All I can say is what NtB said — if this is the only thing wrong with your relationship, you’re doing pretty well. I’ve kind of learned to accept that my fiance is a practical homebody who doesn’t want to blow a lot of money on a dinner out when we can make something nice at home, light a few candles, and split a bottle of wine without worrying about who’s the designated driver. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, he just doesn’t show it by taking me to restaurants, and I’m willing to live with that. (This year I’m skipping right to the part where I splurge on a really special wine to go with our home-cooked anniversary meal.) But if you feel “unworthy” or undervalued in your relationship a lot of the time, and not just because of the ring, it might be time for a serious heart-to-heart with your husband about how you’re feeling, because you should never feel that way in your marriage.

I was just suggesting that if it is a ring that will make you happy, buy yourself a ring and be happy. If what’s bothering you goes deeper than a ring, then even receiving one might not make you as happy as you think it will.

I respect your right to be sad or disappointed that your husband did not and won’t for whatever reason buy you a diamond, but if he’s otherwise a great guy and your ringlessness is making you feel, as you said above, “completely depressed and unworthy” ask yourself if there may not be something else going on there. Those are really strong feelings, after all.

Whatever happens, I hope you feel better!

ringless: I say you go buy your own diamond ring as a present to yourself for your patience

It’s a huge oblong miner’s cut amethyst that my husband found in the loose gems cabinet of a pawn shop (he knew that I love amethyst.) Every so often, we’d pull it out and discuss what sort of setting I wanted for it, and he’d sketch possibilities.

Then his mother gave me an antique pearl ring in the most fascinating setting, and we took both the pearl ring and the amethyst to a jewelers and asked him to design a setting for the amethyst based on the pearl one. He spent several weeks making models and tweaking the design, then, when we were all three satisfied, he cast it in 10K gold (since I am not easy on rings, anything softer would probably be too soft to stand up to wear, and since the set was huge, the price of the gold was a factor, too.)

The loose stone cost about $40. The finished ring cost about $400. And I have a ring that I know I will never see on another person, that I know my darling put a lot of time and effort and thought into, and that has drawn compliments from strangers an more than a few occasions. It’s the perfect engagement ring.

I don’t know why your husband won’t buy you a ring — human rights issues, would rather spend the money elsewhere, prefers emeralds? But I do know that you should never, ever base your self worth on a gift or possession. If it’s a diamond ring you want, then buy yourself one of those right hand rings they advertise everywhere. If it’s that you want your husband to acknowledge your desire for a diamond ring…well, have you tried being frank with him about how important it is to you?

One more thing, and I apologize in advance for getting preachy. I think we’d all be happier (and maybe more popular) if we spent less time being grateful for what we do have than lamenting what we don’t have. If you’ve been with your husband for many years, he must be a pretty okay guy, right? Why let a diamond or lack thereof get in the way of that?