Comments on: For sometimes richer and sometimes poorer http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:36:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: rabrab http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-272568 rabrab Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:55:37 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-272568 I got my engagement ring two and a half years after we were married. It's a huge oblong miner's cut amethyst that my husband found in the loose gems cabinet of a pawn shop (he knew that I love amethyst.) Every so often, we'd pull it out and discuss what sort of setting I wanted for it, and he'd sketch possibilities. Then his mother gave me an antique pearl ring in the most fascinating setting, and we took both the pearl ring and the amethyst to a jewelers and asked him to design a setting for the amethyst based on the pearl one. He spent several weeks making models and tweaking the design, then, when we were all three satisfied, he cast it in 10K gold (since I am not easy on rings, anything softer would probably be too soft to stand up to wear, and since the set was huge, the price of the gold was a factor, too.) The loose stone cost about $40. The finished ring cost about $400. And I have a ring that I know I will never see on another person, that I know my darling put a lot of time and effort and thought into, and that has drawn compliments from strangers an more than a few occasions. It's the perfect engagement ring. I got my engagement ring two and a half years after we were married.

It’s a huge oblong miner’s cut amethyst that my husband found in the loose gems cabinet of a pawn shop (he knew that I love amethyst.) Every so often, we’d pull it out and discuss what sort of setting I wanted for it, and he’d sketch possibilities.

Then his mother gave me an antique pearl ring in the most fascinating setting, and we took both the pearl ring and the amethyst to a jewelers and asked him to design a setting for the amethyst based on the pearl one. He spent several weeks making models and tweaking the design, then, when we were all three satisfied, he cast it in 10K gold (since I am not easy on rings, anything softer would probably be too soft to stand up to wear, and since the set was huge, the price of the gold was a factor, too.)

The loose stone cost about $40. The finished ring cost about $400. And I have a ring that I know I will never see on another person, that I know my darling put a lot of time and effort and thought into, and that has drawn compliments from strangers an more than a few occasions. It’s the perfect engagement ring.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-271580 Never teh Bride Wed, 19 Nov 2008 20:09:09 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-271580 ringless: I live in a world where many people have many things I do not have, from three-story houses to vintage copper cookware to remote car starters. If I spent time thinking about everything they have that I don't, I wouldn't have much time to think about anything else! I don't know why your husband won't buy you a ring -- human rights issues, would rather spend the money elsewhere, prefers emeralds? But I do know that you should never, ever base your self worth on a gift or possession. If it's a diamond ring you want, then buy yourself one of those right hand rings they advertise everywhere. If it's that you want your husband to acknowledge your desire for a diamond ring...well, have you tried being frank with him about how important it is to you? One more thing, and I apologize in advance for getting preachy. I think we'd all be happier (and maybe more popular) if we spent less time being grateful for what we do have than lamenting what we don't have. If you've been with your husband for many years, he must be a pretty okay guy, right? Why let a diamond or lack thereof get in the way of that? ringless: I live in a world where many people have many things I do not have, from three-story houses to vintage copper cookware to remote car starters. If I spent time thinking about everything they have that I don’t, I wouldn’t have much time to think about anything else!

I don’t know why your husband won’t buy you a ring — human rights issues, would rather spend the money elsewhere, prefers emeralds? But I do know that you should never, ever base your self worth on a gift or possession. If it’s a diamond ring you want, then buy yourself one of those right hand rings they advertise everywhere. If it’s that you want your husband to acknowledge your desire for a diamond ring…well, have you tried being frank with him about how important it is to you?

One more thing, and I apologize in advance for getting preachy. I think we’d all be happier (and maybe more popular) if we spent less time being grateful for what we do have than lamenting what we don’t have. If you’ve been with your husband for many years, he must be a pretty okay guy, right? Why let a diamond or lack thereof get in the way of that?

]]> By: Ringless http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-271406 Ringless Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:58:04 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-271406 My only regret in marrying my husband of many years is that I did not get a diamond before I said "I Do"..even a very small one. I live in a world where averyone around me has one while I do not. My husband just won't do it. I feel completely depressed and unworthy. I was once popular and happy, but now I am just ringless. My only regret in marrying my husband of many years is that I did not get a diamond before I said “I Do”..even a very small one. I live in a world where averyone around me has one while I do not. My husband just won’t do it. I feel completely depressed and unworthy. I was once popular and happy, but now I am just ringless.

