Still, I would be very happy to go to the JP rather than planning a big wedding. We would have to get an annulment before we could be married in the church and that takes a long time — not that we wouldn’t try; we would just get married first and then worry about the annulment, hoping that I don’t get some terminal disease and die before the annulment is granted and I could get extreme unction.

Even if an annulment weren’t the issue, I think I am a little old for a big to-do. I’d rather just throw a big party for my friends afterwards and make them take home the extra sets of silverware and towels from the merging of two complete households.

If we went to a JP, my mother, who has been hoping for years that one of her three offspring would just get married already and give her some grandchildren, darnit, would be very, very hurt.

I have, however, wrestled with the issue of a second bridesmaid. While we are close, I was not a bridesmaid at her wedding (she had only her sisters.) Her husband will be a groomsmen for my fiance, and I am at a loss as to whether it would be more awkward to ask her, or not to ask her. Oy.

Alas, all too often everyone around you thinks they have a big say in your wedding. Just keep in mind my family mantra: who’s milking this frog? IOW, who’s in charge here? And the answer is you and your intended are. Thank others for their suggestions, but don’t feel bound by them. In the longrun, planning a wedding is as stressful as you allow it to be. Find ways to shake off the frustrations and you’ll make it through with your sanity intact.

amy, I’m sorry your fiance is looking at this so rigidly. Alas, when it’s your intended, it’s a lot harder to buck the tide. Just keep breathing and it’ll all work out fine.

Hmmm…maybe I should do a couple articles on how to be a good bridesmaid/groomsman and you can have them read up on the subject in a (mostly) painless way. In the meantime, chin up! NtB and I will do our best to smooth your way.

i’m one of the last of one group of friends to get married and one of the first of the other group, so people are either burned out or have no idea what goes into the process. i wish we didn’t have to have a wedding party at all, at this point!

asiji, I love the fact that you’ve given a supremely practical reason for choosing a man in the bride’s side of the wedding party. As you say, he can pass messages to the groom without suddenly having a half-dressed woman burst in on half a dozen half-dressed men.

And considering the number of women who have both a Maid and Matron of Honor, I see no reason to be confused at someone having a Maid and a Bachelor of Honor.

While I love my female friends to pieces, my Bachelor of Honor has an incredible talent for humor and timing. Once I had the dress on, there was noone else I would have trusted to keep me calm.

And, for brides who think it might look strange to not have any women up front: if your dress is white (or a pale color) and the tuxes are a dark color, it actually looks quite striking and puts all the attention on you. I had the groomsmens’ bowties and corsages match my flowers to tie it all together, and it looked fantastic!

As a side note, it also meant that when my makeup girl was taking *way* too long, I could send him up to reassure my husband I was still there, and he blended with the groomsmen/ushers, so there wouldn’t be whispers as to why a half-dressed bridesmaid kept wandering through the sanctuary and into the groomsmens’ dressing room. (I had taken a bit of convincing that this whole marriage thing was necessary, and due to a series of bumps, ended up doing all the work and decision-making, and the stress had definitely gotten to me. I’d asked to just elope more than once.)

When Bro got married, SiL had her small nephews & niece as her attendants and they asked me to do one of the readings. I was far happier with this arrangement, as it meant I didn’t have to wear any meringue-like concoctions.

Groomsmen don’t seem to figure much over here. It’s generally the females that come in packs, while the blokes just pick the one wingman. And we don’t go a bundle on flower-girls and ring bearers either – unless there’s been a sudden change in fashion while I wasn’t looking (which wouldn’t surprise me, as the weddings I attend are usually less “fashionable” and more individual).