bad vendor that’s gone AWOL. You can see a sample contract here, courtesy of The Dream Maker wedding planners. For more specific information regarding individual contracts, check out WeddingChannel’s comprehensive list of ‘what to include’s.’

And remember, when dealing with wedding vendors, courtesy and respect are always in style.

The always fab Dataceptionist sent me a fabulous joke this morning and being that I am absolutely fascinated by the way divorced family units interact (coming from one myself), I just have to share it:

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. “Absolutely not”. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, “Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, “Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”

Her mother just smiled and replied, “Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.

ZING! I sure hope that crafty mama really sparkled on her daughter’s wedding day, don’t you? She couldn’t go wrong with the sophisticated sage Cachet dress with beaded jacket above.

It’s time to touch on a topic that’s, well, touchy. In the western/Christian tradition, it’s the father of the bride who has the honor of walking his little girl down the aisle. And goodness forbid anyone suggest anyone do anything different. Tempers can flare. Feelings are hurt.

But the truth of the matter is that many ‘little girls’ are actually grown, liberated women who don’t feel like being “given away.” Some blushing brides were raised by mothers, or feel closer to stepdads, grandparents, siblings, or other relatives than they do to their fathers. Others don’t necessarily want to participate in what they see as an inappropriate patriarchal tradition.

Like most things in life, however, there is more than one way to walk down the aisle.

In Jewish weddings, the bride (or kallah) is escorted down the aisle by both her parents and the groom (or chatan) is escorted by his parents. Personally, I think that’s super cool. To stave off fatherly resentment if you suggest this option, just gush about the beauty of the tradition.

There is no hard and fast rule stating that a bride must be accompanied down the aisle or given away. Consider strutting your stuff solo if you have a surplus of close relatives and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by leaving them out. If you suggest this option, be sure all the people closest to you are seated up front and are given a bit of something special (like a corsage or boutonniere) to wear.

Bio parents and step parents can all get into the act when you go halvsies with them. You may be able to avoid offending or excluding anyone by dividing the nuptial aisle into segments. Mom can walk you halfway and then dad can walk you the rest of the way. Or you can go with any combination of folks and number of segments, really. Of course, your loved ones can still cause a ruckus by protesting their places in the walking order.

Finally, brides may want to meet their grooms (who are presumably poised and ready) halfway down the aisle. This option is becoming more and more popular, especially now that plenty of couples are hosting their own weddings. I like it because it is symbolic of the bride and groom beginning their lives together. YMMV.

Remember, folks, when it comes right down to it, it’s your wedding and you should do what will make you happy. Your loved ones will understand your aisle walking preference, provided you explain it to them kindly. Or you could buy them each a copy of A Walk Down the Aisle: Notes on a Modern Wedding, which outlines wedding customs of many eras and cultures and “slyly educates readers about the traditions that many Americans continually embrace without fully understanding.”

Okay. Glad that’s over with. Now that we all know how to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings during the ceremony, maybe it’s time to consider reception seating. Oy!

Love DIY but want someone to help you with the work? Can’t center a page to save your life? Fear that you and your fiance will ruin two hundred expensive handmade invitations by trying to print them yourself? Gartner Studios claims to have the answer. With more than seventy different uPrint invitation kits (including handmade, embossed, and floral papers), not to mention DIY favor tags and place cards, brides- and grooms-to-be are sure to find something they like.

Now, personally, the idea of printing my own invitations for anything scares the heck out of me. When the text doesn’t line up on my printer paper, I get *this close* to having a heart attack. But I had a bit of a look around Gartner Studio’s web site (and their uPrint studio area) and found out that for almost every product they sell, they include a Word file template that corresponds to each element of the invitations, from response cards to reception cards. That means no worrying about lining up text, fitting it to the page, or costly mishaps.

This is good news for clutzy, easily-frustrated people like myself! In fact, their commercial really hits a little too close to home:

P.S. - Word on the street is that Madonna put her £170,000 tiara she wore while wedding Guy Ritchie up for auction on EBAY. The proceeds from the auction, which ended on September 1, would have gone to benefit victims of Hurricane Katrina. Unfortunately, no one bid the requisite $225,000.