Male and confused? Here’s a question that touches on the manly side of nuptial duties:
Dear Never teh Bride,
My dear boyfriend is going to be a groomsman at his friend’s wedding this summer. This is the first of his good friends to get married and the first wedding he’s been to since he was a kid, so he really has no idea what to expect at a wedding in general and what exactly his role is as a groomsman. There’s tons of stuff out there for proper etiquette for bridesmaids and maids of honour, but not so much for the groomsmen and best men. So what should he be doing to be a good groomsman? Oh, he’s also across the country right now (he’ll be in town about a week before the wedding), so there’s not much that he can do on a day-to-day basis.
Well, Sarah, your boyfriend is in luck, since so much of what groomsmen are traditionally responsible for takes place just before and on the day of the wedding. But your guy shouldn’t worry too much if geography prevents him from taking on as much responsibility as he’d like to. His friend chose him to be in the wedding party knowing that he was across the country, so it won’t come as too much of a surprise when he can’t make the big male-bonding trip to the tux shop.
If your boyfriend is at all worried about being unable to attend certain pre-wedding festivities (such as engagement parties, co-ed showers, bachelor/stag parties, and the like), he should address these concerns to the groom-to-be directly. That said, let’s have a gander at what he can (and should) do.
- First and foremost, he can support the groom! Your guy’s friend may need a listening ear between now and the wedding, and long distance is cheap.
- Plenty of tux and suit makers have web sites…so if menswear hasn’t been chosen yet, your guy can offer up suggestions in the form of urls.
- He can also get his measurements (and rental fees, if applicable) to the groom or the other groomsmen in a timely fashion. Doing things on time is one of the best gifts you can give a harried bride- and groom-to-be!
- Before the wedding, he can earn major points by helping the bride’s family and the groom’s family however possible. This may mean picking things up, hanging things up, or putting stuff on tables.
- Along with his fellow attendants, your guy can concoct devious post-wedding car decoration plans…this is recommended only if the bride and groom have a sense of humor, of course.
- And speaking of plans, he can help plan any pre-wedding festivities that will take place during the week before.
- When the big day rolls around, your boyfriend should help with the set-up and clean-up if there aren’t on-site employees handling these tasks.
- If he is an “usher” he may be charged with the task of helping people to their seats. Sometimes this means choosing their seats for them.
- He will likely then be seen as a font of information by those with questions — he can prepare himself for this by familiarizing himself with the ceremony and reception details, learning the order of reception events, and knowing where the bathrooms are.
- Your guy may also be tasked with helping the groom dress and relaxing him before the main event. He should remember this mantra: Funny anecdotes from childhood, good. Nips of whiskey, bad.
- During the reception, there may be an attendants dance, during which he should dance with the bridesmaid he escorted into the ceremony.
- And, finally, if his tux was a rental, he should return it on time.
I know what you’re thinking — men get off so dang easy when it comes to weddings. And yet there are still entire books written for groomsmen. I can’t imagine what they say, though I envision them as being filled with pictures of boobies and recipes for signature drinks containing Jaeger. If you’re as curious as I am, you could buy your man a copy of I Need To Do What?! A Wedding Guide for the Groom, Best Man, & Ushers.