Comments on: The Proper Care and Feeding of Bridal Attendants http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:59:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Kit http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-139363 Kit Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:36:01 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-139363 Fantastic list. Fortunately I've never been burned on the level of Anon (who should be nominated for sainthood!) but the first wedding I was in was a definite collision of me having no idea what I was responsible for and a MOB that was a bit out of control. It was a fairly standard case of hideous dresses and horrendously expensive designer shoes to match. I actually refused to buy the shoes - I was a college senior looking to grad school and every month was a challenge to keep my bank account from hitting negatives. Designer shoes just weren't in the equasion. In the end my mom bought the shoes to keep peace with MOB (the bride was in total shock and just counting the moments until she got her life back) and I've never worn them again - the cheapest shoes from payless were more comfortable and (quite likely) more attractive. Seriously, a reading of this list (or one like it) should be required by all involved in the wedding (since it's not always the brides themselves that run the show - MOBs can be quite territorial!) prior to all else. Life would be so much saner... Fantastic list. Fortunately I’ve never been burned on the level of Anon (who should be nominated for sainthood!) but the first wedding I was in was a definite collision of me having no idea what I was responsible for and a MOB that was a bit out of control. It was a fairly standard case of hideous dresses and horrendously expensive designer shoes to match. I actually refused to buy the shoes – I was a college senior looking to grad school and every month was a challenge to keep my bank account from hitting negatives. Designer shoes just weren’t in the equasion. In the end my mom bought the shoes to keep peace with MOB (the bride was in total shock and just counting the moments until she got her life back) and I’ve never worn them again – the cheapest shoes from payless were more comfortable and (quite likely) more attractive.

Seriously, a reading of this list (or one like it) should be required by all involved in the wedding (since it’s not always the brides themselves that run the show – MOBs can be quite territorial!) prior to all else. Life would be so much saner…

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-139317 Never teh Bride Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:27:51 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-139317 Sounds like you're dealing with a bride with entitlement issues, Anon. Or at least a bride who is too wrapped up in her own wedding to see that she is imposing, however unintentionally, upon her loved ones. Have you tried gently voicing your concerns? Sounds like you’re dealing with a bride with entitlement issues, Anon. Or at least a bride who is too wrapped up in her own wedding to see that she is imposing, however unintentionally, upon her loved ones. Have you tried gently voicing your concerns?

]]> By: La BellaDonna http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-139315 La BellaDonna Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:53:50 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-139315 Anon, are you familiar with the saying, "Your presence is gift enough?" Well, if you weren't before, now you are. NO bride who is imposing those expenses on her bridesmaids (especially a student!) should expect more than a smile (however forced), and a card of congratulations. I fear that otherwise, under the circumstances you've described, it might well be considered a "parting gift." (Still choking over where the bride decided where SHE wanted her shower). Anon, are you familiar with the saying, “Your presence is gift enough?” Well, if you weren’t before, now you are. NO bride who is imposing those expenses on her bridesmaids (especially a student!) should expect more than a smile (however forced), and a card of congratulations.

I fear that otherwise, under the circumstances you’ve described, it might well be considered a “parting gift.”

(Still choking over where the bride decided where SHE wanted her shower).

]]> By: Anon to protect the not so innocent... http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-139203 Anon to protect the not so innocent... Sun, 14 Oct 2007 05:04:06 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-139203 Oh I wish my friend was reading this--actually I wish she'd read it a few months ago! I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding which will be happening very soon and I must admit I'm feeling more resentful than excited about any part of it. The costs have been totally out of control and the fact that I was never asked about any of it really makes me mad. I'm coming from out of town so I'm already paying several hundred dollars for a flight. She decided she wanted her shower (which I couldn't attend) at a restaurant and the MOH informed me that we the attendants were throwing it. I was never asked if I wanted to split the costs. I was just sent an email by the MOH lining up my portion of the costs (significantly over $100). The dress was $200 before alterations and in my opinion is hideous. It's sooo bridesmaidy that there's no chance I'll ever be able to wear it again. It's floor length but we still had to get dyeable shoes (even though the color we're dying them is an easy color to find shoes in and I even have leather shoes in that color) The part that's really put me over the top though is that I was informed that I have an appointment for an updo and that it's going to cost me $50. I've always been under the opinion that if you're going to ask a bridesmaid to do something like that, you have to pay for it. I have thick curly hair that is very easy for me to put up so that it looks professionally done. I always do my own updo's, but when I said this I was told that this wasn't optional. Uggh...sorry to rant, but this is one of my pet peeves and I'm right in the middle of it now. It's going to cost me well over $1000 (and that's before the gift!) to participate in this wedding and as a grad student, that's a real hardship and it doesn't leave me with good feelings about the bride. Oh I wish my friend was reading this–actually I wish she’d read it a few months ago! I’m a bridesmaid in her wedding which will be happening very soon and I must admit I’m feeling more resentful than excited about any part of it. The costs have been totally out of control and the fact that I was never asked about any of it really makes me mad. I’m coming from out of town so I’m already paying several hundred dollars for a flight. She decided she wanted her shower (which I couldn’t attend) at a restaurant and the MOH informed me that we the attendants were throwing it. I was never asked if I wanted to split the costs. I was just sent an email by the MOH lining up my portion of the costs (significantly over $100). The dress was $200 before alterations and in my opinion is hideous. It’s sooo bridesmaidy that there’s no chance I’ll ever be able to wear it again. It’s floor length but we still had to get dyeable shoes (even though the color we’re dying them is an easy color to find shoes in and I even have leather shoes in that color) The part that’s really put me over the top though is that I was informed that I have an appointment for an updo and that it’s going to cost me $50. I’ve always been under the opinion that if you’re going to ask a bridesmaid to do something like that, you have to pay for it. I have thick curly hair that is very easy for me to put up so that it looks professionally done. I always do my own updo’s, but when I said this I was told that this wasn’t optional.

