They just can’t say no
By Never teh Bride
What if you could have any man you wanted, for the price of a plate of fish, marinated in red palm oil? On Orango Island, off the coast of Guinea-Bissau, women have traditionally had what you might call the ‘right of proposal’ and men were powerless to say no. Women approached the men, fed them the proposal fish dish, and then spent about four months building the house that they would eventually occupy.
While the rules of courtship are changing as more of the island’s young people spend time working on the mainland, plenty of folks still hold with tradition.
Here’s what one man had to say about the practice when interviewed by AP correspondents:
“Love comes first into the heart of the woman,” [Carvadju Jose Nananghe] explained. “Once it’s in the woman, only then can it jump into the man.”
He was 14 when the girl entered his grass-covered hut and placed a plate in front of him containing an ancient recipe.
Like all men on this African isle, he knew exactly what it meant. Refusing was not an option. His heart pounding, he lifted the steaming fish to his lips, agreeing in one bite to marry the girl.
“I had no feelings for her,” said Nananghe, now 65. “Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her.”
Refusing to eat the proffered fish dish once meant dishonoring one’s family. But now that Christianity has taken hold on Orango, many young women are refusing to take the initiative and some of the island elders are none too pleased with the results, which increasing rates of divorce.
“Now the world is upside-down,” complained 90-year-old Cesar Okrane, his eyes obscured the clouds of cataracts. “Men are running after women, instead of waiting for them to come to them.”
February 5th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
In a different vein, but still cultural, I’ve just finished reading a book called Shame by a woman called Jasvinder Sanghera. Not sure if you’ve heard of it but it’s one of the most amazing books I’ve read. It’s about an Indian woman raised in Derby UK and how she rejects the arranged marriage by her parents by running away at 15. He family disown her for the rest of her life (she’s now in her 40’s) and its an amazing true story.
Highly recommend
February 6th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Thanks for the recommendation! I’m always on the lookout for something new to read.
February 9th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Oh my. I read that sentence several times before I realized it was not meant the way I was reading it (which was roughly, “What if you could have any man you wanted marinated in red palm oil, and all it cost was a plate of fish?”
I blame lack of sleep.