Comments on: Would you rather splurge on family or fun?

By: Pencils

Pencils — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 16:13:26 +0000

We had a small budget–our budget for both the wedding and the honeymoon was about $20K–so we had a small wedding and a nice but not over-the-top honeymoon. We decided on fewer than 100 people (turned out to be about 70), and we wanted a pretty site, good food, and room for dancing. We found all that in a small catering venue in an old house on golf course–there are much plusher places for weddings in our area, but we didn’t need to be that plush. And I cut costs wherever I could. We chose a Sunday afternoon because we got a great deal. We had a DJ doing his basic service, I did the flowers with the help of family and friends, since we were married on site we didn’t need limos, and since we were leaving at 3am for the honeymoon, we just went back to our apartment and didn’t bother with a hotel room. There were benefits of that–my husband carried me over the threshold of our own home, and we got to spend our wedding night in our own bed.

And as much as we would have loved a blow-out vacation in Tahiti or Europe, we didn’t have that much money and knew we needed to relax, so we chose St Lucia because it isn’t that many hours by plane, and Sandals because everything is taken care of for you. I would have loved the Four Seasons in Nevis, but it was too much money, and we had plans to save and then take a second honeymoon in Europe in the spring of 2008, before our first year of marriage was up. Except I’m pregnant now, and walking all over Europe is out. (High risk pregnancy.) So…we’re going back to Sandals for a babymoon in May. This time in Jamaica, where it’s cheaper. Somehow I think our “blow-out” honeymoon might end up being a second honeymoon for our 20th or 25th anniversary…

By: Twistie

Twistie — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:09:26 +0000

Johanna, I think I’m in love with your dream honeymoon.

By: Johanna

Johanna — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:06:38 +0000

I must admit that in a situation where “you didn’t, for whatever reason, have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings” I wouldn’t hesitate to ditch my family and friends and opt for a long private getaway.

Not that I wouldn’t want to share the joyous moment with loved ones but we are both simply too shy to actually enjoy being in the center of attention and entertaining a crowd of people. But as it is, most of our relatives and friends have announced they are coming to the wedding, even though we have not announced there would be one. Even the cousin from Spain said he’d book the flights as soon as there’s a date. I guess they all really want to get together and have fun.

So there’ll be a party. I’m sure it’ll be great and that way we won’t have to wonder afterwards if we’ve missed out on something culturally and emotionally essential.

The budget for the whole shebang wouldn’t be the deal breaker though, since my dream honeymoon would be 2 weeks together locked up at home naked with the food left over from the reception. I do love traveling but I love being alone with my spouse more. Visiting museums, shopping and sight-seeing is not in my book considered romantic. If we can’t go to Japan when the cherry trees blossom (probably can’t for some time, me being a poor student and accepting help from the relatives sounding awkwardly old-fashioned), we might just as well stay here!

By: Sarah C.

Sarah C. — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:28:18 +0000

We got married at the end of February, in an intimate ceremony (15 guests, almost all family) with a slightly larger drinks reception (50 guests). Honestly, it was darn near perfect- the later, more casual reception allowed us to actually talk to all of our guests, it didn’t cost much at all, and it was a really, really great time.

The honeymoon? It’s two months later, and we’re getting ready to go to Paris. The weather’s better than in Feb. and I get my dream getaway.

So I’m pretty much having it both ways- the wedding was fairly inexpensive, but it was about US and not about big, stressful plans, and the honeymoon is a dream, even though it’s not that expensive, either. Since I live in Europe, it’s the equivalent of going to New York from my home state of Virginia.

I guess the point of this is that it is possible to do both. If I had to choose, though, I’d have kept the small wedding and gone for the amazing honeymoon.

By: Jin

Jin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:10:22 +0000

I’d have to go with the big reception as well. We’re doing something similar, though it’s probably more appropriate to call it “medium sized”. It has nothing to do with not having the funds for it (we’re paying for half, and my parents the other half), it’s moreso me not having enough leave saved up at work to take more than a week for a honeymoon.

And we’re getting no help from his parents at all, so there goes that tradition (for us).

By: Never teh Bride

Never teh Bride — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:54:47 +0000

It is traditional, Ladyjane, but the statistics say that times are changing. Almost all of the brides and grooms who marry in the US pay for some of the wedding or honeymoon, and plenty pay for the whole shebang. Of all the couples I know intimately, only a handful received honeymoon specific money from the groom’s family. In our case, the groom’s side paid for the photographer while my mother offered us money for a honeymoon.

I agree with Melissa B. that it’s best not to make assumptions about who is paying for what these days because many of the “who pays for what” traditions no longer seem to apply.

By: Betsy

Betsy — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:14:06 +0000

Well, I for one, am very happy that you decided to share your day with your big family! You and ‘The beard’ were stunning. There will be plenty of time for a honeymoon! I love your blogs!!! Keep up the good work!

By: Melissa B.

Melissa B. — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:12:58 +0000

I’ve heard that too, Ladyjane — I think it is traditional for the groom’s family to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. Those kinds of traditions can be tricky, though. I’ve heard of some very awkward situations where brides and grooms assume money is coming from their parents only to find out that they can’t or won’t pay for their “traditional” expenses. (This doesn’t apply to you, of course, since they already offered!)

By: Ladyjane

Ladyjane — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 05:41:36 +0000

I haven’t talked budget yet with my parents, but I think I’m going to end up like you, Kate– it’s all about the wedding for them (and me, too!). Mom has already adamantly stated that I am not to tell my future MiL and FiL that there is no wedding fund as of this moment, which to me says that they don’t want any help from my fiancee’s side.

To be honest, though, I thought I’d heard that the groom’s side traditionally takes care of the honeymoon (FiL and MiL wanted to send us on a cruise, but we’ve already said no). Am I correct in thinking this, or are my future-in-laws just being generous?

By: JaneC

JaneC — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 04:24:28 +0000

Like Kate, I didn’t have much of a choice because my parents paid for my wedding, and I basically let my mother plan the reception. It was in the church hall, the decorations were home-made by my mom and relatives, and there was a buffet rather than a sit-down meal–but she didn’t skimp on the food and wine, and hired a live band. To me, the reception is a blur of being dragged outside for photos, sweating in my too-warm and slightly restrictive dress on the dance floor, and being interrupted every time I tried to sit still and eat. To everyone else, the reception was “wonderful!” “so fun!” and “the best time I’ve had in years!”

We paid for our own honeymoon. We didn’t have very much time for a vacation: just four nights in a small but lovely hotel, and our first holiday (Thanksgiving) alone in our apartment before we had to go back to school and work.

A long vacation in Italy would have been nice, but given the choice between that and the fabulous reception we had, I’d choose the reception. The compliments are still coming in six months later, and I was happy to be able to show my relatives a good time–especially some of the older ones who don’t get out much.