And several people brought their children. (Gets hold of self…)

It would’ve been fine, I suppose, if those children had been a) clean, b) somewhere in the same ballpark as appropriately dressed for a chapel service, or c) quiet, but none of the kids managed all three and most didn’t manage even one. It was a…small, private, and very loud, smelly, and obnoxious wedding.

Even fourteen years later, even five years after the groom and I divorced, I am *still* pissed off about the people who chose to bring their Little Darlings with them. We didn’t have the wedding formally photographed or video’ed, thank God, because most of the photographs would’ve had small, dirty blurs screaming past and the video would’ve been unintelligible thanks to the joyous cries of toddlers.

I suppose it should’ve been my first clue, that all the people rude enough to bring badly behaved, swimsuit-attired and barefoot, dirty children to a no-kids wedding were friends and family of my now ex-husband.

My response at the time – which I was not shy about sharing – I still hold. She had the children. They are a great blessing. I love big families and someday intend to have one myself, God willing. (And I will accept with grace the need to stay home from the occasional wedding. I stay home from plenty of weddings now – because of my JOB. Hello.) One accepts such blessings with a generous spirit – knowing that they involve sacrifice. Probably not two SUVs in the driveway for some years; a reduced number of date nights; a smaller bank balance; and the occasional twinge of sadness at adults-only occasions you cannot attend because you cannot always obtain a sitter. (This woman lived over a thousand miles from the ceremony.) In short, the problems attendant on having small children are problems SHE CHOSE when SHE DECIDED to have children. I respect and admire her decision to do so; but it is not my responsibility to accomodate it, it is hers. Moreover, what I really got het up about at the time was the intention that other people spend their money to accomodate your life. I paid for my own wedding entirely, with my entire bank balance: six thousand dollars. Had my guests all brought their children, the guest list would have doubled (lots of young families). I simply didn’t have any more pennies to spend on that; not a matter of “budgeting,” the funds would simply not have existed. My choice was to leave her kids home or not marry my husband. I chose to marry my husband – and THAT was the point of the day.

I am, in fact, a stickler for etiquette. However, I have great skepticism for supposed etiquette “rules” that involve the rule-maker spending the money of others for his own convenience.

And then there are the adults who do not find all the tiny people, especially the loud and social ones with “personality” so cute and joyful. I don’t think we should all have to be in this together, as some of us choose not to have children and some of us can’t even have their own. There are enough people on this globe already so I don’t think of myself as a bad person if I can’t or won’t bear children… until someone comes up and says I am, and that I should arrange my day around other people’s kids. In this day and age the procedure of making babies is mostly known to folks so it is a choice to have them and a choice to be made with awareness that babysitters will probably be needed at some point anyway.

So I say the parents who think their children should be on top of the list for everyone, even the distant cousin who wants a graceful, quiet, grown up wedding, are the ones that are selfish. Kids enjoy themselves a lot more in their own birthday parties, and some of us don’t enjoy the lovely screaming and streaking of the little darlings in our parties. It’s great that some brides and grooms go through the trouble of arranging kid-friendly receptions, but that should be the couple’s choice and no grumbling, no questions asked! Like La BellaDonna said, some people gladly miss out.

They spent the reception at our hotel with their teenage cousin, our hired babysitter. They had a great time swimming and ordering room service four times (!) and hubby and I had a great time dancing and dining at the reception.

I do think there are plenty of opportunities for children to learn to behave in a civilized manner – once a week at the service of one’s choice, or at a restaurant, or in fact any other public venue – or even at home. I don’t think that someone else’s wedding is an appropriate “learning venue” – especially if the bride and groom haven’t volunteered. That said, if the bride and groom are in a position to offer it, even if they don’t want children attending a wedding or reception – no, not even a kids’ corner or a kids’ room – I think it would be a nice touch if it were possible to offer a properly supervised children’s room at the hotel itself – that way, nursing moms wouldn’t have to worry about being separated for too long from their babies, and other parents who might not be happy about being separated for a weekend would still have the opportunity to enjoy some grownup time.

And can I say HOW CUTE those faerie princesses must have been!

I agreed with the two I’ve said before, but then again, I probably come from a completely different situation. I’m completely used to Greek weddings, which, if they are Orthodox, as they usually are, they include no vows. Actually, if you’re in Greece, the congregation will crowd around the bride and groom (there are no “pews” like Western Christian churches), people will be talking or making some kind of noise, children will be right up front for a good view, the rice will be thrown inside the church while the bride and groom walk around a table…basically it’s a formal, serious time, but at the same time, joyful and connected to the community. To not have children there is, in my viewpoint, boring, snobbish, and self-centered. However, a wedding/marriage means different things to different people.

I will concede to one point. I absolutely hate it when the bride and groom are dancing their first dance and there’s little kids on the dance floor, getting the way of all the pictures.