Archive for February, 2008

How To Tell When It’s Right

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

Before you can start making serious plans for your wedding, there’s one thing it’s smart to do: decide on the other person who will stand at the altar with you. The trouble is sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’re thinking about settling down, or just about settling. Are you reacting to your heart, or someone else’s expectations? Some people, sadly, don’t figure it out until the wedding is over.


Achtung: Newlyweds in the kitchen

Friday, February 15th, 2008

I’m of the opinion that everyone ought to know how to cook, even if all they can do is whip up a bit of pasta or fry an omelet. What it comes down to is this: Everyone who is old enough to be capable of operating a stove without burning down the house should be able to feed themselves in a pinch. This is essentially why I’m always a little suspicious of cookbooks that are geared specifically toward the bride and groom set.

That said, I am currently holed up with a friend of mine who had a bit of surgery. As it happens, she and her hubby are foodies and have eight hundred bazillion cookbooks stacked willy-nilly throughout their house. While lying in bed yesterday morning contemplating what I’d opine about today, my eye auspiciously settled upon The Bride & Groom Cookbook: Recipes for Cooking Together from Williams-Sonoma.

Just for brides and grooms, thbbbbpt

From what I read, the book seems to be a good primer for those who can feed themselves in a most basic sense but want to learn to navigate their kitchens more competently. It covers kitchen organization, the art of cooking side-by-side, entertaining for beginners, cooking for two, ingredient assumptions, and a whole lot more. Plus, unlike certain cookbooks, it does not assume that the groom will be off watching Monday Night Football while the bride is slaving away over a hot stove. Plus, some of the recipes are just to die for. Pear and vanilla muffins, anyone?

Williams-Sonoma isn’t the only one to try to capitalize on this genre of apparently egalitarian cookbook. There are a great many more, both in print and out of print. Observe…

So there you have it — there is no shortage of cookbooks that claim to have the best interest of brides and grooms in mind. I cannot vouch for those on the list, but I do rather like The Bride & Groom Cookbook: Recipes for Cooking Together from Williams-Sonoma because it’s nice to look at and has down to earth tips everyone can understand. That said, if I was buying a cookbook for a soon to be married couple, I’d probably gift them with The Joy of Cooking…preferably the oldest copy I could find. It has been my kitchen bible for as long as I can remember!

Not the white dress that immediately comes to mind

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

Happy V-day, everybody! What I’d like to know is why they scheduled what is ostensibly the lovingest day of the year on one of the coldest days of the year…seriously, every time The Beard puts his hands on my, I scream, and I don’t mean that in a good way!

Your own Never teh Bride is seriously in need of some summertime. All I can think about is the sun in my hair and the hot sand between my toes, which is nice considering that we keep the thermostat at 60 because gas prices are so high. Thank goodness for imagination.

What I’m imagining right now is a casual, warm weather, beachy sort of wedding that involves no shoes and plenty of sunblock. For this, we can ditch the gowns and head straight to the pretty white dresses.

Tocca off-white voile lace detail 'Jillian' dressAbaete white satin pleated 'Bianca' belted dress
YAYA AFLALO LOVE white jersey ruched strapless dressChaiken white linen stripe 'Beach Party' v-neck dress

Lovely — I feel warmer already just looking at them! Of course, because of the small pictures the wonderful details aren’t immediately apparent, so I recommend heading over to Bluefly where you can embiggen the snapshots of each dress, thereby banishing winter’s chill for another day.

Nearly nude nuptials

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

From faithful reader mkb comes this little gem about a bride and a groom who tied the ol’ knot sans costume.

Saying “I do” in the buff

These unusual nuptials came about because Melbourne, Australia’s FOX 109.1 radio station wanted to set up a publicity stunt in cooperation with the Australian Diamond Company. The station chose Shelley and Josh over a number of other couples to get hitched in the buff…by which they really meant the pseudo-buff.

What do I mean by pseudo-buff?


Settle? Um, ew?

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Does passion even have a place?

I’m the first one to say that marriage isn’t always about ZOMG PASSION. First kisses, those are about passion. Romantic weddings? Passion-o-rama. Post break-up youknowwhatsie? Whoa Nelly! But marriage…marriage is occasionally antipassion, a substance that has a lot in common with antimatter. But, hey, there’s gotta be some passion, because that little spark that makes you feel all googlywoogly in your stomach when you look at your mate should never die out completely.

Unless, that is, you are one Lori Gottlieb, a woman who has apparently made a career out of airing her complexities (read: issues) in the public eye. In a recent article entitled Marry Him! she asserts that every single woman everywhere, no matter how satisfied, no matter how independent, wants a man, any man, as in “oh please for the love of God send a man so I can get married because there is no greater fulfillment for a woman!”

My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go.

To Gottlieb, marriage and by extension men (there’s no mention of what lesbians want) are nothing more than a means to an end. If you want security and a permanent live-in partner, then you need to start looking past his lack of wit, his lack of culture, and his lack of personality so you can start looking at what he does have, namely a pulse and a job.

I’m actually pro-settling to a certain extent. One line in the article, “I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you … I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category” really resonated with me. I happen to believe that there are tons of great guys who fall into the doesn’t-have-cool-hair-laughs-at-inappropriate-times-a-little-pudgy-can’t-dance-worth-a-damn category.

The point, however, is not that you settle for these rare and wonderful creatures. Rather, it’s that you give them a chance, find out that in addition to playing a mean game of WoW they’re secret sex machines, and then thank the Lord that some other lucky lady didn’t snap them up first. You don’t say, oh, ho hum, I’m just shy of forty so I better snare the first set of XY chromosomes who happens along so I don’t turn into a lonely old hag.

Unless, like I said, you’re Lori Gottlieb, in which case you’re probably going to spend your life sighing over romantic comedies while a husband who bores the crap out of you is off puttering around his workshop. Or not. As a friend of mine put it, “What, exactly, is she bringing to the table? Naked desperation and a ton of to-be-delegated responsibility? I, for one, am SHOCKED she hasn’t found a guy willing to “settle” for that.”


Enter the boob bow

Monday, February 11th, 2008

It’s hard to missSomething to hold on to?

You know your best friend isn’t really your best friend when she shows up on your doorstep, terribly excited that she finally found THE perfect bridesmaids’ dresses, and after a great deal of hand fluttering and giggling, she shows you this Saeyoung Vu Couture number. We left butt bows behind for a reason…there’s no need for the boob bow to step in to fill the gap.

All I can think of when looking at this dress is how that bow will undoubtedly come in handy during drunken attendant couplings wherein overzealous and none too coordinated groomsmen are doing their best to make sweet, sweet inebriated love to bridesmaids in reception hall broom closets. The bow says, quite clearly, “Hey, you fumbling oaf, ‘the girls’ are right here!” It is, additionally, something to grab onto when the world starts spinning and all that post-nuptial naughtiness just plain loses its allure.

Mini Me? I’d Rather Not

Sunday, February 10th, 2008

During my childhood and youth, flower girls wore different colors of dresses, different hairstyles, different shoes, and carried different flowers, but they all had one thing in common: they were dressed as little girls.

If they wore white dresses, they were simple and designed to flatter a small child’s figure and often had colored sashes. More often they wore pastel dresses that toned with the bridal party. Make up? Didn’t happen, unless it was a tiny dab of clear or pale pink lip gloss.

When did we start turning flower girls into the brides in Tom Thumb Weddings?