…in the oven, that is. It must be hard to be an expanding entity in the WIC world, where dresses and accessories need to be ordered eons in advance. You don’t know precisely how big you’ll be six months from now, and yet you must place that dress order soon, lest you be left without something coordinating to wear on your friend’s wedding day. Buying a great dress when you’re not a size 2 is hard enough, so I can imagine the potent frustration of the pregnant bridesmaid!

What if one thinks all of the maternity bridesmaids dresses out there are utter shite? Does one buy too large a dress and have it taken in? Or something with an empire waist and a lot of flowing, gauzy fabric? Most of the maternity dresses specifically aimed at bridesmaids (and there aren’t all that many) are dull as doornails, cut oddly, or vaguely triangular in a way flattering no one.

I found only two I liked:

The main reason that I like the chiffon number from Eden Bridals on the left is because it doesn’t try to take a regular dress and fit a beachball tummy into it. As long as it’s tight enough around the bust and not some hideous color, it’ll make the wearer look like a very pregnant Greek goddess. The luminescent chiffon dress from Watters on the right will likely appeal most to those who either have a naturally smooth silhouette or plenty of smoothing undergarments. I like it because it’s unapologetic — the wearer obviously has nothing to hide.

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There are lots of reasons to give wedding cake the finger. Some people, for example, just don’t like cake. Others have been so traumatized by eating awful, dry cakes at receptions that they’re scared to give cake a go. Then, of course, you have your mavericks, who just want to serve dessert options that fall outside the norm. And there are a handful of folks out there who just plain don’t care about all the cakey pomp and circumstance, i.e., the cutting and the feeding and the smooshing.

I think a lot more people would consider nixing the cake if it meant they could avoid having overzealous relatives yelling, “Cram it in her craw!” during what ought to be a sweet little feed à deux. While discussing cake options, I said this to The Beard: “We’re spending a lot on our clothes, and it would be a real shame to ruin anything re-wearable or donate-able with cake smears.” Lucky for me, he agreed.

That said, cake doesn’t have to be your centerpiece, even if you do want to share a public nibble. There are all manner of sweets on can share to ensure that no possible photographic opportunity is missed.

Dipped strawberries are an obvious choice, being that they’re portable and quite a lot of people enjoy them. Furthermore, they’re not nearly as messy as cake can be, and people tend to limit themselves to one or two before calling it quits.

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I’m a great believer in the concept that a wedding will cost precisely what you are willing to spend on it. I believe in figuring out how much you have available to work with and then tailoring the day to your budget, rather than trying to fit your budget to the party you want to throw. After all, it’s possible in most places to get married for less than a hundred dollars, if you’re fine with simply getting a marriage license and finding a budget JP to do the honors. It’s also possible to spend literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. It’s all a matter of deciding what your resources are and making smart decisions about how to spend your hard-earned cash.

But what does it cost in your area to hold a typical wedding?

I found this fun tool for getting an idea what the average wedding in your area tends to set people back. Just enter your zip code and see what number comes out. Remember, this is an average and your wedding will probably be either more or less expensive, depending on your tastes, circumstances, and resources.

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Once again, you guys have blown me completely away. I inflicted this image on you:

and you came right back at me with eight different – and hilarious – captions for the image. You all did well, but there can be only one winner. This week, the winner is de for this gloriously deranged Bridezilla moment:

“Alright boys” cried Suzette, readying herself for a spectacular entrance into the church, “RAMMING SPEED!”

Congratulations, de! And thanks to everyone who played.