Manolo for the Brides

No one threw a bachelorette party for me. I know, wah wah wah. My bridal shower ended up being slightly weird because a goodly handful of my friends never received invitations. This was probably due in part to the fact that my MOH was 16 years old. All I know is that I dutifully gave up the names and contact info they asked me to provide and that’s where my responsibility ended.

I heard from numerous girlfriends in the days leading up to the affair, all of whom were sooo sorry they couldn’t attend but they’d only just heard about it and simply couldn’t travel out of state on such short notice. At the time I was too busy working three jobs and planning a wedding to lost much sleep over it, but it was a tad disappointing.

To make a long story even longer, a bachelorette party would have been nice, but the only person who suggested one was my soon-to-be ex-stepmother and her idea of a good bachelorette party is going out for a rowdy evening with the gals the night before the wedding. Get hitched with a hangover? No thanks!

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We’ve talked about weddingish regrets more than a few times here at MftB, and it truly is a bittersweet exercise. On one hand, it’s fun to keep looking at favors and frocks and flowers when one has no reason to buy them. On the other hand, it can make one question decisions already made…choices that can’t be taken back.

Now, when I start thinking “oh I wish I’d done/bought/used such-and-such a thing” I just plan a fabulous house party that incorporates all those products and ideas. Favors aren’t just for kiddie birthdays and weddings. Brides don’t have a monopoly on fresh blooms. And there’s no reason not to dress to the nines if you feel comfortable in a gown…the trick is learning to feel comfortable in a gown when everyone else is wearing slacks. Master that, and you’re golden!

The number one thing I wish I’d known about would have to be Bluefly. I didn’t start seriously thinking of this shop to end all shops as a source for reasonably priced, re-wearable bridesmaids’ garb until after I’d had a pickle of a time badgering my own ‘maids into picking something, anything, because we’re really getting down to the wire, here. Maybe telling them to go to Bluefly would have made everything easier for everyone…then again, probably not.

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Happy Mother’s Day, everyone, from Twistie and Never Teh Bride!

Speaking of mothers…

I have a couple questions about the role of the mother of the bride in modern weddings. I hope this will encourage a lively discussion.

What role did/do you expect your mother to play in your wedding planning? Is/was it her show? Yours with her input? None of her business?

What about mother of the bride outfits? Something you want(ed)? Something she want(ed)? Or something you both feel/felt is/was unimportant? Are/were the choices designed for the purpose too frumpy? Too sexy? Just right?

Any other thoughts on the subject?

Last week was wedding week on the Food Network. I didn’t catch everything by a longshot, but I did make certain to watch at least a few shows. Shut up. It was research. Really. It wasn’t just a chance to gawk at pretty cakes and snark on wedding gowns and decide how I would have done things differently. It wasn’t. It was a selfless search for wedding knowledge to pass on to my loyal readers…and just a little bit of an excuse to gawk and snark and so on.

Anyway, I saw two shows about a show I’d never heard of before, but now intend to watch for news about with eagerness: The Oklahoma State Sugar Arts Show Wedding Cake Contest. I couldn’t believe some of the things I was seeing on television. Of course, it seemed the cameras cut away far too quickly from the ones that I found most intriguing from a distance, but one day I’d love to come visit the show. Contestants come literally from all over the world to compete (one of the shows aired followed four contestants in their bid for sugar art fame, including one man from Sri Lanka), but only the best of the best take home prizes.

Of course, after watching all of that, I found myself wanting to peruse more cakes. I didn’t have a cake at my wedding. I don’t in any way regret that, mind. It was virtually the only thing I managed to do for Mr. Twistie, who is not fond of cake, because it was nearly the only opinion he expressed. Besides, those individual fruit tarts were a huge hit with our guests. But every now and again, I want a really gorgeous cake with fabulous decorations and I don’t really have an excuse to go out and have one made. A bit of window shopping usually scratches that itch and allows me to go on without regret. Usually.

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Torrid sells wedding dresses? The long and the short of it is yes:

Long? Short? Get it? Damn…it’s hard to be witty on a rainy, gloomy Friday when there’s laundry that needs folding and garlic asking to be chopped and a bag that simply has to be sewn by tomorrow because it’s supposed to be a gift long overdue. Gah!

If the two dresses above aren’t to your liking, go and check out their other bridal offerings. Pickings are still slim in the Torrid Bride world, and they don’t exactly make the line easy to locate on the web site, but at $140 to $220 there’s no reason not to take a quick peek!

Toilet paper wedding gowns have hit the international scene! In the tradition of the great grand annual Cheap Chic Weddings Toilet Paper Wedding Gown Contest, a New Zealand wedding expo decided to promote itself by hosting its own version of the contest.

I’m guessing that toilet paper producer Cottonsofts was a sponsor the contest, considering the rules were pretty specific when it came to just how much Cottonsofts participants were allowed to use (hint: two four-packs of the double length).

The winner, pictured above thanks to Stuff.co.uk, was one Vicky Heir. Good for her, I say. I wouldn’t have the slightest notion as to how to begin crafting an entire gown out of TP. It’s more than tough enough to get my sewing machine to behave when I’m dealing with plain cotton. I imagine crafting with toilet paper requires a great deal of sticky glue and a very steady hand.

Even though the contest took place some time ago, I can’t seem to find out if Ms. Heir won anything other than tickets to the expo. If I were the winner, I’d be hoping for something more like an opportunity to go to, say, a pool party with New Zealand’s sexiest exports. But that’s just me…

I’ve never been able to pull off the one shoulder/one strap look made popular by movies such as Fame. I do have great shoulders, if I might be allowed to brag just this once, but I prefer exposing them both or hiding them both. Having one shoulder peeking out just feels plain weird. I’m always a little afraid that whatever I’m wearing is going to fall off!

And yet I know my opinion counts for very little because asymmetry is in. Even when hemlines run parallel to the floor, there are diagonal overskirts, listing waistlines, and necklines in need of some V-8.

An asymmetrical neckline from Lara Hélène:

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Grays, gunmetals, pewters, and silver are hot right now. So here are two dresses for two bridesmaids who are taking part in what are obviously two very different weddings:

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What’s more fun than folding laundry and only slightly less fun than attending one’s own wedding? Watching other people’s wedding videos, of course! Thank goodness everyone and their sister now posts their reception vids to YouTube so we can all gawk at all the crazy antics perpetrated by drunken relatives, cranky kiddies, and the even–or should I say especially–the bride and groom.

How else would those of us who went the traditional route and learned to fox trot know that it’s all right to do a Hammer Time first dance duet instead of the boring old seventh-grade shuffle?

Some of the kooky couples who ditched All I Ask of You for something funkier have gotten flack from critics who say a first dance should not be a performance. To that I say an impassioned, “Whateverrrrrrr.” I’m just jealous that I couldn’t convince The Beard to go all out and let me come up with a wicked complex song and dance number!

If you’re keen to take your first dance to the next level, watch the videos below and take notes.

Surprise everyone:

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