Manolo for the Brides

I rather dislike “X things to do before you X” lists. Why the ambivalent rancor? Well, it seems to me that the best examples of those lists are tailor made to make you feel inadequate if you happen upon them after “you turn 21,” “you have kids,” or “you meet Mr./Mrs. Right.” I know they’re just guidelines, but who’s to say that my X things will be the same as your X things or her X things or his X things?

I was once a single girl who wondered how life would change when I tied the knot, and I’m glad I never stumbled upon MSN’s list of “Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry.” It seems to paint a pretty bleak picture of married life…one in which you can’t eat ice cream for dinner or throw crazy parties or put your coffee machine in the bathroom if you really, really want to.

Here are some of the highlights from MSN’s (and Cosmo’s, too) list of suuuuuper important pre-nuptial things to do:

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One of my favorite quirks of historical jewelry is the poesy ring. Popular from the fifteenth to the seventeenth century in France and England, these rings were engraved with phrases on the outside where everyone could read them. Later the inscriptions moved to the interior of the band, but I love this particular form of wearing your heart on your…um…finger.

During their heyday, poesy rings were often given as engagement or wedding rings, as well as to symbolize friendship. The poetry was sometimes a bit questionable, but there’s a sincere charm to them that speaks to me. After all, how can anyone resist the sweetness of a sentiment like:

I DID COMMIT NO ACT OF FOLLY
WHEN I MARRIED MY SWEET MOLLY

If I needed to replace my wedding ring for some reason, I would probably want a poesy ring. Luckily, there are some modern sources so I wouldn’t have to figure out how to liberate one from the Victoria and Albert or the Ashmolean museum.

This ring, for instance, says Pulse of My Heart in Gaelic. What is there to say after that?

But if that isn’t a phrase that floats your boat, the same site carries poesy rings in: Hebrew, Chinese, French, German, Spanish, and Russian as well. The rings themselves are available in most designs in sterling silver, 14k yellow gold, 14k white gold, and platinum. Some designs are also available in 18k gold.

Now, I wonder if I can find a company that will do custom poesy rings so I can get one with that delightful verse in praise of Molly….

Recently, I watched an episode of the WE TV series Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?, that blandly unconsidered look into the world of wedding planning. This episode, however, was more interesting than most. It was a look back at several couples featured on the show with updates about their lives and marriages. The first couple profiled had had a bad first year of marriage. In fact, they’d been on the verge of divorce around the eight month mark.

How can any couple hit the skids that hard that fast? Well, listening to the bride was like hearing a recipe for disaster in the making.

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Item one is a snapshot (from Slate’s Today’s Pictures feature) of a French bride-to-be making her way to the town hall in 1975. Typically, I’m not a fan of gowns embellished with lots of furry ball things, but somehow I can’t help thinking that this dress was impossibly gorgeous. Maybe it’s the wind and maybe it’s thoughts of romance, but I desperately want to see the same picture as taken from the front.

Item two is the story of Britain’s oldest bride, 94-year-old Bess Atkins. She and 86-year-old Winston Barraclough first met while he was volunteering as a driver for a hospital. During that first fateful drive, he actually stopped to buy her a box of chocolates! I hope that someone’s buying me chocolates when I’m almost halfway through my nineties.

Atkins said Barraclough proposed in January on New Year’s Day.

“I thought it was some medical problem and feared the worst,” she said. “He said: ‘Will you be my wife please. I would love to marry you.’ I was totally shocked but I said yes, that would be lovely.”

The pair married at St. Nicholas Church, the same ceremony venue at which Atkins married her first husband in 1939. She said marrying in the same church was lovely and brought back “a lot of happy memories.”

Wonderful, no?

There is no hard and fast rule that states brides must walk down aisle wearing poufy white gowns that eat up six percent of their total wedding budgets. I can’t stress it enough! It is absolutely up to each individual bride to decide whether she’ll wear satin and lace, comfortable and colorful cotton, or a t-shirt and jeans. As I’ve said many times in the past, those who say their I dos in shorts and a tank top are no less married as a result.

Plenty of brides-to-be, ensnared as they are in the mishmash of ideas promoted by the WIC, think in terms of absolutes. They envision either a creamy confection of hand-sewn silk or a bright white bikini a la vintage (and not so vintage) Pamela Anderson. Middle of the road gowns are seen as being for bridesmaids and moms.

Brides-to-be looking for something in between (and I know they exist because I’ve met them) should check out One Kind Couture. A certain Marie of Portland, Oregon creates feminine and figure-flattering dresses designed for “real women with all of her soft curves.” Her off-the-rack frocks are reasonably priced–think $100 to $450–and she’s happy to modify existing designs by varying the fabric, cut, or hem.

Marie also accepts custom orders, which sounds good to me considering her creed is “Fashion is about looking and feeling beautiful, so let’s create something that makes you feel like a goddess!” I’ve been sick for the last three days, and at this point I’m searching for something…anything…that will make me feel like a goddess.