Comments on: Where does the party end and the grubbin’ begin? http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Thu, 18 Mar 2010 05:30:39 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Crystal Unrau http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131868 Crystal Unrau Mon, 30 Jul 2007 20:21:15 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131868 We have a tradition where I live (and I have never seen it done anywhere else in Canada or world wide). It's called a wedding social and is completely seperate from the wedding/showers/engagements parties/stags etc. Basically, it is a huge party put on for the couple. Anyone can come - there is no guest list. A good social can have 400-500 people there and the bride/groom will probably only know half of them. People who want to attend pay $10 for a ticket and then there is a cash bar (though still cheaper then drinks at the local bar) and live music or a dj for dancing. Basically, it's like going to the bar for a party or to a graduation prom but the proceeds are given to the engaged couple. Here, they are a tradition and considered a great way to help a new couple get set up. Of course, we have socials for other things as well: we had one when my sister and her fiance moved away, for my aunt/uncles 25th anniversary to help them have a second honeymoon, or just for fun at halloween and valentines. BUT - asking someone to pay to attend a shower or other wedding event AND bring a gift as well? RUDE!!!! In fact, even expecting a gift is rude enough (unless it is a shower, where arriving without a gift is considered rude). We have a tradition where I live (and I have never seen it done anywhere else in Canada or world wide). It’s called a wedding social and is completely seperate from the wedding/showers/engagements parties/stags etc.

Basically, it is a huge party put on for the couple. Anyone can come – there is no guest list. A good social can have 400-500 people there and the bride/groom will probably only know half of them. People who want to attend pay $10 for a ticket and then there is a cash bar (though still cheaper then drinks at the local bar) and live music or a dj for dancing. Basically, it’s like going to the bar for a party or to a graduation prom but the proceeds are given to the engaged couple. Here, they are a tradition and considered a great way to help a new couple get set up. Of course, we have socials for other things as well: we had one when my sister and her fiance moved away, for my aunt/uncles 25th anniversary to help them have a second honeymoon, or just for fun at halloween and valentines.

BUT – asking someone to pay to attend a shower or other wedding event AND bring a gift as well? RUDE!!!! In fact, even expecting a gift is rude enough (unless it is a shower, where arriving without a gift is considered rude).

]]> By: class-factotum http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131466 class-factotum Fri, 27 Jul 2007 22:09:12 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131466 My cousin specifically did not invite our other 21 cousins to her wedding because she knew they wouldn't be able to come because of distance and expense and because she didn't want them to think she was just hitting them up for a wedding present. (I was invited because I live in the same city she does.) My cousin specifically did not invite our other 21 cousins to her wedding because she knew they wouldn’t be able to come because of distance and expense and because she didn’t want them to think she was just hitting them up for a wedding present.

(I was invited because I live in the same city she does.)

]]> By: Manolo's Shoe Blog: Shoes, Fashion, Celebrity, and Manolo! http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131448 Manolo's Shoe Blog: Shoes, Fashion, Celebrity, and Manolo! Fri, 27 Jul 2007 18:06:30 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131448 [...] Never teh Bride… So, let me get this straight. I’m to bring a present to the shower and then send a gift on ahead before the wedding, and I’m supposed to “subsidize the honeymoon?” [...] [...] Never teh Bride… So, let me get this straight. I’m to bring a present to the shower and then send a gift on ahead before the wedding, and I’m supposed to “subsidize the honeymoon?” [...]

]]> By: HamiHarri http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131285 HamiHarri Thu, 26 Jul 2007 05:29:30 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131285 te he he...it is pretty common where I went to high school - I've heard of friends raking in 5-6k! It is tempting, but my fiance and I opted, it is CLEARLY a money grab...but it pains me to think of the killer upgrades we could afford on our honeymoon...LOL te he he…it is pretty common where I went to high school – I’ve heard of friends raking in 5-6k! It is tempting, but my fiance and I opted, it is CLEARLY a money grab…but it pains me to think of the killer upgrades we could afford on our honeymoon…LOL

]]> By: Melissa http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131234 Melissa Wed, 25 Jul 2007 19:58:30 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131234 I've never heard of anything like this! If the bride and groom need money that badly, they could forgo the wedding and simply get married at city hall. Just an idea. I’ve never heard of anything like this! If the bride and groom need money that badly, they could forgo the wedding and simply get married at city hall. Just an idea.