Uggh…sorry to rant, but this is one of my pet peeves and I’m right in the middle of it now. It’s going to cost me well over $1000 (and that’s before the gift!) to participate in this wedding and as a grad student, that’s a real hardship and it doesn’t leave me with good feelings about the bride.

]]> By: raincoaster http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-139095 raincoaster Sat, 13 Oct 2007 10:23:35 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-139095 Golly, I think I've discovered why my "Clean Slate" platform isn't working in the long run. Golly, I think I’ve discovered why my “Clean Slate” platform isn’t working in the long run.

]]> By: Top 5 Wedding Blog Posts of the Week! — Our Wedding Plus http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-138986 Top 5 Wedding Blog Posts of the Week! — Our Wedding Plus Fri, 12 Oct 2007 04:37:42 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-138986 [...] 2.       And, that was a good segue into Twistie’s post  over at Manolobrides.  She had a great post about how to properly take care of your bridesmaids.  Checkout “The Proper Care and Feeding of Bridal Attendants” [...] [...] 2.       And, that was a good segue into Twistie’s post  over at Manolobrides.  She had a great post about how to properly take care of your bridesmaids.  Checkout “The Proper Care and Feeding of Bridal Attendants” [...]

]]> By: Molly http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-138701 Molly Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:10:44 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-138701 Yeah, things have changed a lot. I think the biggest change has to do with who finances the wedding and how much it costs. A lot of brides I've attended fall in love with the 40k weddings they see on TV and in magazines and then realize they can't afford it all. If they are reasonable, they change their expectations. If they aren't... some of the price tag rolls down hill. I actually had a MOH tell a bride I was attending that I should step down if I could afford the price tag. Mind you, this was after three occasions on which she stuck me with 1/2 or 2/3 of a big bill that was supposed to be smaller and a three way split between attendants. So I would add to expectations: make sure your honor attendants know very clearly what you expect from them and the other attendants so you don't get surprised by your closest friends and family having huge cat fights at your reception. (No, I didn't do that but it was such a close thing.) Yeah, things have changed a lot. I think the biggest change has to do with who finances the wedding and how much it costs. A lot of brides I’ve attended fall in love with the 40k weddings they see on TV and in magazines and then realize they can’t afford it all. If they are reasonable, they change their expectations. If they aren’t… some of the price tag rolls down hill. I actually had a MOH tell a bride I was attending that I should step down if I could afford the price tag. Mind you, this was after three occasions on which she stuck me with 1/2 or 2/3 of a big bill that was supposed to be smaller and a three way split between attendants. So I would add to expectations: make sure your honor attendants know very clearly what you expect from them and the other attendants so you don’t get surprised by your closest friends and family having huge cat fights at your reception. (No, I didn’t do that but it was such a close thing.)

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-138687 Never teh Bride Mon, 08 Oct 2007 03:32:43 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-138687 Depends on who your friends are, class-factotum. My friends never asked me to do anything in particular, and I didn't ask my maids to do anything other than show up with a dress early enough to make use of the stylist...but some people expect a lot from their attendants. You'd be surprised! Depends on who your friends are, class-factotum. My friends never asked me to do anything in particular, and I didn’t ask my maids to do anything other than show up with a dress early enough to make use of the stylist…but some people expect a lot from their attendants. You’d be surprised!

]]> By: class-factotum http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-138679 class-factotum Sun, 07 Oct 2007 22:37:36 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-138679 Have things changed a lot in the past 25 years? Or was I just lucky? I was a bridesmaid in several weddings in the mid and late 80s and all I was expected to do was to buy the dress and show up for the rehearsal and the wedding. Maybe my friends are all really low-key or maybe weddings weren't such a production back then. It might not have been such a bad idea to have a stylist do our hair and makeup, though. I look back on those photos and shudder. I never have been able to dress myself. Have things changed a lot in the past 25 years? Or was I just lucky? I was a bridesmaid in several weddings in the mid and late 80s and all I was expected to do was to buy the dress and show up for the rehearsal and the wedding. Maybe my friends are all really low-key or maybe weddings weren’t such a production back then.

It might not have been such a bad idea to have a stylist do our hair and makeup, though. I look back on those photos and shudder. I never have been able to dress myself.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/comment-page-1/#comment-138673 Never teh Bride Sun, 07 Oct 2007 19:13:01 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/10/07/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-bridal-attendants/#comment-138673 I would add "be forgiving." Remote attendants may not be able to fulfill those roles typically taken on by 'maids or 'men. Some may have less money or time than others, so there will likely be times during which certain attendants are in the trenches folding programs while others are still on shift at second jobs. Don't favor those that just happen to have more time or money to contribute. I would add “be forgiving.” Remote attendants may not be able to fulfill those roles typically taken on by ‘maids or ‘men. Some may have less money or time than others, so there will likely be times during which certain attendants are in the trenches folding programs while others are still on shift at second jobs. Don’t favor those that just happen to have more time or money to contribute.

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