A friend of mine who is getting married in the near future graciously asked her future SIL to be in her bridal party. The future SIL gushed that she was honored, as you would expect. Then the two had a conversation that went something like this.

FSIL: But what about my tattoos?

Friend: I’m not following you. What about them?

FSIL: Well, some people are uncomfortable with them appearing in the wedding photos. Or up in front of the alter.

Friend: There won’t be an alter. We’re getting married outside.

FSIL: Not the point. I want to know if you would prefer that I wear long sleeves.

I guess my friend is more gracious than she thought, because, she told me, she never even considered asking her fiance’s sister to cover her tats. Big, colorful, full-arm tattoos, to be exact.

But other brides-to-be may feel that tattoos shouldn’t be in full view during nuptials. And that is their prerogative, as it is these future wives that have the privilege of dictating what their attendants will wear. Unfortunately, the world of wedding wear is currently going through a phase in which strapless dresses reign supreme. So finding a dress with wrist-length sleeves means doing a little (virtual) legwork. How do I know this? Because I’ve been searching for like an hour now.

Anyway, here is what I came up with:

This combo, from Jordan Fashions, is comprised of a beaded chiffon princess line gown with a V-neckline and a matching chiffon bolero jacket. I’m not particularly enamored with it, but at least it’s got coverage.

Everything else I found had teensy-weensy jackets with sheer half sleeves. Now, admittedly, I didn’t look *that* hard, but come on…where are the sleeves? Why do brides and bridesmaids have to freeze their shoulders off in the wintertime? Or deal with the embarrassment of baring arms they aren’t exactly proud of?

Why, why, why, why, why?

A fabulous individual whom I will simply address as the future Mrs. Anonymous recently wrote to ask:

What is the proper procedure for dealing with people who fail to respond to a wedding invitation?

The invites started going out August 15th; the responses were due in by September 20th; we’ve got nine days to go, and we still have people who have given no indication of having received an invite, much less decided whether or not they’re coming. The laggards include: one of my mother’s cousins; a co-worker of mine who should not have failed to miss my asking for her home address via email; an ex-co-worker whose wedding I was unable to attend, but for whom I sent a gift; a pair of old college friends (my cellist was best person at their wedding); and a number of my fiancé’s relatives. I am not counting in that group the friend who I had to bug three times just to get his address, then failed to respond to the invite, then finally (after I specifically asked) said, “I’m sorry, I’m checking flights now” on Sunday via email and has not contacted me since.

I’m not nearly as annoyed with the people who have at least responded to my bugging via email. But — ARRRRRGH. We have to give the final count to the caterer next week. With all the things I’ve got going on — dress yesterday, flowers tomorrow, hair Sunday, and did I mention that I’m a full-time graduate student AND working? (And that, unless I have misinterpreted my co-worker’s email, work is not happy about my taking a total of six days off for the wedding — three before, three after?) — I do not need to be chasing people down and saying, “Chicken? Salmon? Veggie? TELL ME!”

Anyway. There is an actual question buried somewhere in this rant. I suspect that the best etiquette handling, when speaking to people who were slack on the response front, is to smile sweetly and say, “It was lovely! We missed you! You must have been busy,” or something to that effect. But if Emily Post or any of her descendents has specific instructions for Dealing With People Who Don’t Even Bother to Acknowledge That You Wanted Their Presence During Your Special Day Et Cetera, I would love for you to bring it to the blogreaders’ attention.

Well, first off, Mrs. Anon, let me just say that I sympathize. I know a lot of couples going through this right now, wondering how they can politely explain to those people who believe that RSVP stands for RESPOND SOMETIME I’ll wait VERY PATIENTLY that they included response cards in their wedding invitations for a reason. And after hosting scores of parties during which people either showed up without accepting my invitation or failed to attend without declining, I am convinced that the practice of RSVPing is going down the toilet.

So the short answer to your question is, the proper procedure for dealing with people who fail to respond to wedding (or any other) invitations is to draw and quarter them. Just kidding – that’s just in my dreams.

Two rudes don’t make a right, so I’m afraid brides- and grooms-to-be getting hassled by caterers who need final counts cannot vent their frustrations by sending angry missives to those who are remiss in their guestly duties.

Unfortunately, whether you are busy or not, the best tactic is the proactive one. It’s a lot harder for those still holding on to their response cards to ignore the ringing of a telephone than it is for them to overlook your e-mails. Call them directly and ask sweetly whether they plan to attend. Those no-shows who manage to evade your tendrils of telephonic communication should be addressed politely and coolly in the future. Should they choose to explain themselves, it is then up to you to decide whether or not to offer forgiveness.

As for what to do about the needs of your caterer, if you can afford it, give yourself a little leeway and add a few more plates to your final tally.

If you’d rather not drop the extra cash (and who would?), as a last resort, try sending those who have not yet RSVPed an e-mail or a voicemail stating how sorry you are they will not be attending and how much they will be missed. It may prompt (read: embarrass) them into action.

And since you asked, I had to look up Miss Manners’ take on this (sorry Emily Post). In her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, she suggest that if she were in your shoes, she would “hang on to the list of people who needed prodding” because it can serve as “an invaluable reminder, for the next party, of whom not to invite.” ZING!

As the Manolo would say, “Ayyyyy!” The ever lovely Style Graduate send me a link to the Crocs (::shudder::) wedding testimonial page where a number of obviously insane couples have gushed about how they forced their entire wedding parties to wear this aforementioned rubber nightmare of a shoe.

