The apocalypse draws ever nearer

Every now and again one of you sends me an e-mail that is so perfectly succinct that it needs no explanation or exposition. My good friend Jenny — whose own words, I must point out, are featured prominently throughout iDo — wrote this:

I’m watching one of those nanny shows, which is bad enough. But even worse, they just showed an advert for “Rock the Reception“. It’s a reality show…about people who are doing an unconventional first dance.

Let me say that again. A REALITY SHOW. About people who are doing an unconventional first dance. It’s an hour-long show…about a three-minute event.

Americans are complete whores for this crap.

I would have loved to have attended the concept meeting for this show. I’m picturing a member of TLC’s creative team, the wedding division. He’s late and he’s unprepared, and he’s hiding behind his laptop trying to look serious but secretly watching YouTube clips his deadbeat housemate e-mailed to him at 3 a.m. When the big boss looks in his direction, our ideas man draws on the first thing his eyes light upon, which is the video of a bride and groom dancing to U Can’t Touch This.

He’s saved! Saved by the Interwebs!

9 Responses to “The apocalypse draws ever nearer”

  1. blablover5 says:

    It seems like if you have a show that’s even vaguely wedding related it’ll get greenlit.

    Someone needs to make one about the caterers where they have to appease the women who were too crazy for Bridezillas.

  2. Twistie says:

    I like the way you think, blablover5! I can see the first ep now:

    Caterer: So, what sort of budget do you have to work with and how many guests are you expecting?

    Deranged Entitlement Princess: I need a seventeen-course sit down buffet for three hundred gluten-sensitive, lactose intolerant, Kosher diabetic vegans who need extra protein, and I have thirty-five cents to work with. Oh, and I want to serve Spotted Owl souffle on a bed of cheese-infused pork. And you have to make everyone eat it because I’ve dreamed about this dish since I was in the womb, so there.

    Caterer: (takes suicide pill)

    Seriously? An hour long show about A FIRST DANCE????

    Even Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway couldn’t get more than about six minutes out of the first dance for a couple who needed extra costumes, dance lessons and choreography because they were doing a Saturday Night Fever disco first dance. Really, there isn’t a show in this unless we’re seeing excruciating footage of every lesson along the way…and even then it isn’t interesting.

  3. Stephanie says:

    Seriously? How is that a show? I’m all for unconventional first dances but I don’t see how it interests anyone but the people at the wedding.

  4. 7nina says:

    The first episode was only 1/2 hour and featured 2 couples, so it wasn’t too bad-they also talked about how they met etc.
    I did think that the couple dancing to Can’t Touch This in gold sparkly hightops was..I don’t even know.

  5. Johanna says:

    Oh what bliss that they stopped sending analog programs and we didn’t bother to get the digital receiver. My world is now a world without wars, murders or wedding shows.

  6. Jen says:

    I actually saw the add for this while browseing the site of an equally bad show where a member of n’sync and a spice girl come to work and hold auditions a la American Idol.
    Anyway, Tabitha and Napoleon who choreograph on So You Think You Can Dance actually teach the couple a hip hop dance which what I think takes an hour.
    That story about how the guy came up with the show has to be true. We are obsessed with weddings and dancing.
    I am a dancer and have dreamed about some glorious fun first dance but fiance does not dance and I think we are actually going to skip the dancing and just have a cocktail party reception.

  7. Sounds like that movie “Confetti,” except the makers of the movie know they are being ridiculous.

  8. tam says:

    @class-factotum:

    sorry to e-stalk you, but is your blog no longer public? i haven’t been able to read it for a while, but maybe is journalspace’s page the one with a problem, because i haven’t been able to log into their page either on firefox or internet explorer. again, sorry to e-stalk you *shy*

  9. Tam, I don’t think there’s a problem. I certainly haven’t cut off access, attention hound that I am. Journalspace is not the most — bless their heart — reliable hosting service, so maybe you’ve just hit it at some bad times. But my mom has been able to read it, I know. I would definitely hear from her if she couldn’t. (Oh, for a double-secret probation blog where I could talk freely…)