Vive la difference!
The Beard and I have long since begun the process of developing the traditional ring finger callous where our bands sit, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still ooh and ah at wedding bands. I wouldn’t want to lose my edge because I still get questions from brides- and grooms-to-be pondering the myriad ring choices out there. Today, Rosaura asks:
I have a question that I just can’t seem to answer. My engagement ring is white gold, and I plan on wearing a wedding band of the same color. The problem is that my fiancé only wears yellow gold and wants a yellow gold wedding band. Is it all right to have different colors and styles of wedding bands? Or should they match?
Consider yourself lucky that your man even has a preference, Rosaura! Some brides-to-be find that getting their intended to make even the smallest decision is absolute torture. It makes sense if you think about it, as a lot of guys don’t give much thought to jewelry until it comes time to get hitched.
But to answer your question, as often as you’ll come across matching sets when shopping for wedding bands, the era of the perfectly matched set is coming to an end. For those shopping for plain bands, it’s not an issue because they come in all sizes and colors. A lot of women’s wedding bands have stones these days, while men’s rings are less apt to have any sort of setting. And many women prefer to match their wedding band to their engagement ring, leaving their men to choose some alternate style.
So, no, wedding bands do not have to match. Your rings may not be made out of the same metal or have anything in common with each other at all, but that doesn’t mean they are any less a symbol of your love. Some couples don’t wear rings at all or wear rings that you wouldn’t immediately identify as being wedding rings. If your fiancé is a yellow gold kind of dude (and more power to him for even realizing that), then he should by all means wear a wedding ring he is comfortable with. And if you are a white gold kind of gal, there is no reason to deviate from your usual style. After all, you’re going to be wearing that ring for quite some time!
Amen, NtB! And thanks for noting that choosing not to wear a ring or to wear a very non-standard ring is okay, too.
When I was getting married, I can’t tell you how many people tried to convince me that it was absolutely necessary that Mr. Twistie have a ring whether he would or no. They kept telling me I was completely wrong to even ask his opinion as to what it should look like, let alone whether he would wear one!
I thought it was a silly attitude to want me to waste money on something he’d wear only because he was forced to and hated besides. On top of which, he works a great deal with electricity in the topsy-turvey world of professional music. The last thing he needs is to wear a lightning rod on his finger while repairing equipment.
My rings are very non-standard. My guy doesn’t wear a ring at all. The rings are not the marriage, and some of us like to wear more symbols than others. The important thing is that the marriage is strong.
Not that there’s anything wrong with a bit of bling, either.
Also, yay for Rosaura’s beloved knowing what he likes!
Hey, The Beard works in the music world, too! Neat! I have an uncle who deals with the innards of computers every day — he fried two computers and melted two wedding bands before deciding it would be less of a profession hazard to go ringless!
I hear you on the “torture to get him to make a decision” bit. *sigh* I’ve been asking him since March, and so far, all I’ve got is “yellow gold, plain.” Yeah, but flat or half-round? Beveled edge? Shiny or matte? Ten weeks to the wedding–if he doesn’t make a decision soon, I may just surprise him on the day. (He has otherwise been helpful with decision-making.)
I’m fortunate that my husband who’s never worn jewelry decided to take it upon himself to figure out what kind of ring he wanted. He looked on-line and checked the stores when getting my engagement ring. He ended up getting a very classy brushed titanium with a yellow gold band around the center. He loves it and it never even crossed my mind that our rings don’t match.
Our bands match, sort of. They’re both platinum. Mine is completely plain, my husband liked the two-tone look. We were warned that applied finishes wear off quickly, so he chose one that has a titanium inlay. It’s oddly masculine-looking, somehow. We both really love his ring. And the titanium inlay meant that the ring was a bit cheaper than an all-platinum ring. Platinum is very expensive these days, and my husband has large hands and big fingers, so he needed a big size and a wide ring so it wouldn’t look foolish on his hand. We’ve only been married three months, but we like to hold our left hands together so our rings touch. It’s so sappy it makes even me embarrassed–how did I ever end up here? I always hated this stuff!
My husband was pretty picky with what kind of ring he wanted since he doesn’t wear any jewelry to begin with. We went to the store with the idea that we would have matching white gold double milgrained rings. Um… I left with a platinum diamond channel set eternity ring and he got his perfect white gold ring. Ours don’t match and no one has every said anything about it. More people ask me why I don’t wear my engagement ring and my wedding ring together…
I think it’s inevitable that more couples will just get what they want to wear, now that we’ve left the age of red punch, cocktail napkins and kitchsy couples on white cakes receptions. Which means less matching. But I think it’s great. I have a vintage 3-stone e-ring with a tiny (but adorable) diamond with a super-plain band, and DH has a cool deco ring from the 30s. We love ‘em.
I was going to write a long post, but I’ll just “ditto” what Dianasaur wrote, down to the ring description.
I don’t remember where I’ve read this, and I tried to do some research but with no luck, but I’ve heard that it was tradition for the bride to wear silver or white gold and the groom to wear yellow gold because the bride was compared to the moon and the groom compared to the sun. So perhaps your ring situation is appropriate!
My engagement ring doesn’t match my wedding band, and The Bear’s wedding ring doesn’t match either of mine (he picked out a loose diamond and then the setting; my wedding ring is a plain gold band, his is titanium). All that matters to me is that he picked them out, knowing that they were something we’d be comfortable wearing for the rest of our lives together. Anna…does that mean that I am the sun in gold and he is the moon in titanium (dark silver)?
Oh, Anna, what a lovely notion!