Comments on: There’s the potential for controversy everywhere you turn http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/ Manolo Loves the Brides! Wed, 17 Mar 2010 23:07:37 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Mika http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-154041 Mika Thu, 10 Jan 2008 10:41:56 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-154041 Personally, I think most new wedding ideas are pretty cool. It all boils down to what's right for the couple. The only one that sounds odd to me is the “man of honor/best woman” concept. Isn't the bride's "man of honor" the groom? Shouldn't the groom's "best woman" be the bride? I think it's neat for a wedding to have unisex bride and groom attendants, but having someone else be the "man of honor" or "best woman" *besides* the person you're marrying....it doesn't seem like a good sign. Personally, I think most new wedding ideas are pretty cool. It all boils down to what’s right for the couple. The only one that sounds odd to me is the “man of honor/best woman” concept.

Isn’t the bride’s “man of honor” the groom? Shouldn’t the groom’s “best woman” be the bride? I think it’s neat for a wedding to have unisex bride and groom attendants, but having someone else be the “man of honor” or “best woman” *besides* the person you’re marrying….it doesn’t seem like a good sign.

]]> By: Nony Mouse http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153644 Nony Mouse Mon, 07 Jan 2008 22:15:54 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153644 I've worn black as a member of a wedding party twice - once as a bridesmaid, once as the groom's honor attendant (the bride approved of me getting the same style dresses as her attendants, but in black). And there were scads of 'little black dress' styles on guests at my (evening, formal) wedding; I think two people asked if I minded black, but there's a large group of friends that talked... basically, the rule I had was 'if it looks like a fun cocktail dress, it is a fun cocktail dress; if it looks like you're in mourning and have black netting on a hat, we need to talk.' Based on what I saw, I think it was fine for a wedding or gala event, but I might have been miffed at what they were wearing if it was a funeral. I’ve worn black as a member of a wedding party twice – once as a bridesmaid, once as the groom’s honor attendant (the bride approved of me getting the same style dresses as her attendants, but in black). And there were scads of ‘little black dress’ styles on guests at my (evening, formal) wedding; I think two people asked if I minded black, but there’s a large group of friends that talked… basically, the rule I had was ‘if it looks like a fun cocktail dress, it is a fun cocktail dress; if it looks like you’re in mourning and have black netting on a hat, we need to talk.’ Based on what I saw, I think it was fine for a wedding or gala event, but I might have been miffed at what they were wearing if it was a funeral.

]]> By: Tizzy http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153296 Tizzy Sat, 05 Jan 2008 00:52:16 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153296 I'm another city-girl who thinks black at weddings is tacky. You should never wear it as a guest unless you're sure of the brides feelings on it and for bridesmaids dresses it's dull and funereal. Most of my flack will come from my in-laws who nearly had twin brain aneurysms when their younger daughter decided to have alcohol at her wedding. But then they were so sure a cash bar was tacky that they ended up paying for the wine and beer. I've never been invited to a kid-free wedding and I'm not a parent myself but I've always felt kind of weird about it. I always felt weddings were supposed to be family affairs. Don't couples who choose to ban tots lose guests? Half of my guests will be coming from out of town and many of them have small children. Most people can't leave their toddler for the weekend. I’m another city-girl who thinks black at weddings is tacky. You should never wear it as a guest unless you’re sure of the brides feelings on it and for bridesmaids dresses it’s dull and funereal.

Most of my flack will come from my in-laws who nearly had twin brain aneurysms when their younger daughter decided to have alcohol at her wedding. But then they were so sure a cash bar was tacky that they ended up paying for the wine and beer.

I’ve never been invited to a kid-free wedding and I’m not a parent myself but I’ve always felt kind of weird about it. I always felt weddings were supposed to be family affairs. Don’t couples who choose to ban tots lose guests? Half of my guests will be coming from out of town and many of them have small children. Most people can’t leave their toddler for the weekend.

]]> By: Melissa B. http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153275 Melissa B. Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:22:17 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153275 NtB, I sympathize with your aisle dilemma. I hate the symbolism of "giving the bride away" and would prefer to walk down the aisle alone or with my fiance, but I think my dad would be really hurt if I told him I didn't want him to escort me down the aisle. Then again, even though I don't like the idea behind the tradition, I always tear up when a bride walks in with her father ... go figure. NtB, I sympathize with your aisle dilemma. I hate the symbolism of “giving the bride away” and would prefer to walk down the aisle alone or with my fiance, but I think my dad would be really hurt if I told him I didn’t want him to escort me down the aisle. Then again, even though I don’t like the idea behind the tradition, I always tear up when a bride walks in with her father … go figure.