]]> By: Jennifer http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-159431 Jennifer Fri, 07 Mar 2008 20:32:50 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-159431 I didn't get a fancy diamond ring for my engagement either ... but I'm glad he didn't spend a fortune on me because i knew i would wear it that often after we got married. Before we got married I did a ton of research which i found alot of interesting stuff from <a href="http://www.abazias.com/diamondblog/?p=1051" rel="nofollow">these guys</a>, and decided to splurge on my actual wedding band. I don't like most engagement rings because the diamond sticks out so much and gets caught on everything so instead of doing the traditional engagement ring we just got my wedding band with a small channel of diamond in it which is great because I don't worry about messing up the diamonds because they don't stick out and I dont hit them on everything. I didn’t get a fancy diamond ring for my engagement either … but I’m glad he didn’t spend a fortune on me because i knew i would wear it that often after we got married. Before we got married I did a ton of research which i found alot of interesting stuff from these guys, and decided to splurge on my actual wedding band. I don’t like most engagement rings because the diamond sticks out so much and gets caught on everything so instead of doing the traditional engagement ring we just got my wedding band with a small channel of diamond in it which is great because I don’t worry about messing up the diamonds because they don’t stick out and I dont hit them on everything.

]]> By: TG http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131904 TG Tue, 31 Jul 2007 04:11:10 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131904 I don't wear any jewelry, and always lost any I did have, and always hated the idea of wasting money on something so "superficial". But when I was 12, I saw a picture of a beautifully clean and simple tension set ring. It stuck with me, and 17 years later, after I started dating my future husband I googled tension settings and found a ring I fell in love with. So I sent him the picture, ya know, just to show him how pretty it was. Also, his best friend is a diamond dealer, so while I may have lived without it otherwise, it seemed like I'd be passing up a wholesale bargain. When he gave me the ring, I was blown away- it just sparkled like nothing I'd ever seen and I loved, loved loved it. I only took it off to shower. About 2 weeks after we were married, I took it off in the bathroom, it slipped from my finger and dropped onto the marble floor. THE DIAMOND CHIPPED. It seriously, just, lost an entire little peice. We had not had it insured yet, so now, I wear a once perfect, now chipped diamond. Now I never take it off, and don't worry about scratching it or handling it with kid-gloves... It has now become a part of me, clearly flawed but still very, very shiny. And definitely tough, but maybe not as tough as one might think. :-) ... Was it a waste of money? Maybe in retrospect. But at the time, I was surprised that it didn't. I can't decide. Knowing he had spent the time and thought to get me exactly what I wanted and spared no expense did make me feel special - but ONLY because he paid wholesale... It would have felt like a waste of money if he got less quality for more money... but now that it's broken, I don't think I am going to replace the stone... because mine is broken and thats the just the way it is. Also, it's super expensive to reset a tension ring, and you have to send it back to the manufacturer, and I don't want to part with it for an extended period of time. I don’t wear any jewelry, and always lost any I did have, and always hated the idea of wasting money on something so “superficial”. But when I was 12, I saw a picture of a beautifully clean and simple tension set ring. It stuck with me, and 17 years later, after I started dating my future husband I googled tension settings and found a ring I fell in love with. So I sent him the picture, ya know, just to show him how pretty it was. Also, his best friend is a diamond dealer, so while I may have lived without it otherwise, it seemed like I’d be passing up a wholesale bargain. When he gave me the ring, I was blown away- it just sparkled like nothing I’d ever seen and I loved, loved loved it. I only took it off to shower. About 2 weeks after we were married, I took it off in the bathroom, it slipped from my finger and dropped onto the marble floor. THE DIAMOND CHIPPED. It seriously, just, lost an entire little peice. We had not had it insured yet, so now, I wear a once perfect, now chipped diamond. Now I never take it off, and don’t worry about scratching it or handling it with kid-gloves… It has now become a part of me, clearly flawed but still very, very shiny. And definitely tough, but maybe not as tough as one might think. :-)
… Was it a waste of money? Maybe in retrospect. But at the time, I was surprised that it didn’t. I can’t decide. Knowing he had spent the time and thought to get me exactly what I wanted and spared no expense did make me feel special - but ONLY because he paid wholesale… It would have felt like a waste of money if he got less quality for more money… but now that it’s broken, I don’t think I am going to replace the stone… because mine is broken and thats the just the way it is. Also, it’s super expensive to reset a tension ring, and you have to send it back to the manufacturer, and I don’t want to part with it for an extended period of time.

