Manolo for the Brides

A few days ago I found myself at the local mall over lunchtime entirely sans reading material or a companion. I have no problem eating alone, but if that’s what I’m going to do, I prefer to have a book or a magazine in my hand. Going home where all my books live wasn’t an option since I had more shopping to do (it takes fortitude and visits to several stores to find lightweight summer pants, sometimes), so I headed for the lovely brand-spanking-new Borders that had just replaced the anemic little Waldenbooks we used to have. Same corporate masters, much bigger store.

I marched in and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Dozens of bridal magazines smack dab in my face almost as soon as I was through the door. The one that really caught my eye, however, was a Real Simple special wedding publication. I rather liked the clean, fuss-free imagery on the cover of a bride (well, most of her, since we see her pretty much only from about mid-torso to toes) sitting holding a simple bouquet composed of several large, plump, purple hydrangeas and a few glossy green leaves tied with pale blue ribbon. Her shoes are ballet flats. The gown is unadorned. In short, it looked all about the simple, the stripped down, and yet the elegantly lovely.

Even the tag line at the bottom of the magazine cover looked like the sort of philosophy I have always liked best: ‘Your personalized plan for a stress-free, beautiful celebration.’ Who wouldn’t want that? I snapped up the magazine and proceeded to read it with growing gawk over lunch.

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When I was choosing my wedding colors, green scared me. It seemed too bright for my daytime outdoor wedding in the height of summertime. Now I’m seeing all of these wonderful green, black, and white inspiration boards on the other wedding blogs, and said green is beautifully vivid and not garish at all.

I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t have been afraid of green. After all, I love all green flowers without exception and almost anything limey or appley is all right with me!

So here I am posting my own floral inspiration board with images from The Art of Flower and Old Town Florist in the hopes that it will perhaps inspire some of you.

And for the record, let me also say that you shouldn’t ever fear color. I mean any color! The blue-jay blue, hot cherry red, or Sunkist orange you’re picturing in your mind may seem like too much for a wedding, but don’t discount it until you’ve done your homework. I’d wager that there are at least some pictures of weddings employing said hues out there in Internetland. You may just discover it’s everything you’re hoping for and more!

If you want to tell the world that either you or your spouse is a dedicated commitmentphobe, there’s no shortage of cake toppers that will help you do just that. Perhaps you had to carry your man to the altar? Or reel him in with a fly fisherman’s gentle touch? Are you ready to choke him for waiting for so long?

Notice a trend? In case it doesn’t jump right out at you, I’ll spell it out: It’s always the poor little plastic groom that’s being dragged around, forced into matrimony, or even physically injured!

Thank goodness for Archie McPhee, right? Finally, someone is manufacturing a tacky cake topper for those heterosexual couples in which it’s the lady-half who isn’t quite ready to say “I do.”

As you probably already have guessed, I HATE it, but that’s because I generally hate all cake toppers that aren’t something kooky like Matchbox racers or action figures. I’m kind of enamored with the notion that someone thinks there is enough of a demand for guy-dragging-girl toppers. At least they’re ready to admit that not all men secretly want to stay swingin’ single and not all women are frothing at the bit to get married.

Is this what modern-day gender equality looks like? Yeesh!

Here are four cool alternatives to fresh flowers, all of which can be found on Etsy. They’re all over the map when it comes to prices, from perhaps excessively expensive to entirely reasonable.

I’m curious to know where you think each bouquet belongs on the price continum. Is the crystal bouquet the most expensive? Do the paper blooms fall squarely in the middle? Give us your guesses in the comments!

If you want to check your answers, you can find the bead bouquet here, the crystal bouquet here, the hand-shaped claycraft bouquet here, and the paper bouquet here.

I know a goodly number of you are addicted to the WE channel train wrecks like Bridezillas and ::vomit:: Bulging Brides. As disgusted as I usually am by the brides-to-be on these shows, we can certainly agree on one thing. Getting an inside look at the intimate details of other people’s weddings is a guilty good time.

The couple above? They’re Sarah Lucas and Jonathon Kass. I know that he — a policy analyst and legislative aide to a city councilman in Washington — has major issues with indecision. She’s into boats and prefers to jump feet first into life’s choppy waters. And it took Kass eight months to finally decide that kissing Lucas would indeed be a good idea.

