Comments on: Settle? Um, ew?

By: natasha

natasha — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 04:49:17 +0000

I think Lori got it wrong with the title of her book. Once reading the book , to me it wasnt about settling for the sake of babies or sheer desperation. I found Lori was informing us to be more open minded about people and not delist them so quickly. People dont fall in love always instantatiously and therefore she is giving us an insight as to not dismiss someone for not being a perfect 10. Instead get to know them and give them a chance. Her title is what probably peeved women, and gave the impression she is suggesting you take whatever has a pulse, but this is not what the book is about. Bad title Lori but a bloody good read!

By: smartandsexy

smartandsexy — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 07:16:49 +0000

All I can say is Lori Gottlieb is not a sane person and it’s a waste of time to listen to what she has to say. Ladies, don’t settle. I was in a passionless marriage for 20 years and all it got me was misery.

By: Dianasaur

Dianasaur — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:59:49 +0000

First of all, I too thought you hated Seattle. Second, what a sad woman. I’m so thankful that I reached a point of deciding I’d rather risk being single forever than settling for the wrong man, and that I also decided not to watch “romantic” movies because I didn’t want my view of romance being determined by Hollywood.

When I met my husband I was completely content in my singleness (as was he). Neither of us was “looking” and that helped us be so sure we were the right people for each other. He is really romantic sometimes, and not so much other times. But it’s cool that when I bring up the subject of romance to him, I’m able to remind him of things he’s done before, rather than compare him to the unrealistic movie world of romance.

Too many marriages end in ruins because of settling. I’ve seen it and my heart just breaks for the pain it brings both people.

By: Eilish

Eilish — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 10:10:57 +0000

I like Never teh Bride’s larger point about broadening your vision of what is “perfect for you”. I also would like to see the concept of the “one true love” fly out the window. I think it creates the impression that you will someday find a person that meets all those little criteria that you think are so important before you actually get married. Don’t confuse this with “settling.”

There are probably any number of people in the world that you could meet, fall in love with, marry and have a wonderful life with! It is so much about choices and priorities. All marriage will entail some adult compromises as we outgrow our girlhood fantasies, but I think we often find that reality is better and more substantial than the fantasies that we thought we wanted. That’s called growing up!

By: Margaret

Margaret — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:29:28 +0000

Um, couple of suggestions? 1. Don’t have a baby without a partner (this seems to be a major source of her complaints). 2. Don’t base your life choices on movies, romances, and sitcoms.

By: Kat

Kat — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 07:11:40 +0000

Although this woman is obviously insane, I agree with settling to an extent.
Actually it should be more like broadening your mind. Don’t write someone off just because they don’t fit every criteria you’ve been dreaming about since you were 6 (though hopefully they’ve changed since then anyway).
If the guy’s not perfect, it doesn’t mean he’s not “the one” – after all we’re not perfect either!

By: Xen

Xen — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:46:25 +0000

If Lori Gottlieb’s vision of a perfect marriage is “Will and Grace,” maybe she should, um, make some friends? Get a roommate? Hire a nanny? Given both the length of this article and The Atlantic’s per-word rate (and, hell, the fact that she could afford artificial insemination), she most certainly doesn’t need a meal ticket.

By: daisyj

daisyj — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 20:39:27 +0000

Even though I get it now, I can’t shake the feeling that Ms. Gottlieb is writing from somewhere in the Pacific Northwest.

By: Never teh Bride

Never teh Bride — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 20:34:23 +0000

Darn it, daisyj, now I can’t look at that headline without seeing “Seattle.”

By: Pencils

Pencils — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 20:11:42 +0000

Exactly, exactly, exactly, NtB, and all you commenters. I was angered when I first heard about this, because I thought, “what if someone believes her?” but now I mostly just feel sorry for Lori Gottlieb. As you all said, there’s a big difference between “settling” and realizing that Prince Charming doesn’t exist, and if he did, you’d probably want someone more edgy anyway. If I had settled for the guy I was dating around 30, I’d be married to someone I was no longer in love with even then, and who now cheats on his wife. (We still talk. I feel bad for his wife.) Yep, that would have been a much better idea instead of waiting until I was 37 and meeting the love of my life, a man I married last year, and with whom I’m going to have a baby later this year. He’s not perfect, he leaves disgusting balls of hair in the shower (just great when you have morning sickness) and he’s very bad about remembering to do his half of the chores, but he’s also the sweetest, most loving, most supportive man ever. He sent me Valentine’s flowers today so I could enjoy them at work two extra days. He remembers which are my favorite flowers, even though a few years ago he couldn’t tell a tulip from a daffodil. There was no settling with him. I just had to wait until I was a little older–and, hell, I had a good time in those years.