Comments on: A Real Simple Way to Court Disaster

By: Nariya

Nariya — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:19:58 +0000

When I got married a short while ago, my parents offered to pay for everything. Strings were attached, of course, but we lived wtih them. His parents could easily have afforded to pay for half the wedding, but they didn’t. This resulted in a couple of awkward conversations with my fiance and my mother, but as the wedding was to be exactly how my side of the family wanted it, things worked out just fine.

I mean, awkward moments are bound to happen in wedding planning no matter what. Why hasten their arrival by setting up dinner parties around them?

By: Evie

Evie — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:18:10 +0000

It’s always so refreshing to read the posts and comments on this blog!! I’m young (23) and getting married in about three months. Our parents have happily and graciously offered us a reasonable (meaning, something they can actually afford) amount of money for the event because they view it as an important tradition. My very sentimental dad, in particular, looks at it as the last big gift you give your children before you completely set them free, and would throw me a big princess wedding if I let him

Mind you, I’ve been financially independent since I started college and generally refuse money from my folks, but I certainly don’t mind saving some cash in this case. Still, I can’t help but bristle when it seems like every other young bride on the planet is involved in this massive conspiracy to get mommy and daddy to foot the mile long bill for some childhood princess fairytale. I’ve actually had women suggest means far worse than a dinner party to con my parents into paying more!!

By: La BellaDonna

La BellaDonna — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:09:28 +0000

Holy Mary, Mother of God. I married at twenty and *I* paid for my wedding. (No, not “we,” but that, as it turned out, was another can of worms.) I didn’t hit my parents or grandparents up for money, I didn’t hit his family up for money, hell, I didn’t hit him up for money.

I am just speechless at the behaviour some people seem to find perfectly acceptable.

By: Eires32

Eires32 — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:45:11 +0000

Thank you for speaking up about that horrible article. I was recently stuck in the airport and picked up that issue as well. And I had the exact same reaction to the exact same bits! Truly appalling!
However, I am a subscriber to and fan of Real Simple, as much as I sorta kinda agree with the criticisms above. Mainly for the recipes. I have a three ring binder stuffed with all kinds of recipes from the past 5 years, and I use it all the time. My subscription price has been more than paid for with successful dinner parties and happy friends and family!
I’ve never commented before either – really enjoy your postings Twistie.

By: Twistie

Twistie — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:12:22 +0000

Fillyjonk, your situation with your FMIL is definitely not the sort that this article would have helped with. And how rude is it of them to basically try to get couples to get their parents into a pitched battle to make sure to top each other? I think you and your guy have definitely taken the right tack with taking care of the situation you find yourselves in. It might not hurt for you to send your FMIL an email of your own assuring her from your end that all you need from her is her love and support, too. Such a message coming directly from the bride might help her understand that’s really all you need from her…that is, if you haven’t sent such a message yourself already.

Some parents need more reassurance than others when they don’t have money to contribute. That, indeed, is a situation, as opposed to the artificial one the artcle sought to create.

Leah, I think I love you for that description of a wedding as “My Super Sweet 16 with more tulle”. There seem to be far too many people who think that’s precisely what a wedding is. It can be, certainly, but I usually prefer the ones that take a more adult approach.

By: Leah

Leah — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:06:31 +0000

I have never been good at asking for anything, much less money, so this whole concept has me a bit befuddled. If you are grown-up enough to get married, you are grown-up enough to pay for it, or at least enough to recognize that your wedding is not “My Super Sweet 16″ with more tulle. If you are not prepared to be financially independent from your parents you are not prepared to be married. Plan the wedding you can afford, and if others would like to help, accept their gift graciously.

By: Fillyjonk

Fillyjonk — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:46:13 +0000

This … is not actually a “situation” that needs to be “handled.”

It can be, actually. My FMIL can’t afford to contribute nor do we need or expect her to, but she feels bad about it. There’s definitely been some “handling,” mostly to the tune of my boyfriend writing her soothing emails about how her love and support are really all we need. But try really making someone believe that, when they think they should be contributing money.

Not that I expect Real Simple Weddings to have particularly sound, compassionate advice on that sort of handling. In fact when I first saw the title of this post, I assumed it referred to reading wedding magazines in the first place.

By: Abby

Abby — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:36:52 +0000

I confess I love Real Simple, because the photographs of clean, uncluttered living spaces make me feel peaceful. I never actually _do_ any of the things they suggest, but their calming voice makes me imagine that someday I could. (This is probably the “someday” that includes a ridiculously expensive beach “cottage” with an invisible staff for keeping the coffee table uncovered by stupidly aspirational magazines.)

By: Twistie

Twistie — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:17:08 +0000

Annalucia, there is not a wedding magazine in circulation that doesn’t have the twelve-month (or eitghteen-month, or six-month) countdown to wedding planning. It’s an article that can run every single issue and only needs to be updated when the wedding industry comes up with a new ‘must-have/do’ for the bride to keep track of. I was expecting some version of it. The money advice, though, was so headed for disaster that I just had to say something about it.

(passes the Annalucia another Black Russian and a cold compress)

I do hope you feel better soon.

By: Annalucia

Annalucia — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:28:05 +0000

The alarm bells, they went off in the Annalucia’s head as soon as she saw the phrase “your twelve-month countdown to planning.” And what followed upon that was so horrifying that she had to drink a soothing Black Russian and lie down with the cold compress upon the forehead.