When in-law relations get ugly, commiserate!

Here’s a tip from me to you: If you just adore your future in-laws, you have been wonderfully blessed and perhaps M.I.L.D.E.W. isn’t for you. In fact, reading the tales of woe over at that impressively tragic blog might just frighten you so much that you simply cannot bring yourself to utter a peep in front of your SIL, causing her to forevermore think of you as stuck up, stupid, or worse.

Steer clear of the fighters in his/her family

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have great in-laws all around. Maybe your MIL is really the pits but your SIL has become your best friend. Or maybe you really feel a connection with your FIL that just isn’t there with the rest of the family. People are only human, and the likelihood of your liking every single one of your spouse-to-be’s relations is pretty darned slim.

Infer from this what you will, but I do enjoy stopping by M.I.L.D.E.W. to read through the new entries. If it happens that you fall into the second category of people (i.e., the “er, my in-laws are…okay, I guess” category) you may come to realize that you’re not alone after reading tales of horror like this one:

Right before my wedding, my MIL kept asking me if DH and I had had our blood tests. I kept patiently explaining to her that in California, you don’t need a blood test to get married. Finally she came out with her true worry, at SIL’s house and in front of Grandma.

She asked, ‘Have you had an AIDS test?’

She was certain that DH and I were ‘doing it’ and that I was giving DH all kinds of cooties. We weren’t and I wasn’t. DH had gone over that with her when we announced our engagement and she asked me (the second we were alone together, of course) if I was pregnant.

Now it warms my heart to see all of the pro in-law comments that come rolling in whenever I post about in-laws, but I know there is a whole contingent of people out there who reside on the other side of the MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL fence. I ask you…no, wait, I’m begging you to weigh in. Don’t worry, we’ll protect your privacy!

14 Responses to “When in-law relations get ugly, commiserate!”

  1. Christine says:

    I am right with you on this. The thought of my in-laws makes me cringe and I break into a sweat and my whole body tenses up. They’re insufferable cows! I’ve almost called my wedding off TWICE because of these monsters. Every last bit of them are just ridiculous! It was so extreme that I had to BUY THEM A CAR in order to get them to give their blessing for me and my FH to get ENGAGED!

    I should’ve never given in then, because now they’re constantly forcing me into these corners and making me buy and do things they want or they will not participate in the wedding. I’m miserable! My wedding is costing me a fortune, and on top of that, I feel like they’re the mob and I’m the poor shop owner, paying them money on a weekly basis!

    My parents have fought for me to just marry without his family’s consent, but my FH is so dutiful, he won’t do it without his family’s permission. I’m so torn and I’m BROKE! God, I could just die thinking about it now!!

    *sigh* I hope you’re in better shape with your inlaws than me!

  2. Jo says:

    I am probably the only bride in the history of brideness to have had her wedding dress made so as to accomodate (should the need have arisen) a flak vest underneath. My then-MIL had threatened to shoot me at the altar, charming woman, and so I had armed off-duty cops attending the wedding and reception and a bulletproof vest, just in case.

    That should’ve been a clue. Then-DH and I are now divorced, then-MIL is blessedly dead, and I wonder what the hell Then-Me was thinking.

  3. JaneC says:

    On the whole my in-laws are great, but my husband and I are each having a bit of trouble getting used to the personality quirks of the other one’s mother. When I’m at my in-laws’ house, my MIL treats me like a guest (so far–I’ve only been family for three months, and was only at their house a few times before that). She makes all kinds of rich food (I prefer my veggies without hollandaise, thanks), and asks me if I need a glass of water or a snack every 15 minutes; it’s nice of her, but we were there for a week at Christmas and by the end of the week it was driving me nuts.
    My mother, on the other hand, treats my husband pretty much like a son. The problem is this includes occasionally treating both of us as if we were still kids; it doesn’t bother me, but it makes my husband crazy, and I have to keep reassuring him that it doesn’t mean my mother thinks he’s immature or irresponsible.

  4. Johanna says:

    I’m happy with my current future in-laws, but I almost got into a bad situation earlier. It took over 4 years before I could sit in the same room with my ex-boyfriends mother – and we only started to get along when we discovered our mutual hatred towards the poor boys father..

  5. Tizzy says:

    Ah. Mr. Tizzy-to-be’s family is very well intentioned and they are certainly better than my sister’s in-laws but that doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t need to excuse myself to take deep breaths. They are so nice, I feel bad for not liking them more.

    My future FIL has no tact. He’ll say whatever pops into his head regardless of how it will make the rest of us feel.

