Comments on: Grill ‘em before you wed ‘em http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:43:49 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Dianasaur http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151582 Dianasaur Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:19:17 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151582 That's so great. When my husband and I knew we were heading towards marriage we asked his mom to come up with some questions for us to think about. We really respect his parents' marriage and how they raised their kids. It helped us to think about several things that might not even have come up in our pre-marital counseling. That’s so great. When my husband and I knew we were heading towards marriage we asked his mom to come up with some questions for us to think about. We really respect his parents’ marriage and how they raised their kids. It helped us to think about several things that might not even have come up in our pre-marital counseling.

]]> By: Twistie http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151569 Twistie Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:56:01 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151569 Yep, NtB. Mr. Twistie is fully digitalized. It allows him to be his own producer and engineer, which works for us. Yep, NtB. Mr. Twistie is fully digitalized. It allows him to be his own producer and engineer, which works for us.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151562 Never teh Bride Fri, 21 Dec 2007 00:01:44 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151562 Mr. Twistie has a home studio? The Beard is working on his! Mr. Twistie has a home studio? The Beard is working on his!

]]> By: Fenny http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151561 Fenny Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:47:09 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151561 For me, "Do you snore?" and "Are you willing to take steps to prevent your snoring?" are very much top of the list, followed by "If not, do you mind if I am *very* grumpy all the time due to lack of sleep?". Work, kids, chores are all secondary to me getting enough decent kip so that I don't turn into a homicidal maniac. For me, “Do you snore?” and “Are you willing to take steps to prevent your snoring?” are very much top of the list, followed by “If not, do you mind if I am *very* grumpy all the time due to lack of sleep?”.

Work, kids, chores are all secondary to me getting enough decent kip so that I don’t turn into a homicidal maniac.

]]> By: Twistie http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151548 Twistie Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:51:17 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151548 I think there are several things every couple should discuss in depth before marrying: 1: Money (how you get it, how you spend it, how/whether you will merge it, who decides in a deadlock, what assets will be kept separate, etc.). Money sqabbles are one of the leading reasons people decide in the end to file for divorce rather than try to work things out. Don't let that happen to you. 2: Children. If one of you says no to having kids and the other says heck yeah, then you're automatically in trouble. Never assume the other will change his/her mind. If you both say yes, you still need to talk about parenting choices, finances, whether to send the little one(s) to public or private school, when to start trying to have a baby, and so on. If you both say no, the question of a permanent form of birth control arises. 3: Religion. Do you believe? What do you believe? How similar do you need your spouse's beliefs to be to yours? What role will religion play in your lives? If one of you is still searching for answers, will the other still be there at the end of the journey if (s)he doesn't find the same answers you did? If you have different religious beliefs and plan to have children, what faith will you raise them in? How will you answer their questions when they start asking why you don't go to the same house of worship? Is one of you willing to convert? 4: Extra-curricular activities and personal quirks. Don't laugh. I know a marriage that has suffered greatly because he can't understand and won't respect that she loves to read, and so needs books in her life. As for me, I told Mr. Twistie right upfront that if he loved me, he was going to have cats in his life. He told me if I loved him, I had to be able to deal with his rock band and home studio. Luckily, I love music, he's fond of cats, and the last cat that adopted me thinks all music is great...except accordians which terrify him. All three of us are delighted with the arrangement, but it wouldn't suit everyone. I think there are several things every couple should discuss in depth before marrying:

1: Money (how you get it, how you spend it, how/whether you will merge it, who decides in a deadlock, what assets will be kept separate, etc.). Money sqabbles are one of the leading reasons people decide in the end to file for divorce rather than try to work things out. Don’t let that happen to you.
2: Children. If one of you says no to having kids and the other says heck yeah, then you’re automatically in trouble. Never assume the other will change his/her mind. If you both say yes, you still need to talk about parenting choices, finances, whether to send the little one(s) to public or private school, when to start trying to have a baby, and so on. If you both say no, the question of a permanent form of birth control arises.
3: Religion. Do you believe? What do you believe? How similar do you need your spouse’s beliefs to be to yours? What role will religion play in your lives? If one of you is still searching for answers, will the other still be there at the end of the journey if (s)he doesn’t find the same answers you did? If you have different religious beliefs and plan to have children, what faith will you raise them in? How will you answer their questions when they start asking why you don’t go to the same house of worship? Is one of you willing to convert?
4: Extra-curricular activities and personal quirks. Don’t laugh. I know a marriage that has suffered greatly because he can’t understand and won’t respect that she loves to read, and so needs books in her life. As for me, I told Mr. Twistie right upfront that if he loved me, he was going to have cats in his life. He told me if I loved him, I had to be able to deal with his rock band and home studio. Luckily, I love music, he’s fond of cats, and the last cat that adopted me thinks all music is great…except accordians which terrify him. All three of us are delighted with the arrangement, but it wouldn’t suit everyone.

]]> By: JaneC http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151514 JaneC Thu, 20 Dec 2007 17:16:28 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151514 For me, it was the issue of religion. My dad didn't go to church with my mom and I when I was a kid, and I didn't ever want to deal with my kids asking the questions that I asked as a child. My religion is a huge part of my life, so after high school I just didn't date guys who weren't on the same page as I was. Result? I've married the church organist. He'll definitely be there every Sunday! (Thankfully he also cooks, does laundry, and is willing to move if I get a job somewhere else, since my profession is more limited in terms of location than his.) For me, it was the issue of religion. My dad didn’t go to church with my mom and I when I was a kid, and I didn’t ever want to deal with my kids asking the questions that I asked as a child. My religion is a huge part of my life, so after high school I just didn’t date guys who weren’t on the same page as I was. Result? I’ve married the church organist. He’ll definitely be there every Sunday! (Thankfully he also cooks, does laundry, and is willing to move if I get a job somewhere else, since my profession is more limited in terms of location than his.)

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151508 Never teh Bride Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:52:08 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151508 Way to go, Abby! Sometimes it pays to say what you need to say. Way to go, Abby! Sometimes it pays to say what you need to say.

]]> By: Abby http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/comment-page-1/#comment-151502 Abby Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:35:21 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2007/12/20/grill-em-before-you-wed-em/#comment-151502 In the relationship I had right before meeting my husband, I was totally in denial about some major differences between me and Mr. Not-Right, and I stayed in the relationship far longer than I should have. So when I actually met The Right One, I announced on our second date, "I don't want kids and my job keeps me in New York, so if either of those things is a problem for you, let's not start." Fortunately for me, he was impressed rather than appalled by my forcefulness :). In the relationship I had right before meeting my husband, I was totally in denial about some major differences between me and Mr. Not-Right, and I stayed in the relationship far longer than I should have. So when I actually met The Right One, I announced on our second date, “I don’t want kids and my job keeps me in New York, so if either of those things is a problem for you, let’s not start.” Fortunately for me, he was impressed rather than appalled by my forcefulness :) .

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