Manolo for the Brides

According to an article I found in a back issue of Symmetry, when physicists marry physicists the beginning may be a big bang…but real life reveals itself pretty quickly. I think that any time two people following the same career track get hitched, there are bound to be moments of tension. Of course, if you’re not physicists, the potential for big bang jokes drops dramatically.

And from The Great Geek Manual comes this list designed to help you discover whether you are indeed marrying a dyed in the wool geek.

10. You met him at a Con and were brought together by your love of CosPlay.

09. He proposes… through a Diggnation podcast, through a news forum, through a search engine, through a webcomic, through an XBox game, through the webcam in front of an Apple Store, or using an iPod.

08. He proposes with a ring… inscribed with amino acid chains, inscribed with binary, inscribed with the word soulbound, or made from serial connectors.

07. You hold your ceremony in game… in Azeroth, Gielinor, or MapleStory. And it counts double for especially obscure games, like FlyFF.

06. The Groomsmen are all wearing Stormtrooper helmets.

05. You hold the wedding in the real world, but on the bridge of the Enterprise … and the story of the wedding is recorded as an ebook or a movie.

04. The wedding cake is decorated with… is shaped like an iPhone, iPod mini, lines of programming, Nintendo, R2-D2, Xbox (or any video game console, really), or if it has a Super Mario Brothers or World of Warcraft theme.

03. You strike poses from classic sci-fi films for your wedding pictures.

02. He surprises you on your honeymoon with a cruise, during which you take computer classes.

01. He tries to talk you into giving your child a name straight out of World of Warcraft… and succeeds.

The one thing I don’t like about this list is that it assumes that the geek you’re marrying is of the XY persuasion. Why aren’t the bridesmaids wearing Stormtrooper helmets? If you think about it, half the items wouldn’t fly with a non-geeky bride. Item one hits home a little hard… I’m geeky, and The Beard is geeky. When we briefly considered choosing a new last name for both of us, he wanted to go with something like Mr. and Mrs. B. Optimus-Prime. That’s when I decided to take his last name.

What geeky thing did you do at your wedding?

For some odd reason, I love it when ugly and expensive collide. When I saw the link for ‘wedding dome’ in my bookmarks, I got a little excited. I bookmark so much stuff that I forget what half of it is, and I thought I might have found a company that rents collapsible geodesic domes instead of tents. Oh, how wrong I was.

Wedding dome referred to French wedding domes. A few hundred years back, the domes were used to present the wedding rings to French brides- and grooms-to-be and to store the garter (or some other piece of nuptial paraphernalia) after the wedding.

The dome you see before you is obviously an antique, and it seems the tradition of the wedding dome has not lived on into the present day. Pity, that. Ha ha, just kidding. Ormolu (i.e. gilt bronze) coupled with mirrors, velvet, and birdies under glass is just not my bag, baby.

If you want to make your own wedding dome and you’re crafty by nature, I can’t see it being that difficult. My Antique Mall has put together a short symbolism guide that can help you choose components.

Oak Leaves = Longevity of Union
Sheaves of Wheat = The gift of Life
Rectangular Mirrors = Years of Engagement
Diamond Shaped Mirrors = Fertility
Large Central Mirror = Reflection of the Soul
Clusters of Grapes = Prosperity
Roses or Daisies = Love
Cherries = Protection from Bad Fortune
Ivy = Attachment to each other
Chestnut Tree Leaves = Links to Others

But if you’d prefer to get married in a geodesic dome and you’re handy by nature, this site will help you build one.

A Curious Bridesmaid asks:

There was a… let’s say awkward situation I encountered during one of my many stints as a bridesmaid. The maid of honor at this particular wedding was really excited about throwing a bachelorette party, and invited us all to her family’s beach house for a weekend. We were all able to drive to this location — except for the bride. We considered other locations, but the bride said she was excited about going to the beach and booked a plane ticket. We threw her a great bachelorette weekend and everyone had a wonderful time.

A week later we received an e-mail from the bride asking us to please remember to send her checks to cover the cost of her plane ticket. We were all really startled by this development — while we of course paid for the bride’s drinks, meals, and other expenses during the weekend, none of us had any idea that she thought we were paying for the plane ticket, too.

The maid of honor quickly managed to strike a compromise bargain where the bride paid for part of the ticket and we chipped in for the rest, but now I wonder if we missed out on some crucial point of bridesmaid etiquette. Is it generally expected that the bridal party pays for the bride’s travel to the bachelorette party? Were we bridesmaids cluelessly rude and behind the times? Or is this just a case of poor communication?

TWISTIE: My gut reaction? What the hell was the bride smoking?

NEVER TEH BRIDE: And where can we get some? Miscommunication… more like Miss Entitlement! Most bridesmaids end up laying out a phat wad of cash for showers and hen parties before the engagement period is up, and that’s before they start shopping for a wedding gift.

TWISTIE: A plane ticket to a party? Waaay too much to expect without prior agreement. This is one bride who needs to brush up on her basic etiquette. Emily Post, Peggy Post, Miss Manners, Letitia Baldridge… any reputable etiquette expert you care to consult will tell you that bachelorette parties and showers are optional events held at the discretion and according to the means of the MOH.

NEVER TEH BRIDE: The key word being optional. I opted not to have a bachelorette party, much to the disappointment of my stepmother and her relatives. I tried to opt out of my shower, too, but no one would let me. A bridal party is an all volunteer army! You can’t demand that they do anything!

TWISTIE: The bride knew she was going to have to travel well out of her way to get there. She chose to buy that plane ticket when she said yes to a faraway beach house bash. She didn’t mention anything about being reimbursed until she started demanding payment.

