Manolo for the Brides

Forget your heart. The good folks at No Prenup Clothing & Apparel suggest you wear your values on your sleeve. Or, more precisely on your head, on your belly, or even on your butt:

They call it “clothing that promotes unconditional love.” I call it clothing that may scare your future family members, just a little.

If you’re not a bride-to-be trying to tackle some serious trust issues using your clothing as a vehicle for change, perhaps you are a guest who is just so sick of chucking handfuls of crunchy dried petals at bored newlyweds. Then you, my friend, need to invest in ROSE PARTY SURPRISE. According to the retailer, Bim Bam Banana, ROSE PARTY SURPRISE is a “hot new effect,” whatever that means. So what is it really? It’s a freakin’ cannon that shoots rose petals as far as 10 meters, baby.

At these distances, it might be wise to give brides and grooms a running start.

Photographer John Kantor recently sent me an e-mail asking if I could tell him who designed the gown worn by the model in the new Cover Girl commercials. Unfortunately, I can’t — I don’t watch a lot of TV and have thus never seen the advert in question. Perhaps one of you astute readers could help him out?

Even if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I do suggest you go have a gander at John’s samples. He does wonderful things with light and perspective, and his photos have a rich depth you seldom see in your average wedding snapper’s sample book. If you’re looking for a photog in the Tampa Bay area (or elsewhere) I would definitely recommend him.

That said, the whole point of this plug was to direct you to a rather neat blog that John pointed out called Trash the Dress. It features fun (and stunning) pics of brides and grooms taking part in activities that aren’t exactly conducive to keeping a white dress white. The photo below was snapped by Sol Tamargo:

For some reason, thrashing about in seawater is a dominant theme…maybe because there is just something sexy about the ocean in general? Whatever the driving force behind photos like these, I am now sorely tempted to trash my dress. Did I mention that I’m getting married at my gram’s property on the Banana River in Merritt Island? That presents just so much dress trashing potential!

If you’re contemplating having your bridesmaids in different outfits, but are afraid your choice will look weird or funny, maybe these pretty pictures will change your mind.

Just be sure to follow some simple guidelines if you are looking for cohesiveness in your bridal party. Allowing each maid to choose her own dress in a specific fabric and color can ensure that everyone feels comfy in their duds, and hemlines should basically match.

In case you missed WE’s Platinum Weddings (like I did), I wanted to share some screen caps of what amounts to nuptial consumer frenzy. Not that there is anything wrong with spending money, mind you. As Sterlingspider — who passed the links on to me — noted in her blog, you can do wonderful things with a phat wad of cash. Unfortunately, some people have access to all the money in the world and still end up with tacky weddings. The first wedding I like…the second, eh, not so much.

Sharmeen and Zain enjoyed a three-day celebration that incorporated elements of traditional Eastern and Western weddings. To give you an idea of how this couple made use of their $500,000 budget, Sharmeen’s jewelry cost an estimated $45,000. Heck, the cake cost $10,000.

Is there such a thing as too over the top? Lana and Victor didn’t think so. Their $1.5 million wedding, held at the Four Seasons, featured a 12-course meal, endless vodka and caviar, dancers flown in from across the globe, and hundreds of gold and diamond pendant party favors made to look like Faberge eggs. The bride’s dress (which she designed) had a 40-foot train and cost over $200,000….but that didn’t stop her from changing her outfit seven times during the celebration. Zowie!

I hope this show will get on the re-run roster!

A reader who asked to be identified as CTR (for good reason) is desperate to know how she should deal with belligerent bridesmaids:

I selected my bridal party nine months ago and the wedding is coming up fast. My best friend will be my MOH and my fiancé’s sister will stand as my only other attendant. At eight months prior to my wedding, I sourced the bridesmaid dresses and told my BF and my future SIL that they could choose any dress made by the company, as long as they ordered something tea length in periwinkle silk. This should have been easy, as all of the dress styles offered can be ordered in that length and fabric. As of a month ago, my BF had not ordered a dress. When I asked why, she told me she didn’t like anything from the company I chose and that she wanted to order from a local seamstress. The rush order deadline from said company is coming up fast, so I told her to do what she had to do. She has since ordered a dress.

My future SIL, however, still has not ordered a dress even though, at this point, there is a good chance a rush order will be impossible. First she said that she wanted to gain some weight. Then she wanted to see what my BF was ordering. I don’t want to kick her out of my already tiny bridal party, but I do want her to dress the part of a bridesmaid. When Mr. CRT tried to stress how important this is to both of us, his sister blew up at him. I can’t understand why she waited this long to order her dress. If she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, she could have told me that months ago and I would have understood. If she was too busy, I would have understood that, too. Now I’m just plain hurt and very, very angry. Is there anything at all I can do to fix this?

The image of Bridezilla is one that has been burned into the cultural consciousness by TV shows and books about brides-to-be who alienate family, friends, and shopkeepers in the quest for the perfect wedding. We seldom hear about Bridesmaidzillas. They are the sisters, cousins, and girlfriends who just can’t be arsed to get involved…even when all that is asked of them is that they buy a dress and show up.

It happens more than you might think and not only to brides who make outrageous demands, like asking their maids to learn calligraphy so they can address 500 invitations or telling their MOH to organize multiple themed showers. There will, sadly, always be those poor, innocent brides-to-be who try to do their maids a favor and still get burned. To go with CTR’s example, giving your bridesmaids the freedom to pick a dress they like often means dealing with indecisive or overly picky people who take their time.

I’m glad to hear that one of CTR’s attendants ordered a dress and that it will more than likely get there in time for the wedding. But she isn’t out of the woods just yet. The fact that the second attendant is Mr. CRT’s sister makes the situation pretty dang complicated. I don’t know what sort of relationship they have, but it sounds like the sister either doesn’t care much about the wedding in general or just doesn’t want to be a part of it. If CTR is okay with standing at the altar with a shrunken bridal party, she should consider giving the sister an out by letting her know that she can step down if she tells her NOW. She may respond by taking CTR up on her offer…in which case, problem solved.

She may, however, become offended at the suggestion or even offended that CTR feels she’s been slacking. Which, as more than half a year has gone by, she obviously has. But people will react however people want to react to the perfectly valid concerns of others. If the sister does get offended, CTR shouldn’t apologize, as she has done nothing wrong. Heck, seeing that she was so kind as to allow her attendants to choose their own dresses, I’d say she did everything right.

If CTR’s future SIL still does want to be a part of the bridal party, I suggest that she give the slacking sister a very short deadline in which to fulfill her end of the deal, i.e. get a dress. If the sister doesn’t meet the deadline, she’s out. It won’t be pretty, but it will prevent any ugly day-of wedding mishaps.

In conclusion, CTR, don’t let your anger get the best of you, but don’t let anyone walk all over you, either.