No, this isn’t about MOB dresses or how to get along with your mother-in-law. This is about when there’s a mom-to-be in the bridal party.

Once upon a time, such a situation would have been unheard of. Bridesmaids were expected to be unmarried and younger than the bride. Brides were expected not to know about the birds and the bees until mom clued them in just before it was too late and in vague, terrifying terms.

Now, though, the rules have changed. When I was married way back in 1993, I had five bridesmaids. Four of them were married. The other was twelve years old. Two were pregnant. Both were in the very early stages, so it didn’t affect the clothes, but I’ve sometimes wondered how I would have handled the situation if one of them had been further along.

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I stumbled upon an old article in the Boston Globe that talked about the revival of the old “man basking the bride’s dad’s consent” tradition, and it made me think of The Beard’s proposal. He did in fact call my dad to ask his blessing, mostly because I’d told him a number of times that my dad would really like that. My dad, as you might guess, is an old fashioned dude. For the record, I would have married The Beard even if my father had told him to buzz off–he was asking for my dad’s blessing, not his permission.

What interested me more than the article itself was the range of responses I found in the comments section.

If a young man wanted to come talk to me about marrying my daughter BEFORE he had talked to her, I would have serious reservations about the man. I think it would show a lack of respect for the woman he wanted to marry. This is something I would expect my daughters to figure out on their own (like grown women) and then come tell me once they had decided. For most of us women, it is a reminder of a time when we were excluded from a lot of the decision making about our lives. Completely creepy.

If you’re going to discuss getting married as a couple, then why even propose or ask?! What’s the point if you’ve already discussed the subject? Sorry but with how important my family is to me, I would want my parents consent before a guy asked me to marry him. Maybe I’m old fashioned or maybe I am lucky to have a supportive family that knows who I am.
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Me? I try not to wear anything that embiggens my upper arm area, which sadly needs no embiggening, thank you very much. There is the element of concealment that comes with a leg o’ mutton sleeve, but this dress also features a plethora of bows and beads I just can’t get behind.

What say you?

I’m sorry, but brides-to-be just can’t win. If you plan a wedding that’s as traditional as all get out, there will be people who criticize you for embracing the status quo. If you plan a wedding so unique that there is no existing template for it, you’ll be accused of betraying your cultural heritage. The list of “wrongs” goes on and on and on. Change your name, and you’re a tool of the patriarchy. Keep you’re name, and you’re a feminazi.

Here’s a list of some of the controversy that commonly crops up during the engagement period:

No tykes!
I go back and forth on this one. On one hand, weddings tend to be a celebration centered around family, and kids are by their very natures an important part of the family unit. On the other hand, you probably wouldn’t invite a gaggle of little ladies and gentlemen to a stylish sit-down dinner that won’t even get going until 9 p.m. My personal rule of thumb? It’s silly to exclude kids from daytime affairs–even those that are quite formal–but I don’t look down upon those who choose to exclude the younger set from long ceremonies and late dinners.

The bride wore pants/black/a Halloween costume/jeans/nothing at all.
It’s nearly impossible to spend any amount of time on bridal message boards without coming across those concerned brides-to-be who want a little validation. They’ve decided to buck the white dress tradition by wearing something wholly un-weddingish, and they’re getting flack from mothers, sisters, friends, and aunties. I always want to take these gals by the shoulders, shake them gently, and say, “Honey, wear whatever you damn well please.”

“That’ll be $4.50, please.”
I’m not a fan of the cash bar concept–after all, you wouldn’t invite your friends to a party and then charge them for drinks. Or would you? I do recognize that in some parts of the country cash bars are the rule rather than the exception, and in those parts of the country people come prepared with cash in hand. I myself could not afford a full open bar, so we compensated by stocking our reception with all manner of interesting beers and coolers filled with champagne. If your guests feel an overwhelming need to get smashed, they can get just as smashed on suds.
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Now that the new year has arrived, flocks of women and men who have involved themselves in upcoming weddings are no doubt rushing out to get the appropriate clothing for the role. If dinky software companies can put their company logo on a t-shirt, so can you.

Have a most wonderful and fulfilling new year, everyone, whether you’re getting married or not!