Never let it be said that I will not take a bullet for the readers of this fine blog.

What bullet might that be, you may ask?

A solid week of watching reality shows about weddings, that’s the answer. I’ll have some observations about the lessons I learned from these shows tomorrow. For now I just have one question:

Why do women sign up to be featured on Bridezillas?

I know they get something, because as my brain screamed at the end of every episode I saw I knew it was drowning out the sound of the announcer telling us what resort or hotel the couple got to stay at for three days in return for having their reputations trashed on national television over the course of two episodes. But is that really all they get? Is it really worth it? Some shows I can understand being willing to be on them for the sake of a couple nights at a nice hotel, but this one?

Also I had to wonder at some of the choices of brides. While most of the women I saw profiled on the show were definitely doing everything in their power to live down to the Bridezilla label, there was at least one who I felt was not only not Bridezilla, but was more of a pathetic sad sack who couldn’t get anyone to help her with anything. She had no organizational skills and her friends and family spent most of their time ignoring her or laughing at her for wanting a nice wedding. Okay, her waterworks got to be a bit much, but I would have cried, too, if I’d been stuck cleaning up my own reception in my wedding gown with only one or two people half-heartedly helping out – none of whom even seemed to be the groom. By what stretch of the imagination is this Bridezilla behavior?

Could it be that there weren’t enough actual Bridezillas out there volunteering for the show?

But my question remains: why would anyone go out of their way to don the mantle of Bridezilla?

I just don’t get it.

Newlyweds Nick and Michaela Beardshaw just wanted to incorporate Nick’s love of WWII reenactment into their wedding. What they got was a BBC reporter calling them Nazis on an edition of BBC1′s Panorama shown last month. Sure, Michaela is a German native, and Nick did dress in the standard uniform of a Second World War German army doctor.

But, Nick claims, he’s not actually the Nazi sympathizer he was made out to be on the BBC. Guests at the ceremony represented various WWII participant nations, not just Germany, but viewers were not shown the guests dressed as British and US soldiers. And when viewers heard Deutschland Uber Alles playing during the ceremony, Nick says it’s because the BBC dubbed it over I’ll Be With You In Apple Blossom Time for added shock value.

[Nick] claims that when he realised what the programme was about he asked for the footage not to be used.

He denied he is sympathetic to Nazi beliefs or has any link with neo-Nazi groups and has complained to the BBC and broadcasting watchdog Ofcom about the programme.

While I can’t say I think Nick and Michaela made the wisest choice when deciding on their wedding theme, war reenactments do require that players representing both sides participate. Some folks play the Axis powers and some folks play the Allies — and Nick just happens to be a member of the Axis Forces Re-enactment Association. I do hope they get an apology from the reporter who misrepresented them because the show undoubtedly cast a shadow over their newlywed glow.

When I was researching bouquets before my wedding, I suddenly developed a thing for green roses…and green lilies and green everything else. I’m not sure where my obsession came from, considering that I’d always found green flowers to be kind of ridiculous, but I was nonetheless adamant about having some non-leafy greens in my bouquet. Sadly, my floral adviser (a designer of some experience) nixed the idea after seeing my wedding colors, and I wisely trusted her judgment.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t create my own green extravaganza, with pretty chair wraps and a stunning Vera Wang gown and greengreengreen centerpieces in tinted, thrifted glass!

When you spend a goodly part of the morning perusing fantastic cakes, you tend to want cake for breakfast. Now can you guess why I’m sitting here drinking coffee and eating cake? When I came back from my somewhat extended visit to the gym with two generous slices of cake in tow, The Beard was skeptical. Until, that is, I reminded him that the giant muffins and pastries many people consume each morning are nothing more than fat, sugar, and carbs. In other words, cake.

To ensure that I’m not the only one hankering for cake, here are two gorgeous specimens from two wonderful bakeries, Dream of Cake and Bake Me a Cake Pastry Shop.

On an entirely different topic, Wade of Rockett Science sent me a link to Marry Our Daughter, an uber creepy site that, for all its lack of seriousness, makes me glad that I live in a society that lets me choose my own mate. UPDATE: For those curious, Marry Our Daughter turns out to be a site intended to draw attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws. The New York Times wrote an article about the rather wide-reaching hoax (think radio appearances), which was perpetrated by sci-fi author John Ordover.

Not so keen on the whole gown thing? Maybe you’ve lived your whole life in pants, and you’re not about to change that. If that’s the case AND you’ve been dreaming of an ABBA tribute wedding since you were just a wee slip of a lass, then Xiamen Wellton Fashion of Taiwan has the bridal getup for you. According to the limited amount of company information I could find, their wedding wear is popular in Europe, America, the Middle East, Japan, and “other areas.” Honestly, I’m not so sure how accurate that statement is when taken in the context of, um, reality. I can’t tell from the model’s expression if she’s thinking “Rawr, I’m a white tigress” or “Someone cut me out of this crazy thing!”

Every so often I stop by Wedding Wire to see what’s new. Of course, every so often isn’t exactly ‘often,’ which means I tend to come across new functionalities late in the game. But whatever–it’s not like I’m in urgent need of bridal entrance music. For those who aren’t yet hitched and need a little prompting where music is concerned, Wedding Wire has created a handy page where brides-to-be can preview popular ceremony and reception music.

Even if you never actually placate your antsy guests with Greensleeves pre-ceremony or dance to Andy Williams’ Hawaiian Wedding Song at the start of your reception, the wedding songs database will at least give you some ideas to roll with when you’re feeling blocked. The best part is that you can preview the songs right there on Wedding Wire, watch videos of each song being performed, and check to make sure that the lyrics are in accordance with your worldview.

The database is relatively small right now, and other sites, like WedAlert(clips) and Our Wedding Songs (lyrics), offer a similar service, but nothing I’ve found so far is as streamlined and easy to use as the Wedding Wire music guide. Here’s hoping that the site’s creators add to it sometime in the near future before some other site comes along and renders it obsolete. Teh Internets…they move fast.

(Just for fun: See a dress trashed in this older CNN spot. Or read about why no one really needs a “perfect” wedding.)

J. dropped me a line recently, as she and her intended are currently in the processes of deciding how large (or small) their wedding party will be.

My fiancé and I are planning our wedding for next summer. We have selected a tiny resort island as the venue for our big day. The venue is idyllic and suits our tastes perfectly. The only drawback is that the restaurant only accommodates 65, so we’ve decided to keep it small. I was wondering though…for a wedding that size, what size wedding party is appropriate? I was thinking no more than 6; two bridesmaids, two groomsmen, the maid of honor and best man. Your expert advice will be appreciated.

Good question — and one I haven’t spent a lot of time pondering as I myself had a small wedding party, with two maids, two men, and one super cute flower girl. How many people you and your intended choose to have at your side when you say your I dos is first and foremost a matter of comfort and taste. If you each have three close friends and family members you love dearly, there is no reason to scramble for more attendants or leave anyone out. That’s usually how cousins, coworkers, and confused childhood pals end up standing at the altar, and sisters, best friends, and so on end up in tears.

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