Go Millwall! (or Barnes or Beaconsfield or whatever)
By Never teh BrideK. wrote in to ask about wedding music, which is a topic I should probably get around to addressing more. Thus, I must be grateful to K. for providing me with an opportunity to do so. On to her question!
I’ve got a wedding question for you that’s equal parts opinion and experience. The question is this: For my wedding that’s coming up in three weeks, I want to walk down the aisle to Jerusalem by Hubert Parry. If you’re unfamiliar with it, a rather slow video of it being played on the piano can be found here. The problem is that my fiancé is from England and associates the song with (a) rugby matches and (b) Yorkshire coal miners. I wish I was making this up. He’s concerned that his family (all three of them who are attending, out of 100 guests) will think I’ve gone round the bend if I walk down the aisle to a “coal miner’s anthem.” My rebuttal is that the rest of the guests, being American, are utterly unfamiliar with Jerusalem in the first place and therefore won’t associate it with rugby or coal or anything else except “Ooh, pretty song!”
He’s agreed–albeit very reluctantly–to the song, but I need to know if I’m being a lunatic for wanting to have this song played at the wedding. I don’t want to make a total fool out of myself. You must have heard crazier songs for bridal entrances than an old English hymn, right? Your thoughts?
Well, K., if I was one of your guests, my reaction would indeed be “Ooh, pretty song,” because it is a pretty song and because I am an American wholly unfamiliar with Jerusalem. And as entrance songs are concerned, I have indeed heard of far crazier choices…the Pink Panther theme, for example. Heck, even the old standby “Dah-dum-da-dah” is a pretty crazy choice when you consider that the opera it hails from is more tragic than romantic.
The short answer is that you should walk down the aisle to the strains of whatever music you like best. I’d recommend shying away from dirty or profane songs, of course. And unless you’re having a kooky Halloween wedding, it’s probably best to steer clear of anything particular dark or unpleasant sounding.
But I would never suggest that you don’t play the music you like because three people at your wedding may decide you have a thing for coal miners. It’s a hymn, for cryin’ out loud. If you get any odd looks from your intended’s family, just tell them that you love a good rugby match. Pick a team before hand, and impress everyone by telling them how much you love an open scrum.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Besides, you never know. They might just as easily decide you’re a fan of Monty Python’s Flying Circus (the first place I heard Jerusalem used in several sketches as a parody).
I’m with NtB on this. Having heard of brides marching down the aisle to the Imperial March from Star Wars (think Darth Vader’s big entrance in the first film…as opposed to Episode One), every Star Trek theme, and Greensleeves (which, incidentally is more or less a laundry list of all the things a client bought a prostitute trying to get her to love him), Jerusalem doesn’t seem at all odd.
K’s fiance’s family may even take it as a compliment to their Britishness.
Either way, the tune is pretty and easy to make a good entrance to.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:10 pm
After a friend’s wife walked down the aisle to an orchestral version of Abba’s “Dancing Queen” (from the Muriel’s Wedding soundtrack) I have figured all bets are off.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Heh! My favorite movie soundtrack is from The Mission…so I walked down the aisle to this lovely music.
November 1st, 2007 at 5:52 pm
If I may discent from popular opinion - I think this is a “whatever you *and your husband to be* want issue, not a “whatever you want” issue. It’s not “three people at the wedding”, it’s HIS wedding, too! Your husband is DEFINITELY not exaggerating how strongly the song is associated with sports and coal miners. It’d be like walking down the aisle to God Bless America or the Star Spangled Banner- sure, it’s a pretty tune and it was something else before it was God Bless America, but it’ll always be about 4th of July parades and amber waves of grain.
You want your husband’s first glimpses of you in your dress, coming down the aisle to be timeless, romantic, uplifting - and if he’s subconsciously thinking of sweaty men in a scrum or Thatcher strikes, that’s going to be hard. There are a near infinite number of “pretty songs” - I’d suggest picking one that both you and your husband appreciate for it’s wedding appropriateness.
November 1st, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Great point, Tk! K. mentioned that her groom-to-be agreed (albeit reluctantly) to the song, which is why I didn’t push the issue in the other direction. If he was strongly opposed to the song because he associates it with something like mining or rugby, then it’s time to choose something else. But it sounds like he’s worried about what his relatives will think–and I always assume wiggle room when questions of family opinions come up.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 am
There are also plenty of other opportunities to play music at a wedding. The bride’s walk down the aisle is arguably the most important, but what about fitting the song in elsewhere?
I spent about five seconds trying to convince my (then fiance) to let me walk to the aisle to Queen’s rendition of “Here comes the bride” before realizing that wasn’t going to fly. It does hold a prominent place in the soundtrack on our wedding video, though.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:51 am
“Reluctantly agreed” sounds like kissing cousins to “strongly opposed.” Sounds like a man who is Not Happy With The Choice, but loves his bride-to-be. If it would be possible to compromise with another song for the church, and fitting this one in during another part of the wedding, it might be a good idea.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:29 pm
All I have to add is that your american friends might all wonder why you are playing the music from “Chariots of Fire” — it was played several times during that movie. Kinda conjures up a “running of the brides” image for me.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:31 pm
On the ball as always, La BellaDonna. I hope the bride weighs in after the wedding to let us know what she decided to do. It would be nice to find out whether his reluctant agreement was based on slight misgivings or a strong oppositional position.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:25 pm
What a magnificent hymn Jerusalem is! I love it, so it prompts me to delurk on the topic. Couldn’t it be used as a hymn during the service? It’s a pretty classic (rural-y English-y) wedding hymn, albeit for no apparent reason - maybe because it’s one of the few hymns that Christmas-and-Easter type Church of England people actually know?! But then that might just make everyone think of Four Weddings And A Funeral.
It might also be a bit weird to walk down the aisle while the choir sing (or everyone thinks), ‘And did those feet in ancient time walk upon England’s mountains green…’ - since it’s about Christ. There’s something just sort of off-key about the bride walking, while folk sing about Christ walking… hmm, doesn’t quite sit right. IMHO.
November 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am
I would be concerned about appearing insensitive to my in-laws. I mean, it’s essentially cherry-picking something out that has very particular cultural meaning just because “you like it”! Particularly when your dearest is a part of a foreign culture, you have to respect that some things, while pretty and appealing to you, mean something else that is (or might be) inappropriate for your wedding.
November 3rd, 2007 at 12:12 pm
[...] Never teh Bride… I’d recommend shying away from dirty or profane songs, of course. And unless you’re having a kooky Halloween wedding, it’s probably best to steer clear of anything particular dark or unpleasant sounding. [...]
November 5th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
K (the aforementioned bride) here.
People seemed a bit concerned, so I thought I’d let you all know that I did choose a different song out of respect for my husband and his parents. However, my alternate song choice is also somewhat “kooky” — a string quartet version of The Smiths’ “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want.” Nobody knew what it was except for me and the husband and everyone thought it was gorgeous, so it was a big hit all around.
The recessional was an even bigger hit, though — “All You Need Is Love” by the Beatles. That one got thunderous applause and was very well received.
November 5th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Way to go, K.! And congrats!
November 26th, 2007 at 11:11 am
I’m with Twistie… all I’d be able to think would be “I told you not to say mattress to Mr. Lambert, now I’ve got to stand in the tea chest.”