Left, right, left. Left, right, left.
By Never teh BrideRemember, way back in the day, when I was clearing out my inbox? Well it’s that time again, which means that I’m going to be featuring questions you’ve asked, products you’ve recommended, and funny stuff you’ve been thoughtful enough to share with me. Today, I’m going with an inquiry that came from Eliza, who is no doubt happily married by now. Her circumstance remain timeless, however.
My fiance is Dutch, and in Holland most people wear their wedding rings on their right hand, unless they are catholic, in which case they wear them on their left. We are both relatively non-religious, but are protestant if we have to choose. Never-the-less, at the moment we live in the US (we could move to Holland sometime in the future, but no plans now). He gave me a beautiful antique platinum diamond ring, which I wear on my left ring finger. He has a yellow-gold family crest ring (an heirloom) he always wears on his left ring finger (and which doesn’t fit on his right).
Question #1) Should I let him get away with wearing a wedding ring on the right hand while we’re living in the US? Honestly, he’s a good looking guy who appreciates the attention he gets from women, and I want them all to know he’s taken! But is it too much to ask to have him resize his family ring to fit the right?
Question #2) He said there also might be some yellow gold wedding bands in his family from his grandparents. I like family jewelry, but my engagement ring is platinum. Then I was just thinking, if I wanted to go the multi-cultural route and let him wear his wedding ring on his right hand, what if we both wear his family wedding bands on our right hands? Definitely not-traditional, but we’re dealing with two different cultural norms.
Interesting question you’ve posed here. And one I’ve pondered before, as my grandparents are both Germans living in the US who wear their wedding bands on the right hand.
Now, for me, when I see something that looks like a wedding band, I just assume it is one, but that may be my own multi-cultural background talking. Still, I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you to ask your fiancé to wear his ring American-style when in the States. After all, you’re going to be married, and I imagine you’d like people to know you’re married!
As for your second question, I think you’ve hit upon a truly fabulous idea! I’ve never been one for the doubling up of rings anyway, and you’ve hit upon a perfect solution that lets you permanently rock both your wedding band and your engagement band. It’s also a good compromise–it allows him to keep wearing his family ring on the fitting finger. You may have to explain to unworldly folks who question your choice that you wear your rings European-style, but what is cooler than having a Dutch husband? Very little, IMO!
Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t mix gold and platinum and silver and whatever else you fancy. It can look really stunning when done right.
August 8th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Hee! My grandmother was cool! Her second husband was Dutch.
I’m absolutely with you on both ring questions, NtB.
Then again, I wear both my wedding and engagement ring on one finger. My hands are nearly covered in rings, so it makes sense for me. And I wear all the rings in the family. My guy looked horrified I asked him if he’d like a ring at all. I figured with that reaction, it was for the best to save the money. He doesn’t wear any jewelry at all, even a watch.
It works for us, and that’s what counts.
August 8th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
I disagree with the answer to question 1, I have to say. If you’re worried that girls will try to hit on your husband, then presumably they will find out he’s taken when they try to hit on him and he says “Sorry, I’m married.” And people WILL know that Eliza is married, as she is wearing her ring on her left hand. I don’t know, something about wanting to “mark” her husband as married rubs me the wrong way, as if 1) she doesn’t trust him to deal with women who hit on him, or 2) she wants everyone to know that he is married, regardless of who is hitting on him. Why? What’s the big deal?
August 9th, 2007 at 9:48 am
i am inclined to agree with JS…i was a little taken aback by the fact that her first concern seems to be the ring’s effectiveness as a “TAKEN” sign because her husband “appreciates the attention he gets from women”….and so, ergo, must be disinclined to admit to his married state. sounds like she has a lot more important things to discuss with her husband than ring fingers, frankly.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
I’m gonna guess, JS, that for some people it’s a big deal and for others, it’s not. I can’t answer as to what Eliza’s true motivation is, but I could tell by the tone of her question that it’s important to her. A wedding ring is a symbol and she may be particularly keen on symbols, and I can respect that even if it’s not what I myself would do.