    My future MIL needs anti-anxiety meds. Seriously, she has no coping skills. She loses sleep over random, small things then gets sick because she isn’t sleeping. We all then get to her from her and my FIL how it’s all our fault. The best part is half the time she’s exaggerated and distorted what we said or did so much that what she’s fretting over isn’t even true. She also can’t understand that there’s more than one right way to do things. If I don’t have a college degree then obviously I’m going to end up just like her sister who didn’t go to college. And if I don’t want to live at home until I’m married that must mean that my mother and I don’t get along.

    The younger of my two future SILs is very nice. Really, she is. It’s just that she’s such a drama queen and a prude. Anyone who doesn’t do things the way that she and her husband did things is causing a scandal. Even she’s the only one scandalized.

    My future BIL is a flake. He’s nice guy and a lot of fun but he always cancels at the last minute. This is minor but it’s a pet peeve of mine.

    The older of my future SIL is awesome. She’s smart and fun and nonjudgmental. She’s fantastic mother. But her husband is mean and judgmental and we dread seeing him. Fortunately he’s at work so much that we often get to see her without him.

    Oh and because of the mother’s worrying they’re all always making elaborate lies to tell each other about their lives.

    But when it comes down to it they’re good people and that’s more than plenty of other girls get.

  6. Audrey says:

    Hah! I have two MILs and FILs. One set is great, if worrywarts, the other is nice but occasionally a nightmare to deal with. I’m talking the SMIL had me in tears many times leading up to the wedding like the day was all about her. While we were dating my FIL kept trying to destroy our relationship by telling my FH to date more people and that I was beneath them. Now I mostly just have to deal with my SMIL’s occasional child-like fits where she gets angry because she feels I haven’t paid enough attention to her so she yells at my H who then ends up telling at me because he’s stressed. I fear for my sanity when we end up moving closer to them, but thankfully my marriage is pretty damn strong.

  7. La BellaDonna says:

    Christine, I wish you all the best of luck, I do, but … is this the future you want for yourself?

  8. Annalucia says:

    Christine dear, this is a very bad situation you are speaking of, and the lack of spine showed by your FH is even worse. These people, they sound both greedy and bullying and they will never treat you well or give you any peace. Do you want your children to have them as grandparents and aunts and uncles?

    Please reconsider. To have the wrong spouse is much worse than to have none at all.

  9. La Petite Acadienne says:

    Yeah, I’m with the others, Christine. It’s nice that he respects his family, but is he respecting you right now? He’s supposed to love and cherish you, but he’s letting his family treat you like dogs**t. It’s up to you, but if you were my sister or my close friend, I’d be packing your bags and kidnapping you to get you the hell away from that situation.

    Actually, that’s a good rule of thumb to go by. Ask yourself, “If a cherished friend of mine was in EXACTLY this scenario, what would I tell her to do?”

  10. Little Red says:

    I have to agree with the others, Christine! If your FH isn’t standing up for you now, he’s never going to do it. The rest of your life with this man will involve your in-laws greedy and bullying behavior. And if you have any kids with this man, it’s only going to get worst and you’ll never be able to get them out of your lives. Dutiful is one thing but spineless is another.

  11. Never teh Bride says:

    Let me mirror the sentiments everyone else has already expressed, Christine. In my mind, it’s unlikely that your fiance will ever stop being the dutiful son, and someday there might be more than wedding stress and some big gifts on the line. Tread carefully…

  12. Navillus99 says:

    I am a huge fan of my in-laws. I have a brother-in-law that is absolutely fantastic and the FIL and MIL are great to me.

  13. Glinda says:

    My MIL could teach a college course in passive-aggressiveness. FIL? Meh, he’s just along for the ride.

    But oh, the horror stories I could tell. I think I need to get over to that site!

  14. Melissa B. says:

    I hate to say this, but the worst mother-in-law I know is probably my paternal grandmother. She and my mom never got along. My dad is my grandmother’s beloved youngest son, who can do no wrong in her eyes. I’d be surprised if there was anyone in the world my Grandma would consider good enough for Dad. It was obvious to me even as a kid that Grandma didn’t like Mom much — she’d barely say two words to her unless it was to criticize the way we kids had been “brought up.” But my dad adores his mother and seemed totally oblivious to the way she treated his wife. My mom eventually stopped trying to be friendly and started staying home when we went to visit my dad’s family.

    She’s a wonderful Grandma — she taught me to sew and bake bread and would move heaven and earth to fix her grandkids’ favorite meal back when she was healthy — but those family visits to her home were always really stressful.