Rigid French Net Peek-a-Boo Babydoll — Requested (1) Purchased (0)
By Never teh BrideA. wrote in to ask this titillating question:
I want to have a “Boudoir Bridal Shower,” where my close friends and family shower me with lovely lingerie. I’d like to register for the items that I know will fit and flatter–what’s with all the alliteration–but none of the online department store registries will let me! Once I sign into my registry, all it lets me search for and add are the home items like towels, forks, oven mitts and the like. What is a girl to do? Do you know of any stores that let one register for lingerie? Will it make a difference if I go to the store in person?
At my bridal shower, one of my friends told me that when she was in her 20s, almost every bride would be given a hideously ugly peignoir set by her mother or grandmother. The assumption was that these brides would wear them on their wedding nights, but my friend maintains that most of them ended up stowed away in attics and in basements in their original, unopened packaging. People are so into vintage nowadays…makes me wonder how much you could get for one of those sets on eBay.
Anyhow, I don’t think I’d have the constitution necessary to survive a lingerie shower without dying from embarrassment. I can just imagine the sorts of silly things my friends and relations would pick out for me…especially the more, er, open minded ones. Could I wear something sexy my grannie bought with any degree of seriousness? Would the influx of undies weird The Beard out? I think it would weird me out.
But lingerie showers are growing in popularity as people awaken to the notion that pretty underthings don’t necessarily have to be uncomfortable. To register for lingerie, go to an actual lingerie shop instead of trying to get around outdated department store regulations. Secrets in Lace has a gift registry, though their selection is relatively limited. Victoria’s Secret lets you make a wish list you can share. Then, of course, there is Frederick’s, if you’re looking for something saucier.
All you really need to do is search for “lingerie registry” using Google, as that will help you find scads of online shops that will hook you up. Or you could use an online registry like Felicite, which lets you register for almost anything.
EDIT: Some folks have commented that A. shouldn’t be dictating her own shower’s theme, and these folks are absolutely correct. The individual or individuals hosting the shower should always be in charge of the details…not the bride-to-be herself. However, I opted not to bring that up in my original answer because I simply don’t know if A. is trying to inappropriately take the reigns. Perhaps A.’s MOH asked her directly what sort of shower she’d like to have, which happens more often than you’d think.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:08 am
My sweet SIL had one of these type things thrown for her by a well meaning bridesmaid. My MIL asked me to pick out something for her to give because she said she didn’t want the wedding night spoiled by the words “Your mother picked it out for me.”
November 14th, 2007 at 11:58 am
I went to a wedding shower once where a very straitlaced bride was given almost nothing but lingerie – and really racy stuff in colors that would look hideous on her – by nearly every guest. Her relief was palpable when she opened up the set of ice cream dishes I gave her. It wasn’t a lingerie shower. There wasn’t a theme, but package after package was filled with extremely abbreviated undies in Pepto Bismal pink and a shade of dark teal that made the bride look as though she’d been beaten black and blue just from being in the same room.
This for a woman who wore floor-length flannel nighties until the mercury hit eighty!
One etiquette note for the original asker: since you want a lingerie shower, I hope you get one…but the form of the party is up to the host rather than the guest of honor. If your MOH asks, tell her what you’d like. Feel free to hint broadly, too. But if the party winds up being devoted to cookware or doesn’t have a theme at all, be prepared to accept and enjoy the party thrown for you to the best of your ability.
Me? I was sort of relieved that nobody gave me lingerie.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Lingerie showers can be great fun if done right. And by “done right,” I mean “NO mothers/mothers-in-law/grandmothers/anyone else who you’d be embarassed to open lingerie in front of or receive it from invited.”
Also, who demands their own shower? And their own “type” of shower? Slow up, missy! Let your friends/bridesmaids determine the shower festivities, and be gracious and thankful for their efforts.
That said, I hope you get some fun lingerie!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Okay, wait a minute: since when did a bride-to-be decide on what kind of shower she wants, and get to dictate those wants to OTHER PEOPLE?! I thought even the bride’s immediate relatives are not supposed to throw here a shower, but that it has to be done by someone else.
If we’re truly at the point where brides choose what kind of shower they want and tell people what to buy for them, we’re all in big trouble.
I didn’t even know anyone was throwing me a shower till the day before it happened. I feel so thrilled and blessed to have been given a bridal shower at all. The gifts, while nice, are secondary to the love and joy that surrounds you. But, no-one’s going to feel all that loving or joyful if you tell them what to do and what to get you, for your shower, of all things.
I don’t even want to know what such a person’s wedding registry is like!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
You’re entirely right, Anusha, so I’m going to edit the post so no one gets the idea that I’m advocating this sort of thing. Unfortunately, more and more brides-to-be are stepping in to dictate what sort of showers they want because they see it on TV or some web site says it’s all right.
