In Sickness and In Health

Every now and again, a story comes along that really exemplifies what a good marriage is. The December 20th edition of the Yellow Springs News Online brings us one of these tales in their profile of Ed and Nancy Vernot. Ed and Nancy have not let a little thing like her incapacitating stroke and subsequent move to a nursing home stop them having a marriage many would envy.

In 1964, when Nancy was a stay at home mom to five kids ranging in age from 3 to 15, she suffered a life-threatening stroke. With time and a lot of help from friends and family, Nancy recovered most of her abilities and the couple was able to pull through. Over the years, they indulged their love of travel whenever possible, visiting every state in the Union except Alaska and taking vacations in Europe as well.

When they retired in 1998, it seemed they were going to be able to spend much of their time on the road seeing the world. Unfortunately, that’s when Nancy suffered a subdural hematoma which led to the gradual loss of use of all her limbs. Ed took up the challenge and cared for her at home until Nancy had a second severe stroke in 2006.

It wasn’t easy for Ed to accept that Nancy’s physical challenges were beyond his ability to handle, but eventually he moved her into the Friends Care Community Extended Living Center.

While Nancy lives in the facility and Ed doesn’t, he spends most of every day with her. He has brought many of their treasures to the nursing home to decorate her room. He reads to her daily from The New York Times, National Geographic, or a favorite book. They join in the trivia games in the recreation room after dinner.

“Before she came here we were together all the time,” he said. “Now we’re still together.”

Ed and Nancy met on a blind date where Ed immediately fell for Nancy’s independant spirit. They were married a few years later.

Today, Nancy may be in need of constant medical care, but she and Ed refuse to feel sorry for themselves. Ed says it’s just life.

“I never looked upon them as being unusual problems,” he said. “I always looked at life as the present circumstances and how best to deal with them. I don’t dwell or think about how things could be different.”

Perhaps that’s the secret. Every life has problems, and each marriage has its share of hiccoughs. We all face tests in life and love. Perhaps it’s that ability to accept what is without anger or self-pity that allows us to face the tests and come through whole on the other side.

Whatever the answer, Ed and Nancy Vernot certainly seem to have discovered the secret. For sixty years, it’s allowed them to face whatever life has thrown at them with grace. May we all find that grace in our own lives and marriages.