NEVER TEH BRIDE: The fact that the bridal party even had to come to a compromise demonstrates that the bridesmaids involved had a remarkable amount of tact and patience and the bride was, in fact, the clueless one. Now if you please, Twistie, lay it on the line for us.

TWISTIE: The bottomest of bottom lines? The guest of honor pays for her own transportation to the party, unless specific arrangements have been clearly made in advance.

NEVER TEH BRIDE: Which they clearly weren’t. I’d demand a refund.

Yes, folks, it’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness!

Take a look at the photo below, and hit me with your best shot for it. When I return next Saturday, I will declare a winner. What fabulous prize do you win? Um…well…bragging rights, I guess. But it’s still fun to play.

Give me your best caption for this photo:

Best of luck to all of you!

Last week I discussed the question of wedding stress in general terms. All very well and good, but it didn’t contain much practical advice on how to cope when it starts seeming like too much. Well, that’s why I’m revisiting the topic today.

The sad fact is that there is no one-size-fits-all advice for this question because there are so many different potential stressors and so many different ways of coping with them. Still, there are some general notes that can be helpful in a wide variety of situations.

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Migraine today, ugh. I’d planned to post after doing some work, and then work never happened because I was in bed with an ice pack strapped to my forehead. Now I’m up with a fresher ice pack strapped to my forehead and still none too happy. Thanks, brain.

In lieu of a longer post, here is a picture of loveliness from Amsale. I love the way the fabric falls and the ultra skinny, ultra long straps. I love the little bit of sparkly mesh that peeks out just above the bum. But goodness help me, that loose flap of fabric just beneath it does so remind me of these:

I’ve never been too keen on those weddingish disposable cameras some brides and grooms leave for guests to muck around with. Last I checked, the pictures those things take turn out universally awful. Some people, not realizing why there are white and silver Kodaks littered around, snag them when they grab the centerpieces and linens and leftover chocolate strawberries as they make their exits.

But I do know a handful of people for whom disposable cameras saved the day (i.e. their wedding day) when photographers bailed, cameras broke, and conditions were simply not photographically favorable.

Kodak sells its flowery wedding disposables in 10-pack increments for $79.50, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you factor in the developing costs for 300 photos of Aunt Margo’s cleavage (as taken by your perverted third cousin), the reception hall floor, and half faces snapped by the children in attendance. How can you tell it was the kids? Each photo was shot at an extreme upward angle.

Kodak claims to have a digital option, but don’t be fooled. The Kodak Plus Digital One-Time-Use Camera is a regular disposable camera filled with film. What makes it “digital” is that they automatically give you a CD of your prints when you get your prints. If you opt to have your prints developed by Kodak rather than by the drug store, that is. Um, right.

If you want to stock your reception tables with real digital cameras for guests to play with, try YouShoot. They’ll send you a case full of cameras and a stack of instruction sheets that let guests know how to use the cameras plus how they can view the pics online after the wedding. Then you send them back, and YouShoot puts them up on a personal web site for you. Order prints directly from the company or download them for free. Guests can also upload their own photos to your YouShoot site so everyone’s snapshots see the light of day.

I think it’s a sharp idea. The cost is comparable to disposables plus developing, the site is registration free, and the resultant pics are less likely to be crap. Too bad YouShoot can’t guarantee that they’ll erase Aunt Margo’s cleavage before putting your photographs online.

That’s right–they’re all part of what you get when you combine weddings and Halloween! We’ve all seen (and some of us have even attended) the Halloween themed weddings where everyone comes in costume. The bride and groom usually dress up as something appropriately dark, like Dracula and his sexy she-vampire or Frankenstein’s monster and the bride of Frankenstein’s monster. Why is it that the lady characters always get shafted where actual identity is concerned? Do these creatures have names?

Anyway, as fun as it is to put a little Halloween in your wedding, October is the month to put a little wedding in your Halloween…that is, if the costume companies have anything to say about it. Me, I plan to dress up as a Rockette because I have kickline experience and saved all my costumes. I still fit into them, making “dancer” the de facto, go to costume every year. If you plan to dress up and don’t have a costume all ready to go, here are some extremely silly ideas thematically related to this blog.

Here’s one that’s new to me, the dead groom, as shown here with his dead bride:

If that’s not commercial enough for you, there’s always the official deluxe licensed and collectible Corpse Bride costume:
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We all want what we want when we want it, but I think there should be limits. For example, ask yourself what the appropriate level of financial compensation would be if your florist gave you pastel flowers rather than darker colored flowers. If you said $400,000, you have a friend in lawyer Elana Glatt. She’s suing the proverbial pants off of Posy Floral Design in Manhattan, according to the NYT, alleging that her $60,000 wedding was ruined when the florist substituted pastel pink and green hydrangeas for dark rust and green hydrangeas in the centerpieces.

[The florist] said that he and his wife had done their best to match the color of the hydrangeas with a picture Ms. Glatt had given them, but explained to her that because of the vagaries of nature and the lighting at the reception, the colors might not look exactly the same.

Glatt also alleges that the hydrangeas were wilted, brown, and displayed in dusty vases. Well, all right, wilted flowers don’t make for pretty centerpieces, but is that worth $400,000 in damages? The orchids and roses provided by the florist apparently looked cheap, leading to distress and embarrassment. And let’s not forget those irksome pastels!

“The use of predominantly pastel centerpieces had a significant impact on the look of the room and was entirely inconsistent with the vision the plaintiffs had bargained for,” Ms. Glatt, a lawyer who practices under the name Elana Elbogen, said in the lawsuit, which she filed on behalf of herself, her husband and her mother-in-law, Tobi Glatt, who paid for the flowers.

Glatt did request a $4,000 refund to recoup some of the $27,435.14 her MIL spent on the flowers, but the florist, incensed by the request, ignored it.

Your thoughts?