“The dress of the bridegroom is regulated by that chosen by the bride; if she wears a white veil, he is expected to appear in black trousers, dress coat, which may be either black or blue, white waistcoat, and white cravat; or, if a naval or military person, in full uniform. If the bride should prefer to wear a bonnet, the bridegroom should put on a frock-coat of black, brown, or other tasteful color, and light-colored waistcoat and trousers.”

from: “The Bazar Book of Decorum.
The care of the Person, Manners, Etiquette, and Ceremonials.” 1873

It’s no longer 1873, but to this day, the bride generally determines what the groom wears – at least to some extent – and the groom has minimal leeway as to what that is. Chances are he’s going to wear either a black tux or a dark suit unless he’s in the military, in which case he wears his dress uniform. If he’s of a Scottish or Irish background, he may choose to wear a kilt. Unless you’re willing to buck every trend going, that’s about the limit, though, and how far the groom may stray from the standard is usually determined by what the bride chooses to wear.

Still, there are options for the fashion-forward groom who wants to show due decorum and still have a bit of personal pizzazz. Take, for instance, this handsome stand-up collar tux from Jean Yves Mirage:

Better yet, I’ll take it and put it on Mr. Twistie.

See you later. Much later!

Friday, November 16 was a big day on BBC Radio 4. It marked the golden wedding anniversary of radio soap couple Phil and Jill Archer on The Archers. Fifty years ago, widower Phil tied the knot with Jill after meeting her at a village fete. While their children have struggled with romantic relationships, Phil and Jill remain constant and devoted. Not only that, they’re still played by the original actors.

Also in the world of imaginary couples on British soaps, Jack and Vera Duckworth on the long-running TV series Coronation Street are also set to celebrate fifty years of marriage. But it might be considered cheating on one level, since the characters didn’t appear on the show until the 1970s.

It’s nice to know some marriages last, despite the fact they don’t even exist.

In the real world of marriage, actress Sarah Michelle Gellar has taken her husband’s name as a five year anniversary gift, UPI announced yesterday. She will now be known as Sarah Michelle Prinze, which is a major step in Hollywood marriages. A source ‘close to the actress’ told USA Weekly:

“On their anniversary, she showed (Freddie) her new driver’s license. It was so sweet.”

I’m sure it was.

On the other hand, fourteen and a half years later, I still have a different last name from Mr. Twistie, and we’re still going very strong.

Does anyone reeeeaaaaaally need a custom hand-painted aisle runner? No. But they’re still kind of cool.

Truth be told, I was not aware that this sort of thing existed when I tied the knot. I thought all the aisle runners out there were plain ol’ white plastic! It’s too bad, because I definitely would have bought a pretty cloth one from Artistic Aisles, all monogrammed and painted with flowers.

Then again, at $300 bucks for a 75-foot-long runner in a “designer color,” maybe it’s better that I didn’t stumble onto these until after I was officially hitched. Have you bought a runner? How much did it, er, run you?

Can I just tell you that I need to find someone willing to give me 7,500 AUD? Oh, and plane fare to Australia so I can go to my fittings. Plus maybe a time machine. The heart stopping gown you see before you was not created for a bride–though Culture Shock does create one-of-a-kind bridal gowns. Yet if I could go back in time and redo my wedding, I would find some way to wear this very gown. I’d have to redo all my colors and my decor, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice!

A. wrote in to ask this titillating question:

I want to have a “Boudoir Bridal Shower,” where my close friends and family shower me with lovely lingerie. I’d like to register for the items that I know will fit and flatter–what’s with all the alliteration–but none of the online department store registries will let me! Once I sign into my registry, all it lets me search for and add are the home items like towels, forks, oven mitts and the like. What is a girl to do? Do you know of any stores that let one register for lingerie? Will it make a difference if I go to the store in person?

At my bridal shower, one of my friends told me that when she was in her 20s, almost every bride would be given a hideously ugly peignoir set by her mother or grandmother. The assumption was that these brides would wear them on their wedding nights, but my friend maintains that most of them ended up stowed away in attics and in basements in their original, unopened packaging. People are so into vintage nowadays…makes me wonder how much you could get for one of those sets on eBay.

Anyhow, I don’t think I’d have the constitution necessary to survive a lingerie shower without dying from embarrassment. I can just imagine the sorts of silly things my friends and relations would pick out for me…especially the more, er, open minded ones. Could I wear something sexy my grannie bought with any degree of seriousness? Would the influx of undies weird The Beard out? I think it would weird me out.