]]> By: Twistie http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131224 Twistie Wed, 25 Jul 2007 18:41:17 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131224 If you want to see more wedding excesses - including more on Jack and Jill horrors - go check out etiquettehell.com. They have some terrifying stories of real couples who spent their weddings trying to make a profit rather than start their lives together with any semblence of dignity. You know, I had a shower. It was nice. My matron of honor threw it for me out of the goodness of her heart. It was held in her living room. About fifteen or so of my closest female friends came and brought me nice little gifts like hand towels, wooden spoons, and kitchen gadgets (we're talking can openers and chip clips, not cuisinarts and stand mixers!) and we all ate some nice snacks provided by the hostess and cooked by her own fair hands, had some pleasant conversation, and shared a cup of tea. I'd have died of embarrassment if anyone had suggested a hall or selling tickets, let alone awarding people prizes and then stealing them back! I hate any attempt to squeeze money out of wedding guests. This monstrosity really seems to have gone beyond out of control. If you want to see more wedding excesses – including more on Jack and Jill horrors – go check out etiquettehell.com. They have some terrifying stories of real couples who spent their weddings trying to make a profit rather than start their lives together with any semblence of dignity.

You know, I had a shower. It was nice. My matron of honor threw it for me out of the goodness of her heart. It was held in her living room. About fifteen or so of my closest female friends came and brought me nice little gifts like hand towels, wooden spoons, and kitchen gadgets (we’re talking can openers and chip clips, not cuisinarts and stand mixers!) and we all ate some nice snacks provided by the hostess and cooked by her own fair hands, had some pleasant conversation, and shared a cup of tea. I’d have died of embarrassment if anyone had suggested a hall or selling tickets, let alone awarding people prizes and then stealing them back!

I hate any attempt to squeeze money out of wedding guests. This monstrosity really seems to have gone beyond out of control.

]]> By: Toni http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131221 Toni Wed, 25 Jul 2007 18:03:25 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131221 I made the mistake of following your link about the shower cash grabs, and while I agree on that point, I just can't get my head around some of her other missives. For example, "<i>Women who choose not to take their husband's surname after marriage are not sexually attracted to them, and will likely be the one to initiate divorce. When a woman feels metaphysically submissive to a man, when she admires all the masculine qualities he exhibits and deems him worthy of submitting to, sexually speaking, she will gladly become "his" and take his name. This is the essence of femininity.</i>" Eep. (For the record, I changed my name, but I almost want to change it back after reading that.) I made the mistake of following your link about the shower cash grabs, and while I agree on that point, I just can’t get my head around some of her other missives. For example,

“Women who choose not to take their husband’s surname after marriage are not sexually attracted to them, and will likely be the one to initiate divorce.

When a woman feels metaphysically submissive to a man, when she admires all the masculine qualities he exhibits and deems him worthy of submitting to, sexually speaking, she will gladly become “his” and take his name. This is the essence of femininity.”

Eep. (For the record, I changed my name, but I almost want to change it back after reading that.)

]]> By: Bridey http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131218 Bridey Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:47:15 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131218 Yikes! Why does the concept of "living within one's means" so often fly out the window when it's time to get married? Yikes! Why does the concept of “living within one’s means” so often fly out the window when it’s time to get married?

]]> By: tto http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131210 tto Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:07:37 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131210 i soooo agree with you. getting married should have no other agenda than to celebrate the union of the couple. period. i soooo agree with you. getting married should have no other agenda than to celebrate the union of the couple. period.

]]> By: Wendy http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/comment-page-1/#comment-131207 Wendy Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:40:07 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/25/where-does-the-party-end-and-the-grubbin-begin/#comment-131207 Ugh, that whole idea is just disgusting to me. I'm sure everyone wishes they had more money to throw a bigger wedding or to go on a nicer honeymoon, but to ask for it (and expect it) from your guests just seems wrong. Surely there are plenty of less offensive ways to make and save money besides wringing it out of other people's wallets. Get a temporary part-time job, make coffee at home instead of buying it, cut down on eating dinner out, etc. Ugh, that whole idea is just disgusting to me. I’m sure everyone wishes they had more money to throw a bigger wedding or to go on a nicer honeymoon, but to ask for it (and expect it) from your guests just seems wrong. Surely there are plenty of less offensive ways to make and save money besides wringing it out of other people’s wallets. Get a temporary part-time job, make coffee at home instead of buying it, cut down on eating dinner out, etc.

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