]]> By: Never teh Bride http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153219 Never teh Bride Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:13:21 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153219 That sounds utterly lovely, Fenny! A nice stress-free way to begin a life together...plus, you can't beat a night at the pub. That sounds utterly lovely, Fenny! A nice stress-free way to begin a life together…plus, you can’t beat a night at the pub.

]]> By: Fenny http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153217 Fenny Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:08:47 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153217 One of the things I love most about reading this blog is the list of cultural differences between USian and UKian weddings. Equal numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen being the most noticeable. OK, I don;t go to a huge number of weddings, and most of them these days are certainly less than traditional, but unless Daddy has a fat wallet and is paying for the whole day (and if the papers are to be believed, this is happening an awful lot more, with much larger budgets than ever), they generally follow the British fashion of a single Best Man rather than squads of groomsmen. Flower girls and ring bearers are not common here, although a small bridesmaid or two may appear depending on the number of female friends and relations. My Sister in Law had her 3 nephews and a niece as her attendants, whose ages ranged from 4 to 10. We also tend to have a modern trend towards a sit down reception for close friends where drinks - champagne & wine - are provided, followed by an evening party for a larger number (usually everyone from the office and the relatives you don't really like much) where they pay for their own drinks. The last 3 weddings I've been to, all second time round for both parties, have been very much along the lines of "we're getting married wherever at this time, followed by a trip to the pub afterwards. If you'd like to join us, we'd love to see you there." I was Best "Man" at 2 of them :-) Great fun, but I wouldn't suggest for a moment that is what everyone should do. One of the things I love most about reading this blog is the list of cultural differences between USian and UKian weddings. Equal numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen being the most noticeable. OK, I don;t go to a huge number of weddings, and most of them these days are certainly less than traditional, but unless Daddy has a fat wallet and is paying for the whole day (and if the papers are to be believed, this is happening an awful lot more, with much larger budgets than ever), they generally follow the British fashion of a single Best Man rather than squads of groomsmen. Flower girls and ring bearers are not common here, although a small bridesmaid or two may appear depending on the number of female friends and relations. My Sister in Law had her 3 nephews and a niece as her attendants, whose ages ranged from 4 to 10.

We also tend to have a modern trend towards a sit down reception for close friends where drinks – champagne & wine – are provided, followed by an evening party for a larger number (usually everyone from the office and the relatives you don’t really like much) where they pay for their own drinks.

The last 3 weddings I’ve been to, all second time round for both parties, have been very much along the lines of “we’re getting married wherever at this time, followed by a trip to the pub afterwards. If you’d like to join us, we’d love to see you there.” I was Best “Man” at 2 of them :-) Great fun, but I wouldn’t suggest for a moment that is what everyone should do.

]]> By: Chloe http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153105 Chloe Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:22:33 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153105 My MIL! She is devoutly Christian and it really bugged her that we had a civil service and not a church wedding. My MIL! She is devoutly Christian and it really bugged her that we had a civil service and not a church wedding.

]]> By: K http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-153018 K Wed, 02 Jan 2008 23:24:33 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-153018 I got flack for nearly everything regarding my wedding, from our decision to hold it in a smaller, more touristy (read: out-of-towner friendly!) town outside of our big city to our decision not to have tiny ones at the wedding to letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses and their own jewelry/hairstyles to only having beer and wine at our open bar instead of liquor. People will complain about the strangest things. And here's what it came down to for me: most people view weddings as their opportunity to chime in on a topic in which they feel they have "subject-matter expertise." These same people would probably never comment (to your face, at least) about other decisions you and your S.O. make throughout your life, but there's something about the public-ness of a wedding and the fact that these "subject-matter experts" have seen their share of or participated in their share of weddings that makes lips and tongues flap like mad. As if, "Finally! I have a forum in which to share my otherwise unwelcome advice! And it's okay because it's a <i>wedding</i>!" I recognized this, and ignored it. I'm not saying that your wedding should be all about YOU, YOU, YOU and that it's okay to turn into a self-centered, never-in-the-wrong bridezilla. But, ultimately, it's your and your S.O.'s big day and if you don't feel comfortable compromising on a certain issue or item, just ignore the naysayers and focus on this: <b>If, at the end of the day, you're married to and love one another, then the day was a success, no matter what.</b> I got flack for nearly everything regarding my wedding, from our decision to hold it in a smaller, more touristy (read: out-of-towner friendly!) town outside of our big city to our decision not to have tiny ones at the wedding to letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses and their own jewelry/hairstyles to only having beer and wine at our open bar instead of liquor. People will complain about the strangest things.