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It’s been said that the reason most people love to watch acrobatics soar through the air is that they’re hoping to see at least one tights-clad performer go splat. If that’s true, it would explain the glee I feel when looking at some of the dresses in Vera Wang’s spring 2009 collection.

Oh, some of the frocks are lovely — this one, for example, is beautiful but rather boring — but many are absolutely horrid. Most, however, would look right at home in an episode of classic Star Trek. I’m looking at this one, in particular.

Now this gown covers the midsection with a big ol’ scrunched up mess of fabric, and if there’s anything ladies like, it’s embellishments that emphasize (and add girth to) their midsections. Wait, I have that backward — that’s precisely what 99.9% of brides-to-be DON’T like. But maybe I’m being too hash… Is this dress in the process of spawning? Is that how new gowns come into the world? Ah, the miracle of life!

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When you head to either your friendly neighborhood caterer, your own cookbook shelf, or your favorite group of church ladies to work out your wedding reception menu, a great many concerns will affect your final choices: price, personal taste, known food issues among your nearest and dearest (allergies, moral or religious dietary restrictions, cousin Wendy’s legendary phobia of Brussels sprouts), cultural expectations, etc.

But there’s one thing that most likely won’t even enter your thoughts: availability.

We’re spoiled for choice today. If strawberries aren’t in season, we can get them from another hemisphere or an agricultural concern that creates the correct circumstances for strawberries to grow all year round. If we want lemongrass, it doesn’t have to grow nearby. Freezing techniques allow us to have duck, venison, or lamb whatever the time of year. Corn on the cob in December? Not a problem.

Back through the mists of time, though, what you ate depended far more heavily on where you were and what time of year it happened to be. If you wanted oysters but lived inland, you might well be out of luck. If the only fruit trees in the local orchards were apple and peach, then good luck coming up with oranges. Oh, and if you wanted a cake, it took much stronger arms to whisk the ingredients since you wouldn’t have a nice stand mixer to whip the butter and eggs for you. Excuse me for a moment while I go pet my KitchenAid.

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A good friend recently forwarded a Newsweek article to me about extravagant - excuse me, extreme - wedding trends. Number two on the list was the dreaded Bridesmaid Pre-Nuptual Agreement, or bridesmaid contract.

While the brides interviewed for this part of the article a) refused to give their names and b) were not directly quoted, the article assures us that lots of brides are doing this in order to make sure they have perfect wedding days. After all, if a bridesmaid neglects her skin for a few weeks and winds up with a zit that morning, or she dares to wear her eyebrow ring, we all know the entire wedding will be ruined! Let us not even whisper of the vileness of a bridesmaid who gets pregnant before Myyyyy Daaaayyyyyyy!

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The beautiful Francesca has been celebrating BBB — that would be “big beautiful brides” — over at Manolo for the Big Girl as of late, and I thought I’d hop on the bandwagon. Two posts, both inspired by reader questions, sparked the convo, and I thought I’d put in my two cents.

The first inquiry came from a bride-to-be who feels slighted by the salons she’s visited, but is afraid to buy her gown online because of the rigid no-return policies many online bridal shops have adopted.

She also wants to look like a princess while spending less than $500. I’d recommend this ivory chiffon gown from Torrid Bride. Mind you, the princess I’m picturing is the dignified Audrey Hepburn sort rather than the poufy Cinderella sort, which isn’t really what the reader had in mind. But it’s lovely, it looks comfortable, it costs a mere $220, there’s not a halter in sight, and as far as I can tell, it’s returnable as long as it’s sent back unworn before 45 days have passed.

Hey, there are all sorts of princesses out there! And I always tell my engaged galpals that they should try on all sorts of dresses because the most unexpected gown is sometimes the most beautiful one.

The second inquiry came from a bride-to-be planning a daytime courthouse wedding followed by a small reception. Unlike the first reader, she is “not given to froufrou” in her attire.

Is this frock froufrou? I have not a clue, but I do know that the defined waist and dipping neckline will emphasize what she wants emphasized while the full-ish skirt will hide what she would prefer remain hidden. I can imagine it paired with a large hat in black, pink, or white, and a small bouquet of loosely tied roses. The best part? It costs a mere $70!

PS — I was recently interviewed for an article about online wedding planning for Smartmoney.com and for an article all about iDo for the New York Daily News! Once the former hits the airwaves, I’ll link to it here, and I’ll do my best to scan the latter when it comes out.