Eberle & Neal Funches did the unthinkable:

We outfitted our entire wedding party in Crocs. We had such a great time and everyone was so comfortable. Guys in black Metro, girls in red beach’s, flower girls and bride in white beach’s.

April Masiero made her own Crocs:

I have about ten different colors and my family wears them as well. For my wedding, I wanted to wear white Crocs but everyone thought I was silly. So, I decided to surprise everyone and make my own Crocs, decorate them so they looked beautiful, I also had to make them taller because I am 4′ 11″ and my husband is 5’2″. So, I created a two inch height to my crocs using styrofoam and cork from the craft store, I painted them and then glued lace and flowers onto them. Everyone was amazed.

Katy Heidt and her husband forced Crocs on her unsuspecting wedding party:

This summer my fiance and I were married in South Lake Tahoe, CA and our groomsmen and flower girls all wore Crocs in the ceremony. It was a great mix of classic wedding attire with a casual outdoor atmosphere and most importantly, comfortable Crocs that looked absolutely fabulous (and no one complained of sore feet!).

PLEASE, PEOPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND GOOD, STEER CLEAR OF THE CROCS! ESPECIALLY CROCS WITH SOCKS!

Here is the deal. I have a HUGE migraine and my Imitrex is not working. And when I’m in pain and there is little I can do about it, I like to drown my pain-ridden brain in beauty. Since October’s birthstone is the iridescent opal, I’ve passed the time today perusing jewelry featuring this most unusual stone.

The name opal is most likely a derivative of the Sanskrit word upala, the Greek opallios, and the Latin opalus, all of which just mean ‘precious stone.’ I’m glad the name stuck, considering it might otherwise just be called ‘hydrated silica glass,’ which is a far less pretty moniker.

Here is some educational mumbo-jumbo about opals from wikipedia:

Australia produces around 97% of the world’s opal. 90% is called ‘light opal’ or white and crystal opal. White makes up 60% and all the opal fields produce white opal; Crystal opal or pure hydrated silica makes up 30%; 8% is black and only 2% is boulder opal.

The town of Coober Pedy in South Australia is a major source of opal. Common, water, jelly, and fire opal are found mostly in Mexico and Mesoamerica. Another Australian town, Lightning Ridge in New South Wales, is the main source of black opal, opal containing a predominantly dark background (dark-gray to blue-black displaying the play of color).

Boulder opal is found sporadically in western Queensland, from Kynuna in the north, to Yowah and Koroit in the south.

A source of white base opal in the United States is Spencer, Idaho. A high percentage of the opal found there occurs in thin layers. As a result, most of the production goes into the making of doublets and triplets.

Okay, enough of that. On to the opals!

This simple white gold opal ring would make a lovely engagement ring or even a wedding band, IMO.

Or, if white on white isn’t your thing, you could try a yellow gold and blue opal ring, which is a bit more striking.

But why limit yourself to finger candy?

A nice set of opal and white gold earrings can really compliment your wedding ensemble.

If you are designing your own wedding gown or just trying to create a mental image of the perfect gown, don’t miss A Designer’s Book of Bridal Gowns. My copy came in the mail this afternoon and so far it looks like a fantastic resource for go-getter gown shoppers.

Written by artist, fashion designer, and seamstress Debby Roosa, the book outlines a variety of dress styles as they relate to body types and formality levels. Additionally, it deconstructs the elements of a dress, giving examples of different sorts of sleeves, necklines, bodices, skirts, and so on. Brides-to-be can trace individual elements using tracing paper and then mix and match until they’ve found the style that suits them best! How cool is that?

I think I’m in love. Even though this Joan Gilbert creation makes the model bride look a bit like she’s wrapped in a shroud, there is just something about it that tickles me pink. The gauzy sleeves give a bit of coverage without being overbearing and the naked shoulders make the whole look sexier than it would have been with a more conservative neckline. It just…comes together somehow. Even the somewhat messy ultra long sleeves look refined rather than unkempt.

Of course, this is not some off-the-rack piece of taffeta. This is a dress made to your measure (in Paris or Italy, no less) and designed to compliment your most stunning features. A certain Pam, who I imagine was a Joan Gilbert client, gushed that Gilbert’s atelier produces “sensuous designs with the cut and feel of European couture [that] appear to be spun out of silk, organza, satin and a bit of magic.”

What more could a bride want?

EDIT: The wonderful Sherry correctly pointed out that Joan Gilbert owns the salon in which you can order this Le Spose di Gio creation! My apologies to all those confused by my error!

There is the monarchy you know and the monarchy you don’t know. I, for one, didn’t know jack about Prince Louis Xavier Marie Guillaume of Luxembourg until a news brief about his recent wedding reached my inbox this morning. Though the ceremony, held on September 29, was quite low key, hundreds of royalty-philes gathered at the church where Prince Louis wed his long-time sweetie, twenty-year-old Tessy Anthony Hansen. The pair apparently met while serving in the Luxembourg army during a mission to Kosovo in 2004.

Their bouncing baby boy, Gabriel, was in attendance at the wedding, wearing what some news outlets described as a “smart white coat.”

According to Prince Louis’ wikipedia entry, upon his marriage, Louis gave up his succession rights and those of Gabriel, and any of the couple’s future children, although Louis retains his title of Prince of Luxembourg and the style of Royal Highness while Tessy and Gabriel (and any of the couple’s future children) hold the surname de Nassau with no titles.

Bummer! Titles are cool!