But I’m not going pass judgment because for all I know, A.’s MOH asked her directly what kind of shower she wanted. Some bridesmaids do decide to let the b2b choose for whatever reason.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
If the MOH (or whoever else) asks what type of shower would be good, then I do agree that the bride can let her know what she likes. In fact, I think this is a very good idea. When my mother and I threw a shower, we asked the bride-to-be’s friends and relatives (since we wanted the shower to be a surprise) what she really likes, in terms of little housewares, hobby stuff, interests, etc. She really likes candles, so we threw her a candle shower, where everyone got her nice candles for her home.
But, you can’t compel people to get specific things for you, whether it’s for a shower or even your wedding. If you don’t like the gifts you get, you can always discreetly return or exchange them.
I just think all that really matters is that your friends care about you enough to throw you a shower, at all. Just the fact that they’re getting together to celebrate your upcoming marriage is such a wonderful thing. At the risk of sounding really corny, I think that’s truly the best gift of all.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
Aw, that’s not corny! You’re absolutely in the right. The Beard and I didn’t register for gifts, though we did give my mom and gram some ideas they could pass along if anyone asked. We received money, mainly, but we were delighted by the gifts people picked out. In fact, I ended up receiving some gifts I would never in a million years have registered for, and now those gifts are among my favorite possessions.
Of course, I’ve known some people who get utterly miffed when a couple DOESN’T have a registry because it means they have to think up a gift and they run the risk of getting something the couple already has.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
It is also possible to make an Amazon.com wishlist. That is what we are doing for my sister’s shower. Her’s will be honeymoon theme, which I decided on as the MOH, but I ran it by her for approval, and if she’d said “I’d rather have a lingerie shower instead” I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I think NtB is right that a lot of bridesmaids ask the brides what kind of shower they would like, because we are their bridesmaids and we want them to be happy. If you ask me, throwing a shy, uncomfortable person a lingerie shower or throwing a person who can’t boil water a kitchen shower because its what you think you should do is just plain rude.
She requested to keep it not-old people, but I vetoed that because my mother and aunts will all be hurt if they don’t get invited. So instead, any lingerie will be opened at the bachelorette party, which takes care of the discomfort.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
I think it’s possible to tell your bridal party what you like without registering for the exact items. During my most recent stint as a bridesmaid, we threw the bride a lingerie shower at the bachelorette party, and the bride (at our request) sent us her sizes and gave us some idea of the colors and cuts she likes (e.g. no animal prints or itchy lace). Plus, a lot of the nicest lingerie tends to be sold in small boutiques — limiting your friends to places with online registries could mean you miss out on some beautiful and unique items.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:53 am
What really stands out to me is that A needs to remember two things:
1) showers are not mandatory
2) registries and the items on them are not either
Gifts are NEVER an actual requirement. The moment they are, they become a tithe and not a gift, no?
And if someone wants to get a gift, they are not required to use a registry to do so.
Nor are they required to host/throw a shower in order to give said gift.
November 15th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
I was very blessed to have 3 showers, 2 kitchen showers thrown by both sides of my husband’s family, and a lingerie shower/bachelorette perty thrown by my sister who was my MOH. For the kitchen showers they went off our wedding registries for gifts. For the lingerie they just had my sizes. My MOH checked very carefully with me on who I wanted there so that I would be comfortable. She was really thoughtful about it. There was still some embarassment but it was all in good fun and I was able to get a lot of things I couldn’t have afforded on my own. Honestly, I’m not a fan of doing things simply because that’s how they’re always been done. 2 out of the 3 people who threw the showers asked what I wanted. If they hadn’t, I know them well enough and they know me well enough that I would have felt comfortable asking if they’d be okay with it having a specific theme without worrying that they think I’m being overbearing. Also, I’m pretty easy to fit things to, but I can understand if someone is having a lingerie shower, and has trouble getting things to fit, wanting to register for specific sizes. Lingerie is one thing you need to feel comfortable and beautiful in. It might be easier to simply go to a place like Victoria’s Secret and figure what sizes in their line fits the best. Ultimately, no matter what, the shower itself is a huge blessing and as wonderful as the gifts are, it’s the time with people who care about me that I will remember the most.
November 15th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Sounds like you had some lovely showers, Dianasaur! When are we gonna get to see some more of your wedding pics
November 18th, 2007 at 1:59 pm
I don’t think lingerie showers are a good thing. I buy my own underwear and lingerie myself thank you very much and wouldn’t want anyone else to pick them. Odds are they’ll pick the wrong size, cut and colour