A Curious Bridesmaid asks:
There was a… let’s say awkward situation I encountered during one of my many stints as a bridesmaid. The maid of honor at this particular wedding was really excited about throwing a bachelorette party, and invited us all to her family’s beach house for a weekend. We were all able to drive to this location — except for the bride. We considered other locations, but the bride said she was excited about going to the beach and booked a plane ticket. We threw her a great bachelorette weekend and everyone had a wonderful time.
A week later we received an e-mail from the bride asking us to please remember to send her checks to cover the cost of her plane ticket. We were all really startled by this development — while we of course paid for the bride’s drinks, meals, and other expenses during the weekend, none of us had any idea that she thought we were paying for the plane ticket, too.
The maid of honor quickly managed to strike a compromise bargain where the bride paid for part of the ticket and we chipped in for the rest, but now I wonder if we missed out on some crucial point of bridesmaid etiquette. Is it generally expected that the bridal party pays for the bride’s travel to the bachelorette party? Were we bridesmaids cluelessly rude and behind the times? Or is this just a case of poor communication?
TWISTIE: My gut reaction? What the hell was the bride smoking?
NEVER TEH BRIDE: And where can we get some? Miscommunication… more like Miss Entitlement! Most bridesmaids end up laying out a phat wad of cash for showers and hen parties before the engagement period is up, and that’s before they start shopping for a wedding gift.
TWISTIE: A plane ticket to a party? Waaay too much to expect without prior agreement. This is one bride who needs to brush up on her basic etiquette. Emily Post, Peggy Post, Miss Manners, Letitia Baldridge… any reputable etiquette expert you care to consult will tell you that bachelorette parties and showers are optional events held at the discretion and according to the means of the MOH.
NEVER TEH BRIDE: The key word being optional. I opted not to have a bachelorette party, much to the disappointment of my stepmother and her relatives. I tried to opt out of my shower, too, but no one would let me. A bridal party is an all volunteer army! You can’t demand that they do anything!
TWISTIE: The bride knew she was going to have to travel well out of her way to get there. She chose to buy that plane ticket when she said yes to a faraway beach house bash. She didn’t mention anything about being reimbursed until she started demanding payment.
NEVER TEH BRIDE: The fact that the bridal party even had to come to a compromise demonstrates that the bridesmaids involved had a remarkable amount of tact and patience and the bride was, in fact, the clueless one. Now if you please, Twistie, lay it on the line for us.
TWISTIE: The bottomest of bottom lines? The guest of honor pays for her own transportation to the party, unless specific arrangements have been clearly made in advance.
NEVER TEH BRIDE: Which they clearly weren’t. I’d demand a refund.