]]> By: ML http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131883 ML Mon, 30 Jul 2007 23:43:43 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131883 I don't see how lowering your standards of living to accomplish such a goal or any goal is worth lamenting upon. Anything worth having takes sacrifice and time- you know? It's all about choices and priorities. House, diamond ring, big SUV it's all the same thing. My preferred standard of living is to have my double skim latte from starbucks every day, but I end up saving close to 1300 a year if I don't buy it. And guess what- it goes to our house fund. Little things like that go a long way. My FI made those sacrifices and yes we got a beautiful (and BIG- shocking!!) diamond ring. When I see people getting into tons of debt before entering a marriage that makes me sad. We are a society filled with selfish people that want things right away without sacrificing for them and I must say I try everyday to fight that kind of engrained attitude within myself. It's the attitude, not how much (or how little) your FI spends on your rings guys. As tto stated, the actual amount is irrelevent. I don’t see how lowering your standards of living to accomplish such a goal or any goal is worth lamenting upon. Anything worth having takes sacrifice and time- you know? It’s all about choices and priorities. House, diamond ring, big SUV it’s all the same thing. My preferred standard of living is to have my double skim latte from starbucks every day, but I end up saving close to 1300 a year if I don’t buy it. And guess what- it goes to our house fund. Little things like that go a long way. My FI made those sacrifices and yes we got a beautiful (and BIG- shocking!!) diamond ring. When I see people getting into tons of debt before entering a marriage that makes me sad. We are a society filled with selfish people that want things right away without sacrificing for them and I must say I try everyday to fight that kind of engrained attitude within myself. It’s the attitude, not how much (or how little) your FI spends on your rings guys. As tto stated, the actual amount is irrelevent.

]]> By: Pencils http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131861 Pencils Mon, 30 Jul 2007 19:20:07 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131861 tto--that's the beauty of it, your engagement ring can be whatever you want it to be. If you want it to be a very special, financially significant gift, then that's great for you (as long as your guy agrees.) In a lot of ways, I agree with you, I think the engagement ring should be a significant gift--but it's up to the couple to decide what the "significance" will be. It doesn't have to be monetary value. As I said above, my ring means a lot to me in that it's the most beautiful vintage aquamarine ring I've ever seen, and I didn't find it, my husband did! He's an amazing man. My ring cost only only about half of my husband's budget for an engagement ring, but I wasn't interested in the value, I wanted *that* ring. Although I did suggest that he buy me some matching earrings with the rest of the money...for some reason he found that funny, but I was serious. ;) tto–that’s the beauty of it, your engagement ring can be whatever you want it to be. If you want it to be a very special, financially significant gift, then that’s great for you (as long as your guy agrees.) In a lot of ways, I agree with you, I think the engagement ring should be a significant gift–but it’s up to the couple to decide what the “significance” will be. It doesn’t have to be monetary value. As I said above, my ring means a lot to me in that it’s the most beautiful vintage aquamarine ring I’ve ever seen, and I didn’t find it, my husband did! He’s an amazing man. My ring cost only only about half of my husband’s budget for an engagement ring, but I wasn’t interested in the value, I wanted *that* ring. Although I did suggest that he buy me some matching earrings with the rest of the money…for some reason he found that funny, but I was serious. ;)

]]> By: tto http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131860 tto Mon, 30 Jul 2007 18:43:01 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131860 i don't think the purchase of an engagement ring should bust the hub's bank to the point of indebtedness...but i think it should hurt. at least a little. i personally consider the engagement ring to be more than just a token of the hubs-to-be asking for your hand in marriage. it encompasses his hard work, his careful planning, basically his busting his b@lls at an attempt to quantify his love for you in the one gift that you will be keeping for the rest of your life. as his wife. forever. and ever. and, just to be clear, that means depending on his financial situation, the ring could cost $100 or $100000. the actual amount is rather irrelevant. as long as it hurts a little and he had to work hard for it...know what i'm saying? as for owning a house and saving for a lavish vacation, etc....those are very honorable goals and goals i hope to reach one of these days. but to me (and remember, every couple is different!), those are goals i'm prepared to face with the hubs together as a couple...and we'd work together as a team, to meet them. but the engagement ring...is the one special gift to me from the hubs-to-be. and so...i'd rather it be more significant than not. i don’t think the purchase of an engagement ring should bust the hub’s bank to the point of indebtedness…but i think it should hurt. at least a little.

