Manolo for the Brides

Itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny yellow polkadot bikinis? I say, whatever floats your boat. Itty-bitty bridesmaids’ dresses? Er, I’m really not so keen on them. THREAD recently introduced a line of duchess satin mini dresses that I must presume are being marketed toward female wedding attendants.

I can’t say that they’re not cute — because they are — but I keep picturing them on waifish models strolling the streets of New York City. When I try to envision these dresses on bridesmaids, my brain rebels. Bridesmaids come in all shapes and sizes, but 95% of those shapes are sizes usually shy away from dresses that can be described as “mini.”

With the exception of the Carolyn style, they’re not THAT short, by which I mean they’re not “Central American short.” But are they wedding appropriate? And heres’s another thought: Why are they almost universally more expensive than the much more substantial duchess satin dresses on the site? I’d hoped they’d be slightly cheaper!

My verdict is that I like these frocks, but I wouldn’t ask my bridesmaids to wear them. HATE wins again, I suppose. What say you?

I tend to think of the items on the common wedding registry as being fairly unisex. Everyone…okay, almost everyone…uses things like plates and glasses, deli slicers, and toolboxes. Then again, plenty of wedding registries I’ve seen have included stuff like iron sconces and votive holders. If you think decorative items are intrinsically feminine, then I suppose plenty of registries do err on the side of girly.

But is the answer a wedding registry designed specifically for dudes? The Man Registry claims to be the worlds first registry that puts the Reggie back into registries. (Hey, you try making a good registry pun!)

TheManRegistry.com is the world’s first wedding gift registry for grooms. We offer hundreds of products geared specifically toward men. The days of men being content with dishes, hand towels, and linens as wedding gifts are over. With The Man Registry, grooms everywhere can pick out the barbecue grills, tools, bar glasses, and electronics they’ll need to start their new marriage.

Three brothers started TheManRegistry.com in 2007 when they noticed that many of their close friends and family were getting married, but too often were registered for gifts that were strictly geared toward the kitchen. Where were the gifts that the groom could get excited about? It was clear that creating a wedding registry tailored to grooms was necessary.

Some of the products listed in their Top Ten include the Black & Decker Cordless Screwdriver and the Pharos Science 3.5 GPS Navigator. Now, correct me if I’m way off base here, but I would say that nearly every single female I know has both a screwdriver set and a GPS. I can’t say I like the fact that The Man Registry is pushing these things as toys for boys and spreading the myth that chicks all lust after hand towels.

I guess I am just not seeing why an entirely separate man-oriented registry is necessary when many department stores have both linens and power tools. Why are grooms-to-be who want to set up a killer bar not simply adding shot glasses and cocktail shakers to their registries? Have their brides truly taken complete control over all gift options, or are they just looking for something to whine about? I feel like the guys who created the Man Registry said, “I know, let’s create a fake problem so we can make money by providing a solution!”

On a scale of one to ten, I would skip the numerical system altogether and rate this site as pretty pointless.

Writer and filmmaker Elise Mac Adam certainly knows her stuff, if her essays on Indiebride are any indication. Those quirky columns were my introduction to her sharp, spot-on way of schooling brides-to-be — and everyone else — in the fine art of etiquette. I remember looking through the site’s archives (Dear Indiebride, Update your site more often, Kthnxbye) and being tickled by these words:

“Bridezilla” is a special kind of insult — too cute to mean anything serious, yet devastatingly demeaning. To call a woman “Bridezilla,” even if her prima donna antics put Diana Ross to shame, categorizes her bad behavior as a comic “syndrome.”

So when I was offered an opportunity to check out Mac Adam’s new book, Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone in Between, I naturally said, “Heck yeah! Send it over!” Then, of course, life intervened and I had no time at all to read, which is why the book has been sitting on my coffee table for the last month.

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Yes, once again it’s time to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness! You guys know the drill: I post a picture, you reply with your best captions, and next saturday I declare a winner. And here’s the image.

Ready…set…snark!

Watching too many wedding reality shows can do strange things to your head. Over the months in which I’ve been writing this blog on weekends, I’ve started watching way too many of these shows. Frankly, I consider it part of my job to know what sort of crap non-advice is lurking in the shadows, as well as what’s worth tuning in to get some great tips.

For the most part, these shows are definitely the nasty things lurking under the bed in terms of advice. Watched uncritically, one could quickly come to the conclusion that weddings cannot be done on a reasonable budget, and that failing to overspend is the worst thing you can do on your big day short of actually assaulting someone. Brides (and far more often grooms and fathers) are berated for asking the simple question ‘does that fit in the budget?’ or for saying outright ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t afford that.’ The rare bride on these shows who dares to ask how something is to be paid for is looked upon with a combination of pity and horror. The men just get ignored with a wink and a smirk.

Then at the end of the show, the prices get toted up (well, on some shows; most don’t ever tell you how badly the budget was blown), and we learn that a pretty pedestrian wedding costs an arm, a leg, and possibly an internal organ or two. After a while, it’s easy to drink the Kook Aid and agree that budgets are made to be ignored.

Don’t fall for this attitude.

Yes, your wedding is important. Choosing to spend your life with someone is a monumental decision that deserves to be treated with due pomp and circumstance. It’s a big deal emotionally, socially, and – for many – spiritually.

At the end of the day, though, it’s…well…one day. It’s flat-out foolish to spend the next five or six years paying for one day’s activities, no matter how important they are.

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For a long time, I was an advocate of looking for wedding-ish gowns amid the prom dresses. Then I noticed that today’s prom styles have more cut-outs than a paper snowflake. I’m talking about frocks so risqué I can’t help but say things like “Back in my day, we wore dresses that covered our belly buttons! And we walked ten miles to and from the prom in the driving snow in peep toe pumps! You don’t know how good you have it!” I’m only twenty-eight…I shouldn’t be talking like that, right?

Consequently, I’m not so quick to suggest that brides-to-be poke around the prom gowns anymore. That’s not to say that one can’t save a buck or two in the teen section, but the selection of wedding-appropriate frocks simply isn’t as large as it used to be. The best prom/wedding hybrids I’ve found thus far come from designer Sherri Hill. I like her dresses so much that I’m currently constructing a time machine so I can go back and wear one at my own wedding. I’ll let you know how that goes.

There isn’t a lot of white in Sherri’s collection, but who cares? Color is in!

These two chiffon styles would work equally well on the bride or on her bridesmaids. I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a sucker for pink, but I think I like these dresses in particular because they remind me so much of this one.

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Following on the heels of those ubiquitous bridal checklists, you’ll find the slightly less common bridal beauty timelines. Sometimes they’re squished into one perfect package so you’re reminded to have yet another facial right around the time you ought to be breaking in your bridal shoes…TIP: wear tube socks over your heels to keep them whitey white white white.

In other instances the beauty timelines stand alone, like one I found at Chopstick Bride, which advises brides-to-be to start treating acne one year before the wedding, schedule four to six acid peels six months before the wedding, and begin drinking a gallon of water per day at a month before the wedding. Sadly, they offer no advice at all with regard to explaining those frequent bathroom breaks to coworkers and friends.

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You know what is truly fantastic? Ill tell you: When I come across a designer’s web page that doesn’t use all manner of Flash, so I can actually pull some images without having to resort to PrtScn–>Paint–>The Gimp. Jesus Peiro, I thank you for your use of plain old jpegs!

Damn, that is just gorgeous — perfect for those looking for a little shoulder and décolletage coverage. I usually like a little more flare in the hips, but if you’ve got kind of a flat tummy (or some super foundation garments) why ruin a good straight line? I think the classic simplicity is what I love best.

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