The world outside my office is absolutely lovely today. The temperature is just about perfect, the sun is shining, and the scent of flowers wafting in through my window is divine. You might just say I have blooms on the brain.

You know who else occasionally has blooms on the brain? Bareheaded brides, that’s who — except the blooms and brains in this case are separated by a nice layer of living organic matter. Done right, wearing a rose in one’s hair like the Andalusian girls used can look smashing.

Your chosen flora can even serve as a symbol of your your heritage if you choose blossoms native to your ancestral lands or wear the same type that your mother, grandmother, or great grandmother carried in her wedding day bouquet.

Perhaps, however, you’d prefer floral headgear that’s less likely to attract insect life at your outdoor wedding or wilt in the sun as you make your way from the air conditioned ceremony to the air conditioned reception? In such a case, I’d recommend flower hair pins…but NOT those nasty rhinestone-encrusted monstrosities you find in shops like Claire’s.

These silver-plated hairpins from Ben & Oliver are long, sturdy, and as pretty as a perfect summer’s day. The vintage floral cabochons and glass stones the seller uses are small but striking, and the perfect accompaniment to a elaborate updo. Plus, at less than seven bucks a pop, they’re probably one of the least expensive accessories you’ll buy!

Recently, one of my favorite online comics has included wedding planning in one of its many story arcs, and I thought I’d share some of the nuptial nuttiness with you. Here is some schooling on how to have a wedding, the Achewood way:

“any cake is a wedding cake if you call it that”

“Oh how genius to have the invitation and the program all in one man I TOTALLY saved cash. I am the graphic designer of the AGE.”

“Men in neckties do not wish to be hugged. Men in turtlenecks expect hugs at each encounter, no matter how trivial. Men in fezzes are unpredictable, and may be at your wedding for reasons that are unclear to you.”

Like pretty much everyone who’s ever weighed in on the subject of flower girls here at Manolo for the Brides, I believe in dressing little girls like little girls. They’ll have almost an entire decade to wear pants with posteriors emblazoned with words like Hottie — I mean, of course, the ten years between “totally inappropriate” and “Oh my gawd, dress your age” — so why parade them around in miniature bridal gowns?

The trend toward mature flower girl garb gets even more disturbing when the tiny models are done up to look like lot lizards and made to give bedroom eyes to the camera. If you don’t think it’s more than a tad creepy, I expect I’ll be seeing your mug on To Catch a Predator some time in the near future.

Here’s the thing: When I was but a tiny tot, I would have killed for a miniaturized grown-up dress and some Tammy Fae makeup, but I had this annoying personage in my life colloquially known as “mom.” Boy did that chick ever cramp my style! There I was, wanting nothing more than to dress like a twenty-five year old, with a legal guardian who kept me in OshKosh B’Gosh. I could have used a few more dresses, but that’s neither here nor there.

So what should a bride and her littlest attendant’s momma do when confronted with all of the oddly tight ‘n’ slinky flower girl dresses out there? They should keep their eyes open for quality alternatives, of course! Here are four gorgeous girl-sized frocks to get you started:

Traveling clockwise from the top right, you see a silk dupioni dress with a square neck bodice and short princess sleeves from Petite Parfait, a luminescent taffeta sleeveless knee-length dress with flowers at neckline and hem from WaWa, an iridescent long dress with sash and flower accents from Winnie Couture, and a tulle and midori silk shantung sleeveless knee-length dress, also from WaWa.

Last I checked, flower girls serve no other purpose than to lend their cute-itude to the nuptial proceedings. Why age them prematurely? It pays to outfit them as beautifully and sweetly and innocently as possible. After all, when they look good, you look good, too.

Yes, it’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness! You all know how this works: I post a picture, you reply with your best captions, and next saturday I declare a winner to the joy and adulation of all. This image was sent to me by our own NtB and has haunted my dreams for the last several weeks. I think it’s time to share the nightmare with all of you.

Ready…set…snark!