i personally consider the engagement ring to be more than just a token of the hubs-to-be asking for your hand in marriage. it encompasses his hard work, his careful planning, basically his busting his b@lls at an attempt to quantify his love for you in the one gift that you will be keeping for the rest of your life. as his wife. forever. and ever. and, just to be clear, that means depending on his financial situation, the ring could cost $100 or $100000. the actual amount is rather irrelevant. as long as it hurts a little and he had to work hard for it…know what i’m saying?

as for owning a house and saving for a lavish vacation, etc….those are very honorable goals and goals i hope to reach one of these days. but to me (and remember, every couple is different!), those are goals i’m prepared to face with the hubs together as a couple…and we’d work together as a team, to meet them.

but the engagement ring…is the one special gift to me from the hubs-to-be. and so…i’d rather it be more significant than not.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131854 Never teh Bride Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:40:06 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131854 I sometimes remove my wedding band when washing particularly soiled dishes as my finger starts to feel "icky" if I don't. I sometimes remove my wedding band when washing particularly soiled dishes as my finger starts to feel “icky” if I don’t.

]]> By: Pencils http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131847 Pencils Mon, 30 Jul 2007 16:08:11 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/07/27/for-sometimes-richer-and-sometimes-poorer/#comment-131847 I didn't want a diamond ring either, and my husband (then boyfriend) knew it--at some point I must have hinted that what I really wanted was an aquamarine. And since he knows me, a vintage ring. (I would have been happy with a sapphire, too.) When my husband proposed, he gave me a pretty silver ring with an aquamarine CZ as a placeholder until we found "the" ring. However, he promptly showed me a ring he had found: a gorgeous 1940s vintage round aquamarine set in platinum with diamond accents. It was at an estate jeweler in CT that he found through Trocadero.com. I loved it instantly. I had, uh, been looking a bit (OK, a lot) at engagement rings--from Fay Cullen, Marlene Harris, Topazery, and others--but this was by far the best one I had seen. I love my engagement ring so much, it's unique, and very me. And I still can't believe my luck in marrying a man who found such a beautiful, such a perfect ring for me. BTW, my wedding band is a plain platinum band. For one thing, my engagement ring is a bit "busy" and it would be difficult to put anything with it, and my husband, although not religious, believes in the Jewish tradition that a wedding band should be completely plain, without stones. No bling for my wedding band! But the nice thing is that I haven't taken it off since we were married. No reason to. (My husband removes his platinum band only for weightlifting.) I didn’t want a diamond ring either, and my husband (then boyfriend) knew it–at some point I must have hinted that what I really wanted was an aquamarine. And since he knows me, a vintage ring. (I would have been happy with a sapphire, too.) When my husband proposed, he gave me a pretty silver ring with an aquamarine CZ as a placeholder until we found “the” ring. However, he promptly showed me a ring he had found: a gorgeous 1940s vintage round aquamarine set in platinum with diamond accents. It was at an estate jeweler in CT that he found through Trocadero.com. I loved it instantly. I had, uh, been looking a bit (OK, a lot) at engagement rings–from Fay Cullen, Marlene Harris, Topazery, and others–but this was by far the best one I had seen. I love my engagement ring so much, it’s unique, and very me. And I still can’t believe my luck in marrying a man who found such a beautiful, such a perfect ring for me. BTW, my wedding band is a plain platinum band. For one thing, my engagement ring is a bit “busy” and it would be difficult to put anything with it, and my husband, although not religious, believes in the Jewish tradition that a wedding band should be completely plain, without stones. No bling for my wedding band! But the nice thing is that I haven’t taken it off since we were married. No reason to. (My husband removes his platinum band only for weightlifting.)

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