And here’s what it came down to for me: most people view weddings as their opportunity to chime in on a topic in which they feel they have “subject-matter expertise.” These same people would probably never comment (to your face, at least) about other decisions you and your S.O. make throughout your life, but there’s something about the public-ness of a wedding and the fact that these “subject-matter experts” have seen their share of or participated in their share of weddings that makes lips and tongues flap like mad. As if, “Finally! I have a forum in which to share my otherwise unwelcome advice! And it’s okay because it’s a wedding!” I recognized this, and ignored it.

I’m not saying that your wedding should be all about YOU, YOU, YOU and that it’s okay to turn into a self-centered, never-in-the-wrong bridezilla. But, ultimately, it’s your and your S.O.’s big day and if you don’t feel comfortable compromising on a certain issue or item, just ignore the naysayers and focus on this: If, at the end of the day, you’re married to and love one another, then the day was a success, no matter what.

]]> By: C* http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-152999 C* Wed, 02 Jan 2008 19:52:45 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-152999 I agree about the black dresses: classy and elegant even if non-traditional. There are so many fashion rules that are being written off these days and I feel like black at weddings is one of them. I happen to have a fabulous pair of white heels that I wear quite frequently after Labor Day. Once, I wore them with a fantastic black and white cocktail dress to a wedding...in October! :) We got a lot of crap from people about having un-even sides (5 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen), & about having a flower girl but no ring-bearer (we don't know any little boys!), but the 2 things people bugged us the most about was that we invited everyone on the guest list to the rehearsal dinner, and that we had a noon wedding, hors'deouvres from 1 until 2 and then the reception from 2 until 6 p.m. Before the wedding people thought it was really weird for us to do both of those things, but after all we got were rave reviews. The rehearsal dinner was relaxed and fun and gave us some time to hang out with our guests who had come from out of town (90% of them did). The wedding turned out beautiful and having the afternoon reception allowed us to be able to have an after-party of sorts at my in-laws with all the leftover food and cake and drinks. We all went there until around 8 p.m. and then all of our friends and siblings went with my husband and I to the local bowling alley, where we bowled until midnight. We got to see everyone, hang out, and had a wonderful time. I agree about the black dresses: classy and elegant even if non-traditional. There are so many fashion rules that are being written off these days and I feel like black at weddings is one of them. I happen to have a fabulous pair of white heels that I wear quite frequently after Labor Day. Once, I wore them with a fantastic black and white cocktail dress to a wedding…in October! :)

We got a lot of crap from people about having un-even sides (5 bridesmaids, 4 groomsmen), & about having a flower girl but no ring-bearer (we don’t know any little boys!), but the 2 things people bugged us the most about was that we invited everyone on the guest list to the rehearsal dinner, and that we had a noon wedding, hors’deouvres from 1 until 2 and then the reception from 2 until 6 p.m. Before the wedding people thought it was really weird for us to do both of those things, but after all we got were rave reviews. The rehearsal dinner was relaxed and fun and gave us some time to hang out with our guests who had come from out of town (90% of them did). The wedding turned out beautiful and having the afternoon reception allowed us to be able to have an after-party of sorts at my in-laws with all the leftover food and cake and drinks. We all went there until around 8 p.m. and then all of our friends and siblings went with my husband and I to the local bowling alley, where we bowled until midnight. We got to see everyone, hang out, and had a wonderful time.

]]> By: Claire http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/comment-page-1/#comment-152993 Claire Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:35:23 +0000 http://manolobrides.com/2008/01/02/theres-the-potential-for-controversy-everywhere-you-turn/#comment-152993 I work for a caterer that does a lot of weddings. Just the other day, we had a bride get married in a gorgeous red dress. Sure, it was untraditional, but she looked confident and amazing. (Plus, it was her second wedding, so I suspect she did traditional the first time around and didn't want to go that route again.) I've got no problem with black at weddings, either. Sorry, Boston social register, but it can look really elegant and there is definitely something to be said for letting your bridesmaids wear a dress they can wear again. Untraditional doesn't mean wrong. I work for a caterer that does a lot of weddings. Just the other day, we had a bride get married in a gorgeous red dress. Sure, it was untraditional, but she looked confident and amazing. (Plus, it was her second wedding, so I suspect she did traditional the first time around and didn’t want to go that route again.)

I’ve got no problem with black at weddings, either. Sorry, Boston social register, but it can look really elegant and there is definitely something to be said for letting your bridesmaids wear a dress they can wear again. Untraditional doesn’t mean wrong.

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