Comments on: Advice From the Peanut Gallery

By: Kit

Kit — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 03:33:32 +0000

I was another fortunate one - while I’m sure we got some odd advice, I really don’t remember any. Probably due to the triple factor of (a) shock that I was actually getting married, (b) being the last in my generation of family and close friends to get married so most advice givers were burned out, and (c) doing everything a little oddly anyway. I think the most we got was DH’s grandmother saying we “must” have a formal, sit-down rehersal and reception. We told her we’d be having bbq instead for the rehersal. Oh, and it would be in my informal church. Which was decorated for it’s space VBS. She was welcomed to wear either blue jeans or a space suit. I don’t know if we just shocked her so bad that she stopped trying or if she got it out of her system with the one “you must” (and really, she’s a wonderful woman so it was probably the later) but things seemed to stop after that. I’m just thankful we got away so lightly - my older cousin (who’s almost a sister, we’re that close) wound up with a wedding constructed entirely of “you musts” from her mother and mil. It was horrible. Lesson learned - smile, nod, and do your own thing!

By: Frances

Frances — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 09:26:06 +0000

Yep. Nod and smile. I didn’t exactly tune anyone out since I figured I’ve never gotten married before so they must know better than I did. But because I was already 30 when I got wed, I was confident in what I and my groom wanted. So though I got these:
“How horrible–pink and brown for the motif?”
“Why aren’t you wearing a garter?”
“Why is your gown not a ball gown?”
“Why don’t you let all our relatives sing?”
“Why are you wearing heels, and pink heels, too?”
and a lot more, I didn’t really mind (well, there were times I almost screamed back at them…), I figured they were just showing their concern.

By: Beebs

Beebs — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 19:05:20 +0000

We didn’t get too much bad advice, just a lot of stuff I just *had* to do: Carry white calla lillies, get bridal portraits done, print an engagement announcement in the paper, toss a bouquet…. Not that there is anything wrong with any of that, just not my style. So, I learned to just smile and nod. And not share any details with anyone I knew would be meddling!

By: Lynn

Lynn — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:14:09 +0000

The one that stick in my mind the most was from a rather old lady I didn’t know and have not seen since. She stared me down very intently and said “Don’t have children for three years” There was something really odd about how insistant she was especially considering she was just some random lady in a store that didn’t know me from Adam. It turned out to be really good advise.

By: Nony Mouse

Nony Mouse — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:08:13 +0000

This wasn’t my wedding, but one of my friend’s weddings. She was so tired of people giving her ideas that she hated (but from people she had to be polite to), that I started coming up with them because I wouldn’t be offended if she laughed in my face. Somewhere between the haybale-seating (in a chapel, mind you) and teal-and-rust (or was that pastel purple and pink?) color suggestions - diametrically opposed to her style, her face went from frozen-horrified, to laughing so hysterically that I finally stopped because she needed to breathe.
Personally, my wedding was so ‘out there’ that people were more asking my questions on “so what are you going to do about this?” than anything else. Apparently, several people had asked my mom (looking for backup?) “Why is she doing it that way?” — because she told me her standard answer was “Because it’s fun.”

By: Dianasaur

Dianasaur — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 01:15:59 +0000

My husband really helped me in presenting a united front. If someone was pressuring me to do something, or not do something else, if I got worn down he would do the “man” thing. “This is what we’re doing” and leave it at that. It was so helpful to have his support in deflecting unwanted advice. But I also got a lot of good advice as well. It’s really a matter of being open to suggestions, but not compromising on what’s important to you.

By: Twistie

Twistie — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 16:35:40 +0000

You’re devious, Fenny. I like it.

By: Fenny

Fenny — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 23:22:09 +0000

Do what Peter & Harriet did. Let someone else make all the arrangements they like whilst making alternative plans of your own.

By: Twistie

Twistie — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 18:29:32 +0000

You’re very lucky, JaneC! I was pretty lucky, too, in that most of the unsolicited opinions related more to my choice of engagement ring (a silver frog??? where’s the diamond??) than anything else…though I did get a long lecture from a lady who knew perfectly well that I’m an atheist and my beloved is agnostic about how if we didn’t get married in a church our marriage was doomed to failure. Fourteen years later, I’m still waiting for that disaster to strike.

On the other hand, my sister-in-law got so many opinions and demands from others that my mother and I had to regularly sit her down and remind her whose wedding it was in the first place, and really, it’s okay to use silk flowers when you’re allergic to the real thing.

And when my Matron of Honor was getting married, she got all sorts of insane advice from the groom’s family and one bridesmaid. She nearly tore her hair out.

Over the years I’ve known at least half a dozen brides who nearly threw in the wedding planning towel over well-meaning advice.

So count your blessings, Jane! I know I do.

By: JaneC

JaneC — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 18:06:27 +0000

I have to say, I don’t know who all these people are who supposedly give advice left and right. I’ve had two people who recommended a photographer (which was actually extremely helpful), and some of my pals who are professional musicians offered their services (gratefully accepted).

The only odd thing was my future MIL offering me her garter; apparently there is a venerable old aunt who made garters for all the family brides, but her arthritis no longer allows her to do the sewing and she was very disappointed that she wouldn’t be able to make one for me…but garters are underwear, and wearing someone else’s strikes me as a bit odd. I smiled and said “Sure, that’d be great,” but since I have no intention of doing a garter toss, future MIL will never know if I don’t wear it. And if she asks, well, my dress doesn’t have a very full skirt or petticoat, and I’m sure a garter would show under it, so….

Other than that, even though the year-long wedding planning is nearly at an end (ten weeks from…right now!), no one has offered any unsolicited advice, only asked how things were going.