Following on the heels of those ubiquitous bridal checklists, you’ll find the slightly less common bridal beauty timelines. Sometimes they’re squished into one perfect package so you’re reminded to have yet another facial right around the time you ought to be breaking in your bridal shoes…TIP: wear tube socks over your heels to keep them whitey white white white.
In other instances the beauty timelines stand alone, like one I found at Chopstick Bride, which advises brides-to-be to start treating acne one year before the wedding, schedule four to six acid peels six months before the wedding, and begin drinking a gallon of water per day at a month before the wedding. Sadly, they offer no advice at all with regard to explaining those frequent bathroom breaks to coworkers and friends.
As silly as the gallon rule is, the treatments recommended on these lists are fairly non-invasive. It’s standard stuff–exfoliate, use a little cellulite cream, pat some soothing eye gel on those bags, and get plenty of sleep. These are guidelines more of us should probably take to heart whether or not we’re actually getting hitched.
However, the days of moderate pre-nuptial beauty regimens may be numbered, according to a Guardian article.
A recent report in Newsweek magazine highlighted the lengths that US women are going to in preparation for their wedding day, including teeth-straightening, Botox and extreme dieting. It cited academic research that found that 70% of US women who were engaged were trying to lose more than 20lb in time for their wedding, and a further 20% were closely monitoring their weight.
Of those who were trying to lose weight, more than 20% were taking an approach that the researchers perceived as “extreme”, including downing laxatives, vomiting after meals and adopting a new-found smoking habit as a way to stave off hunger pangs.
A bridal body image survey for You & Your Wedding magazine reveals that 91% of respondents intend to lose weight for their wedding, 7% are planning to have rhinoplasty, 8% are opting for breast enlargements and 5% are preparing for a breast reduction.
Now I’m all for looking one’s best–I’m pro facials, eyebrow shaping, and all that–but the thought of this new bridal beauty checklist that’s gaining popularity leaves me a bit queasy. It also doesn’t particularly lend itself to structured planning…
How many months or weeks before the wedding should I get my Botox injections to be sure they won’t wear off mid-vow, leaving me looking like the shar pei I apparently am? How soon should I schedule my surgeries to ensure that I don’t look stitched together like the Bride of Frankenstein? How many miles do I need to run to burn off the small undressed salad I had for lunch?
I’m going to say something I’ve said many times before, here, in wedding forums, and in iDo. You may be sick of hearing it, but when your man (or your woman) asked you to marry him (or her), you looked a certain way. Maybe that involved a few extra pounds or a bushy brow line, and maybe it didn’t.
In fact, it’s highly unlikely that your fiance (or fiancee) is looking forward to seeing you model skinny, model young, or model perfect. That’s why I just have to scream AAARGH! when I hear about shows like WEs Bulging Brides. No, your intended is just looking forward to seeing YOU, in all your wonderful you-ish glory. So get that chocolate scrub, get an eyelash perm, and learn how to properly deal with cuticles if you must, but if you’re considering going on a nutty crash diet or getting your boobs done just for the occasion, please think twice.