In my most humble opinion, there are far too many bridal books out there that push the “princess for a day” message. La la la, it’s your day, don’t worry about your budget, your loved ones, or something as silly as, say, the weather. Oh, and if you don’t feel a sense of perfect bliss as you tie the knot, you’ve obviously done something very wrong.

Um, yuck? If you know a bride-to-be who’s just a little sick of all the hype, do her a favor and present her one of the books below the next time she shows up on your doorstep because she needs to rant about how she feels alienated by the ubergirly bridal guides her FMIL gave her for her birthday.

Or maybe you’re a bride-to-be who needs a little help going green or wants to hear from an expert that, yes, it’s okay to buck tradition. After all, getting hitched is a rite of passage…not an all-purpose excuse to toss common sense out the window or go megashopping.

Of course, if you don’t fancy any of the books above, you’ll just have to wait until June when my book comes out!

If you want to get married at the Lyndale United Church of Christ…you can’t.

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Last week I presented you all with this photograph:
and asked you to give me captions. You came through with great enthusiasm. There were more than twenty responses – six of them from Carol Herman alone! There were references to Star Wars, The Ring, Frankenstein, the Statue of Liberty, Carol Burnett, Little Bo Peep and even the previous caption contest. You did not make choosing a winner easy by any means.

But a winner there must be, and there can be only one. That winner is de for this priceless gem of a caption:

Porcupatta, high priestess of wedding lace and doilies, is not amused.

Congratulations, de! And thanks to everyone who played.

Months and months ago, I wrote a post that featured snapshots from a camo wedding taken one step too far, and I still stand by my original sentiment that there can be too much of a good thing. That said, I do rather like this Erika Sarkozi gown.

I don’t know that I’d take this gown and pair it with camo bridesmaid dresses, camo suits, and camo decor, but it could work as a sort of centerpiece. When I first saw it, I really couldn’t tell what the pattern was, though I did raise an eyebrow at the color scheme. If I were designing a wedding around this gown, I think I’d use a lot of white, a little green, and a tiny touch of subdued orange that referenced blaze orange in only the most oblique way.

How would you design around this gown?

There are fabulous period reproductions out there for the bride who wants to clothe herself a little differently. Revamp Vintage is just one of the sites that will set you up with a gown from the 10s (as shown), 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s. I pretty much want every single piece of clothing on the site. As for the dress above, the Revamp Vintage describes the wedding dresses of the 10s like so:

Most wedding dresses were very elaborate, and fabrics included satin, silk, and chiffon. Net lace with embroidery or beading was also highly favored. Some dresses had long, trailing panels that formed a train. Trimming for the wedding dress usually included a sash or girdle fastened around the waistline. Also worn with the dress was a long flowing veil of net secured at the back of the head with either a headband or “shower cap” made from veiling and adorned with flowers.

Sounds good to me, though I’ll admit that I know very little on the subject. Feel free to weigh in if vintage duds are your area of expertise. I’ve put Accessorizing The Bride: Vintage Wedding Finery Through The Decades and Your Vintage Wedding: Unique Ideas and Inspiration for Today’s Bride on my holiday wish lists, but who knows if I’ll get lucky. Both are great gifts for the bride (or former bride) enamored by all things vintage!

A foreign groom. A whirlwind love affair in a far off country. A young bride so in love. Sounds like a recipe for your standard romance flick, right? The problem is that the real world is no movie set and some decisions are harder to unmake than others.

The story of Cumbrian newlywed Amy Robson can be a sweet one or a kind of scary one depending on how you frame it. According to the Daily Mail, the 18-year-old bride ran away to Egypt to meet up with a married boatman she’d met on a family holiday a year prior. When he stood her up, she attached herself to an unmarried Internet cafe manager named Noby. She can’t speak Arabic, and he can only speak a tiny bit of English, but that didn’t put a damper on their infatuation.

It still sounds pretty exciting! They’d planned to marry quickly, but Amy’s parents tricked her into coming home to England. That couldn’t stop her, though… She used the meager pocket money she was given to buy a plane ticket back to Egypt. Noby had moved on, but she tracked him down, and their love had transcended the absence they’d both endured. The two lovebirds tied the knot lickety-split, over what I imagine were Amy’s parents’ objections.

But here’s where this love story dips into darker territory: Noby took Amy’s passport from her. He also doesn’t want her to work, which means that she will have to spend her days indoors with other married women. She can’t even walk around without Noby at her side because it’s considered improper and she attracts a lot of attention with her fair skin and blond hair.

I’m not one to poo-poo anyone’s choices…after all, it’s Amy’s life to do with what she pleases. But what sane woman gives up her passport?

A certain Jason wasn’t satisfied with the usual getting-down-on-one-knee routine and wanted to do something really showy when he proposed to his ladyfriend Maui. In a move that definitely falls under the veil of Twistie’s public proposal rules, Jason sought out the aid of graphic novel guru Neil Gaiman, who was scheduled to do a signing at a local convention center.

One late night, I went to the “Ask Neil” portion of his blog and wrote a rather long e-mail about how I planned to propose, and if he could find some time in his busy sched and play a small part (understatement of the year) in it. I did this well knowing that the e-mail would probably discarded along with the thousands of messages he gets every day.But two days later, a reply from his assistant:

“Hi Jason,I am sure we can help with this, give me a bit to make sure of his schedule…”

After two weeks of back and forth with assistants and bookish people, the details were sufficiently ironed out. Jason even had a nice chat with Gaiman–the creator of Sandman is on the phone? *faint* When it was time to put the whole plan into effect, the entire employ of the convention center was in on it, and everything went off without a hitch. Well, almost.

Maui actually failed to notice Neil’s dedication because she was so starstruck. It took him about three times to actually get her to read the darn thing.

Maui (squealing, closing the book): Thanks!!!

Neil: Aren’t you going to read what I wrote? You have to read it..

Maui (opening the book, shrugging, then closing it again): Thanks!!!

Me: You have to read the dedication…

And she bent over to give Neil a kiss, STILL not noticing what was going on.

Neil: You really have to read this…

But then Maui finally cracked that book, and being that Jason knew her well, she said an enthusiastic, “YES!” I want to offer up a hearty round of congratulations to Jason and Maui, and then ask you who your ultimate celebrity proposal helper would be. Or perhaps you think using the assistance of a famous individual is a bit depersonalizing?