Comments on: Oh noes — apparently, I was missing out!

By: BunnyBlue

BunnyBlue — Sun, 11 May 2008 02:44:55 +0000

These lists really do both you. The line about your dad taking you out to dinner REALLY bothered me. How about taking your parents out to dinner and pay for it!! Not play “how deep is Daddy’s wallet!” I agree these lists are bogus.

By: Nariya

Nariya — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:50:43 +0000

I agree with Tizzy; I didn’t live alone and never liked the idea. I lived with roommates, and that was good enough for me. I hope to remain a competent enough member (read: half) of my household so that at any given point, I can do anything the house requires short of lifting sofas single-handedly.

The rest of it is dumb. I got married because the man I married fits my lifestyle, and I fit his. I didn’t sacrifice anything for him except for possibly dating other guys, but why would I want to date other guys when I’d already found the one who was right for me? If I really wanted fuzzy wallaper in the kitchen or whatever and it was important enough to me, I could probably still have it. And stamps on a passport? We’ll do it together, or I’ll go with a friend, or whatever happens to work out! Marriage isn’t really much of a limitation to life.

By: Johanna

Johanna — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:37:54 +0000

There are a lot of things I envy about my single girlfriends’ lives: their freedom, spur-of-the-moment fun and reckless affairs. But even with the obvious need to negotiate smaller and larger decisions, double limitations for moving abroad and lacking the previous freedoms, I think I’m better off. The pros of being single don’t suit everybody.

I did try the hunk with the abs, I did drool over band posters, I did study abroad. But the most important things from before this relationship, meaning the things that let me know this time it’s right, were (1.) living alone and (2.) living with someone who was wrong for me. He was a great guy but totally unsuitable with my personality for mental and practical reasons, but when I was with him I didn’t know how much easier it could be with someone else due to lack of experience.

Of course it sounds weird to wish for something that’s “wrong” but I really think I learned so much from those years. After that high school sweetheart relationship I lived alone for about a year, learned a whole lot about myself, as in grew up, and got ready for where I am now (getting married).

Apart from those previously mentioned things I don’t see what I would ever need or want to do that I couldn’t as a Mrs.

By: Bridey

Bridey — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:48:45 +0000

Perhaps the most important thing a single girl can do “before she gets married” is to accept that she might never be married — and that that’s not a sign of failure or a tragedy.

Marriage isn’t right for some people, and it just doesn’t happen for others, and basing one’s life on speculations and “somedays” isn’t the best thing for anybody.

I do agree that living alone is worth trying, perhaps especially if you doubt you can handle it. Of course, I’ve lived alone for 21 years, and am no longer fit to live with anything but a cat =^..^=

By: Melissa B.

Melissa B. — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:13:09 +0000

I’m with JaneC — I did live alone for a year (and liked it OK) but I learned the most about paying bills, decorating, dealing with the landlord/superintendent, and home repairs living with a roommate in an apartment building with, um, let’s say “a lot of character.” “Living with someone” doesn’t always mean “living with someone who does all of life’s dirty work for you.”

On a related note: parents, before you let your kids move out of the house, make sure they know how to plunge a toilet! I was the only one of my college roommates who knew how to do this. It is an absolutely essential skill.

By: JaneC

JaneC — Tue, 06 May 2008 18:53:19 +0000

Rabrab–I assure you that living with other people never meant that I didn’t learn how to do my taxes, negotiate with landlords, or make minor home repairs. I negotiated with the landlord when I had roommates, and I learned to do my taxes and make home repairs when I was in high school, and none of those duties have stopped since I married. Maybe some women are content to let the men in their lives handle those things, but my husband and I have little need for “traditional” male and female household roles–he likes to cook, and I wield the power drill.
You’re right that it’s easier to avoid those things if you have another person living with you, but that can be solved by adjusting your attitude and by the person that lives with you not allowing you to pawn all the dirty jobs off on them. Living alone not required.

By: Tizzy

Tizzy — Tue, 06 May 2008 18:24:26 +0000

I could never live alone. I’m a social person and I wouldn’t be happy living alone. In my adult life I’ve lived with my mother, in a dorm and with my boyfriend but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to pay my own bills. If living with Mr. Right means that you don’t how to pay your bills or use a drill you’ve got issues that go deeper than the fact that you never lived alone.

Perhaps I’ll change my mind later (I’m only 22) but I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. If anything I get to things that my peers don’t because my life has more financial and emotional stability. That includes travel and buying throw pillows. (He’s another one that says “I don’t see the point, but if you want to, go ahead.”)

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:09:30 +0000

I can’t think of much that I’d recommend before someone got married–maybe more slumber parties–but I could make a big list of things to do before you have kids.

By: rabrab

rabrab — Tue, 06 May 2008 05:36:02 +0000

JaneC, about living alone: You don’t need to like it, and you don’t need to do it for over six months, but I do think that it gives you a set of experiences that it’s easier to avoid if you have always had someone else around. Things like negotiating with the landlord about repairs and decorating, dealing with service people, and handling minor repairs. My first live-in moved in with me straight out of the dorms at college and it took him a while to realize that he had to plan ahead to do laundry, because the laundry room in the apartment building closed at 11:00pm. The one in the dorms had been in the basement and open all the time, so he could run laundry at 3:00 am if that’s when he realized that he was out of clean underwear. Before that, he’d been at home, and his mom made sure that the laundry was done.

I did think of one thing that it’s hard to do once you’re married, but I don’t know that it’s something everyone should do: take a spur-of-the-moment, I’m-going ————> thatway-until-I-get-tired-of-driving-or-find-something-interesting roadtrip

By: Never teh Bride

Never teh Bride — Tue, 06 May 2008 00:56:46 +0000

Sorry to all who had commenting problems today — for some reason the spam catcher was extra insane today and caught all sorts of things that were not spam.