But lingerie showers are growing in popularity as people awaken to the notion that pretty underthings don’t necessarily have to be uncomfortable. To register for lingerie, go to an actual lingerie shop instead of trying to get around outdated department store regulations. Secrets in Lace has a gift registry, though their selection is relatively limited. Victoria’s Secret lets you make a wish list you can share. Then, of course, there is Frederick’s, if you’re looking for something saucier.

All you really need to do is search for “lingerie registry” using Google, as that will help you find scads of online shops that will hook you up. Or you could use an online registry like Felicite, which lets you register for almost anything.

EDIT: Some folks have commented that A. shouldn’t be dictating her own shower’s theme, and these folks are absolutely correct. The individual or individuals hosting the shower should always be in charge of the details…not the bride-to-be herself. However, I opted not to bring that up in my original answer because I simply don’t know if A. is trying to inappropriately take the reigns. Perhaps A.’s MOH asked her directly what sort of shower she’d like to have, which happens more often than you’d think.

Most people consider divorce one of the most solemn and serious rites of passage. It’s a new beginning that is tainted by a traumatic ending. I say “most people” because I just know that someone is out there right now ordering a tiny coffin for their now defunct wedding band. Personally, I don’t think divorce itself is particularly humorous, though I will occasionally chuckle at impulsive Hollywood weddings followed by speedy Hollywood divorces.

I honestly would not be surprised if this sort of thing starts to catch on. As The Boomer Blog so aptly put it, “For marketers this serves as a revelation: the wedding industry is a gloriously profitable one. Why not create a divorce industry—tailored to boomers who are going through the difficult but ultimately freeing divorce passageway and might appreciate a little levity.”

Last year, someone named Shanna Moakler got in on the action. Her claim to fame was apparently being married to Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker. Like that cake? It’s the divorce cake she chopped into delicious edible bits at her divorce party as a means of finding closure. Back in my day–I’m 28, can I have a day?–closure was the product of a lot of crying, a lot of money, a lot of paperwork, and a few tubs of very expensive ice cream.

So what’s going to be the next hot item in the novelty divorce market? Perhaps the ex-husband voodoo doll? Humorous sweatshirts? Cheeky breakup care packages? Only time will tell…

Every now and again, I get a book to review. It’s one of the perks of this gig–no one is sending me free designer wedding dresses to review, so I have to content myself with books about weddings. Sometimes those books are fiction, which is great because I love a good story. Once in a great blue while, I’m actually surprised by what I get.

So what was so surprising about Janice Thompson‘s Gone With the Groom? It’s a Christian wedding mystery. Somewhere along the PR line, I either failed to notice that the book is from a Christian imprint (Barbour Publishing) or the public relations jockeys failed to tell me. Not that it matters much to me whether a book is Christian, Islamic, or pro-FSM–I’ll read just about anything.

If you like a really lighthearted mystery novel with lots of references to the big G, you’ll probably get a kick out of this book. If, however, you’d prefer something a little darker and more realistic, I’d advise you to look elsewhere. This book has got plenty of sugar and you may just get a cavity if you’re not used to the brand of storytelling where everyone loves each other and proclaims it loudly and proudly, all the flippin’ time.

The big problem with the story is that it’s convoluted. The titular groom disappears two weeks before the wedding, and no one who knows him can believe that it’s just cold feet. Enter Annie, MOB and crack amateur detective…for some reason, everyone in town spills their guts when she comes a’callin with her notepad. She has her theories about who’s to blame for the groom’s absence: the big pharma company, the groom’s own deadbeat dad, the shifty local photog, and the MOG’s “political enemies.”

Why the scare quotes? Well, I’m hard pressed to believe that a local paper from one of Atlanta, GA’s suburbs is going to send a reporter all the way up to the snowy north to tail a woman running for town council. I’ve been a local paper reporter…they won’t even give us overtime to cover the city council elections, much less chase candidates up and down the coast.

It’s pretty obvious from the start who the culprit is…just look for the most stereotypically suspicious character and you can’t help but guess right. You’ll have to suspend your disbelief with a system of complex pulleys if you intended to sit down and enjoy this book. I’ll state for the record that I’m no big mystery fan, but I’m plenty able to identify the plot holes a’plenty in Gone With the Groom. I won’t say don’t buy it–it’s a fun little story. It just could have been a lot better.